A question for stay at home spouses. Do you think the stay at home spouse (male or female) should?

Question

Should they be expected to continue to do all of the housework once the working spouse has come home, or should the working spouse start helping out after he/she comes home? My wife and I are curious at the opinions on this question, she doesn't work and believes the working spouse should help out equally once he/she comes home. I believe the stay at home spouse should continue the work.

A good example is when I come home for lunch and put my dishes in the sink instead of the dishwasher. My wife gets angry due to this.

Many of you have been wondering about kids.. we have two kids, one in elementary school, the other graduated last year.

Answer 1

A stay at home spouse's job is never done. The people that live with her take it for granted that she will clean up after them, cook for them, do their laundry and every little thing they may want or need. I've been on both sides of the coin. I believe that if you stay at home, you should take care of the home within reason. There is no excuse for making a mess that someone else has to clean up. Cleaning the house means vacuuming the floor, dusting, dishes, sweeping, mopping, laundry and bathroom cleaning. It doesn't mean that the stay at home person should be responsible for picking up others clothes off the floors, putting up their things they leave out all over, picking up their dishes.. and so much more. There is no excuse for being a slob simply because someone else does the cleaning and picking up. If you were to do just a few little things like put away your shoes, bring your dirty clothes to the laundry, cook dinner once in a while, do the dishes a couple times a week, and make sure you put the toilet paper on the holder the right way.. and so on, it would make things easier for the stay at home person. If you track something into the house, yes it is your job to clean it up. If you empty the container of juice or tea, replace it. If you take off your shoes, put them away. If you like clean clothes put them in the laundry room. If you like dinner cooked for you, imagine how your spouse feels about having dinner cooked for him or her? Why in the name of God do you expect her to be the one that works from the time she gets up to the time she goes to bed? Do you like being married? I'll bet she doesn't. Take stock, look at what you do compared to what she does. Check out how much a cleaning service, maid service and a cook get paid. And how much would it cost you to have all the househould laundry done at the cleaners? Now figure out how much more she does then that and add about 40% of that figure on to the top. That's how much your wife should be paid each and every week. Now, how much do you love her? Enough to understand that she's worth you doing the dishes occasionally? Or taking the extra effort to put your dishes in the dishwasher like a real human being? Does she take out your garbage too? Or do you actually lift a finger to do that? Who cuts the grass?
Get a life or you will eventually end up getting new wife!

Answer 2

Im just gonna say this as blunt as i can... pull no punches... My husband was the bread winner in our home. I was a stay at home mom. My house was never dirty never had dishes in the sink and i cooked for 11 years every damn night. He never washed a dish in 11 years. He never ran out of socks or clean pants etc. I was always bathed and smelling good when he got home. I surved him his food each and every night. NOW... I am going through a devorce after 11 years!!! Sometimes it doesnt matter what you do or how you do it. If you dont love each other and respect each other then what does it all matter anyways. I can tell you if i were to remarry... Im keeping my job I have now and we will BOTH do all house hold jobs. It should Be equal. If you work 40 hours a week so should she. If you get a bonus. So should she. If the kid is sick in the middle of the night ya need to get ya butt out of bed and help your own kid. I mean really what was I thinking? Doing it all. And i mean all. Im by no means a lazy woman. And I have been on this new job now for 3 weeks and they are already wanting to give me a higher position w/ more pay. Thats the work ethics I have and that was how i ran my home too. Now someone actually appreaciates what I am doing. And I have all 3 kids still and work full time and still keep my house up. Trully I dont need a man. Bottom line respect each other Love each other. And if you broke your leg, would your wife get a job and still maintain the home and take care of you? I bet she would. Think about that. If all the work is done then You have more time for your family and eachother.!!!! by the way if your wife needs a girls night out tell her to let me know lol..... good luck

Answer 3

If you are a stay at home parent, then I think house chores are a part of the stay at home gig. You can't not work and bring home money into the family and expect the person that does to come home and do what should already be done. However, putting a dish in the sink instead of the dishwasher is petty on the other person's part. It would take no longer to put it in the right place the first time, it's not like you have to do the dishes.

Answer 4

I definitely think it depends on the situation and how much work you each do.

If there are no children involved, then the stay-at-home (SAH) spouse should definitely take care of most of the housework. However, for most SAH spouses, the work is never done--there is always something that needs to be done around the house, so they don't get to "come home" from work and usually don't get days off like a working spouse would. Now, if there isn't much work to do around the house anyway, this shouldn't be too much of an issue. If there is a lot to do, the working spouse should help out at least a little, but not necessarily everyday after he/she gets home. Maybe even a couple of tasks over the weekend or on his/her day off. This would make up for the SAH not having an official day off.

If there are kids involved, the working spouse needs to help with them whenever possible. Being a parent is a full-time job, requiring even more work and attention than just housework alone. It is also the responsiblity of both parents to raise their kids. Again, what exactly is done here depends on the working parent's schedule.

I'm in this situation myself. I stay at home and my boyfriend works; we also have a son. There is a lot to be done around our house, but unless I am swamped with chores, I usually don't have my boyfriend do anything after he comes home, besides spending time with our son. With the work he does, I know he is tired; even though I have been doing housework all day, the benefit I had was being able to do them at my own pace and taking breaks when I needed to, so in my situation I don't think I need a break as much as he does. However, my boyfriend has a few specific chores that are his responsibility, which he gets done usually on his days off, giving me time off. This is what seems to work for us.

Answer 5

No, not all. Putting the dishes in the dishwasher is just the same amount of effort as putting them in the sink - in a case like that, it's a courtesy. Helping out around the house with an odd thing or two in the evening will give you a good break from your boring work-a-day world - and make your wife more receptive later (wink wink nudge nudge). There's nothing sexier than a man vacuuming.

Answer 6

The work should be split once the spouse who works out of the house comes home. Being a stay at home is, in fact, work, only a stay at home spouse usually doesn't get a lunch break. So, you should put your dishes in the dishwasher and help out and then you can both put your feet up when everything is done.

Answer 7

I'm grumpy_retired_marine's wife and I just want to say that I do all of the housework just fine. My main thing is like with the dishes in the sink, not putting his dirty clothes in the hamper (he puts them on top of it) and on the weekends when he's not working. He still thinks it's my job even then, while he's sitting watching tv or taking a nap. I think the weekends should be shared by both of us.

Mary- I do take out the garbage, but my husband does cut the grass due to my asthma. I laughed when he read your comment.

Answer 8

I am a stay at home spouse,and my Husband does NONE of the work when he gets home. He is only home 2 days or so a month,so I try to make sure everything is done so he can relax. If you are home every evening,it doesn't hurt for you to "offer' to help with clearing the table,or taking out the garbage. Hopefully,if she isn't one who likes to do yardwork,then you mow the lawn. However,I do NOT feel the stay at home spouse should be a "slave" to the working spouse either. Sharing,it is always a good thing. By the way,we own our own truck and my Husband is a OTR truck driver,that is why he isn't home every night. :-)

Answer 9

Well, that's hard to say. Just because you left the house doesn't mean you had a harder day than her. And remember, the line between work and rest isn't as clear cut for her. I would say when you get home, that both of you take some time to relax and be together. Then, unless you're just completely wiped out, you could do a few things to help out. Not helping just cuz you went to a "real" job is no excuse. Especially if you have desk job, I promise her day was probably busier as yours. Maybe you guys could work out some system, like a few specific chores you can do. She cook dinner, you do laundry. Whatever you guys prefer. It sounds like she is overworked if she is still working when you get home. Encourage her to relax some and try to help her out. Little things can make a big difference.

Answer 10

I am a stay at home mom, & let me tell you that the housework never ends....my hubby works hard & when he gets home he wants to relax. I on the other hand would want for him to atleast clean up after himself...
Household chores are never ending...I wake up & make our bed, cook breakfast for a screaming 3 yr. old, wash dishes, clean up, take out the trash, do the laundray, run around after my son (tend to his needs, I can't ignore him just because I have household duties....) run errands, make dinner, wash more dishes, make sure my son gets a bath, get him in bed, & if he happens to wake up in the middle of the night, guess who's getting up? That's right...me...Come the weekend, I don't get a break...household duties never end...Something I tell my hubby so he doesn't think I'm so demanding, is that I am a parent 24/7....& that my life revolves around our son...it isn't easy......!

I don't get vacation..or sick days...lol