I recently got married 4 months ago. I was a virgin, however my husband was not. I am quite small 5'1 and 120, and he is about 6'1 210 very muscular. The problem is that he well endowed and often sex hurts. Lately I've been shying away from sex and he has taking notice. I talked to my gyno, and she said to give it time and take it slow. I don't want to hurt his feelings by not being intimate, but I need to find a nice way to tell him why I shy away from sex. I don't want to damage his ego, any advice?
2007-03-25 11:21:26 · 15 answers · asked by claire t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would imagine that would be an EGO BOOSTER saying that he was WELL ENDOWED. Just tell him and maybe you can try different positions. Always go to your husband when you have a concern.
2007-03-25 11:26:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being intimate does not always have to include intercourse. Since you were a virgin maybe you need to slowly stretch your vaginal walls. This can happen over time with intercourse, but that doesn't mean you have to do it for hours. Tell your husband you need to take it slow and use a lubricant. Start with maybe 5 minutes and work up to however long you think it should last. Foreplay is great too, use foreplay in your lovemaking and have intercourse only last a few minutes.
I am sure your husband will understand, don't be afraid to talk to him. Tell him you want t o try different things to help you through this bump in the road. This could actually be a good thing. You will discover each others bodies and learn what each of you likes and doesn't like. Don't be afraid use this time to challenge yourself. Don't allow yourself too much pain, tell you husband if he is hurting you and he will do something different. Good luck.
2007-03-25 19:37:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, make sure you're well lubricated, you probably need to use a lubricant like KY jelly or the new liquids they have. I'd also bet he's going rather quickly, and not giving you enough foreplay to get you physically excited, hence the lack of lubrication, hence the pain.
Your hubby needs to know about this...however don't tell him in bed. This is something that you can discuss over the kitchen table, and it's not nearly as crushing as talking about it in bed. Tell him that it hurts, and you REALLY need him to take it much slower than he has been.
Sex is for both people, and is supposed to bring both the husband AND the wife together, both emotionally and physically. Obviously, if the wife hurts every time her hubby makes love to her, then she's not going to feel closer to him. This is where communication is key. Best of luck to you.
2007-03-25 18:30:10 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A good marriage is based on honesty...honesty about everything including matter to do with sex. He loves you, he married you, he doesnt want to hurt you. You wont bruise his ego and he will understand. He would have to be a fool if he didnt understand that it is going to take some time and some tenderness to get you used to sex with him. He needs to take it slower. You are very inexperienced with sex and probably you would be nervous. The inexperience and the nerves would certainly make it harder for you, simply because you wouldnt be lubricated enough.
I think you just need to tell him, that he needs to understand that you ARE inexperienced with sex and you would really like to experience and learn everything you can about intimacy, but you cant because sex with him hurts. He would hate to think he is hurting you....he loves you. He will understand and hopefully he will take a lot more time before he actually has sex with you. Foreplay is wonderful and maybe he needs to spend a lot more time "priming" you up. Maybe he is inexperienced with sex too, in which case he is not going to know much about how to really turn his woman on. Maybe what needs to happen, if both of you are inexperienced with sex is go talk to your doctor together....maybe even see a sex therapist. Sex/Intimacy is very important in a relationship, but if it physically hurts you then you are not going to enjoy it. Of course you would be shying about from sex with him, and that probably would be bruising his ego more than if you came out and just told him the truth. Honesty is always the best policy. He is your husband, he loves you and you really have to start communicating with him honestly. If he gets offended, then it shows to me he is just a big jerk and his ego means more to him than helping his wife through this difficult time.
Give it a try, maybe you will be pleasantly surprised.
2007-03-25 18:37:25 · answer #4 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must speak openly to him about this....at a time when sex is not about to happen.....I am sure that he loves you and wants sex to be enjoyable for you, too......give him the chance to show how gentle he can be....his ego can take it...its a private matter between the two of you. His ego may not be able to take your seeming rejection of him. He needs to have all the info :)
There are also some wonderful lubricants out there - experiment! Relax!! Try new positions that allow you to control the movement.....
Good luck to you both.....
2007-03-25 18:30:35 · answer #5 · answered by that judi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is hurting, that means your not fully prepared. Ask him to spend more time in foreplay. Ask him to kiss every square inch of your body, for at least 10-50 seconds each, before the actual sex act. You will be OK.
2007-03-25 19:01:46 · answer #6 · answered by kenneth h 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Young person you will not hurt his ego if you tell him that he is big, and you need time to heal every time you both have great sex that is what the doctor ordered.
2007-03-25 18:29:35 · answer #7 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him it hurts. You have to tell him or he won't know. And of course Im sure he wants to please you. Being open and honest about these things can only make it better for the both of you. And he'll respect you for being honest. It's important to be able to talk about these things with him. And it's important for him to be understanding.
2007-03-25 18:30:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U said it right here. Tell him what u just told us.
He will work with u and try to make it more comfortable until u can get used to him.
Good luck to u hun.
2007-03-25 18:28:50 · answer #9 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he have any brothers that look or built like him, if he does send him on down , we would love to share your good fortune because it is very rare, very rare. Consider yourself a very lucky woman, in time you'll marvel at what you have found, such a rare jewel.
2007-03-25 18:45:37 · answer #10 · answered by Nicki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋