I can't stand my husband's ex wife! She tries everything to get me out of control. My husband is away from home for 16 months and he will be coming back soon. We have plans to have a little honey moon for a week, but she is already calling me to tell me she will drop the kids off here to spend time with their dad. I told her we will do that after we spend one week together. We had the kids with us for 3 years and no help from her. We never got to spend time alone. Am I being selfish? Should I have them here and after that have our honey moon? I just hate the fact that she is trying to control our lives.
2007-03-25 10:57:03 · 21 answers · asked by brazilian33 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk to your husband. He may want to see his kids first and then do the honeymoon. ALWAYS take time for yourself, but it doesn't necessarily have to be before he gets a chance to see his kids, does it?
2007-03-25 11:33:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As terrible as it may seem, when you marry a man with kids, it's a package deal and you get the baggage. It won't get better until they are completely on their own, then it only eases a little. I understand you wanting your own time with your husband, but don't you think the kids have also missed their dad after 16 months? I think I couldn't respect a man that could dismiss his kids that easily. In my opinion you should have family first then you as a couple. My kids belong to my husband, but I wouldn't want it any other way than family first.
2007-03-25 11:06:25 · answer #2 · answered by dana j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one can MAKE you feel anything you're not willing to feel. your husband's ex is controlling you from afar.... and you're allowing it...
i think you are being unfair to yourself by getting all upset and making a mountain out of the situation.
consider everyone involved (EXCEPT his ex)... have the children not seen their father for 16 months too? Perhaps take the first full day of his return and have the kids...then go on your honeymoon. Or, whatever plans are suitable.
Make plans with your husband through a discussion..... make a mutual plan.
I don't think you're being selfish, but i do sense quite a lot of worry. YOUR life YOUR plans....and the ex will have to conform to what you and your husband decide.
take care.
2007-03-25 11:14:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to calmly tell her that you don't want the kids to come to see their father, then have to leave right away because you're going on vacation. That you think that it would be better for them to come after you have your week of vacation so it doesn't feel like he's deserting them all over again. Make it seem like you are doing what's best for the kids. The only reason she wants to drop them off so soon is because she wants to get rid of them as soon as she can. I would put my foot down to her, but let the kids know that you love them dearly. Tough situation to be in, but try not to let her get to you. If she does get to you, she's done what she set out to do and you let her win. Just try to deal with her as little as you possibly can and be nice when you do. Not nice really, just cordial. You don't have to like someone to be cordial to them. It's in the best interest of the children that the three of you get along and don't let them see that there is anxiety between the three of you. If you do, it will either cause them to use that against you or have hard feelings for you because you put a wedge between them and their parents.
Good Luck to you. Have a great vacation!
2007-03-25 11:05:19 · answer #4 · answered by Mary J 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
cant you plan for them to see their dad then go on your trip?im a stepmom too and if he has been gone that long the kids probably want to see their dad and he probably wants to see them. then go drop them back off. my husbands ex is the same way but think about yourself, your husband, and the kids, not her. i have my stepkids almost 24/7 and lord knows i need time for our relationship but i couldnt imagine the kids not seeing their dad for that long and having to wait 1 more week. anything you do is going to be wrong for her but i think this might be the best thing for your family. plus your husband will see that you are thinking about whats best for all of you.
2007-03-25 11:43:39 · answer #5 · answered by lori n 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hold on to your seat something hit me and I think it would work for you..Of course honesty is the best way to be in life but a little white lie to get the ex off your back would not hurt would it..
Call her tell her they changed the day he is coming home it is going to be 4 days later then what you had said.. (keep him up to date on this in case she talks to him)..
That gives you time to get out of Dodge before she starts tring to do what she has planned.. then it is to late..
You could have your wonderful week together and then get back to real life with the kids.. It dont hurt for you to do this at all I dont think..
My husband is going to be home after a year of being gone.. And I am not taking our kids to see him right away.. I want my time, am I selfish no, are you no, you are tring to get some time in before you cant.. Good luck, and if this one dont seem to work let me know I got this crazy mother in law lady that I kinda tell the little white lies to.. To keep her off my bleep...
Good luck have fun, and sleep *wink wink* that week away with your husband...
2007-03-25 11:14:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes..frankly your being selfish...those kids missed there FATHER just as much as youve missed your husband..
kids always come first..thats just the way it is..
and you need to settle yourself to the fact that he has children and THEY come first...
you can always have a little honey moon after the kids see there dad for a while...
welcome to the real world..where most of us dont get BREAKS from our kids...i didnt get a first honeymoon let alone a second one! we have 4 kids! suck it up..
2007-03-25 11:07:03 · answer #7 · answered by lisa baby... 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask before your husband comes home and see how he feels.Let him know what you are thinking so both of you will be on the same page together.
2007-03-25 12:08:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately the kids come first. You need to let him spend time with them and have the honeymoon later.
2007-03-25 11:05:56 · answer #9 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Eating 500 calories a day?
2016-11-07 01:43:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋