Why do I stay with a man who verbally and sometimes pysically abuses me?

Question

He will act like it never happened. It's like he has no memory of it. I try hard to not fight with him because it's not worth it -- it only makes him say more things. I end up asking myself if I am blowing things out of proportion or overreacting or if I am to blame for the way he treats me.

Answer 1

Because women confuse abuse for love & caring.They also fear that they will never find anyone else to love & wind up settling for less than what they deserve & being miserable for the rest of their life.If someone loves U & cares about U they would not do anything to hurt U.

Answer 2

The reason you stay is because you don't know what else to do. It's very difficult to get out of that situation. I've been there. It took me 6 years before I'd had enough and finally divorced my first husband. You just need to understand that you are worth more than being a doormat or punching bag. When you figure that out, you won't wait to leave you'll just go. You can leave anytime you like. Don't let him fool you, he can't stop you. Leave when he isn't there. Don't tell him where you're going, just go. There is someone out there that will help you I'm sure. And there is a man out there that will treat you a whole lot better then the one you have. Take heart, you can get out. There is so much more to the world then what you're seeing now. Good Luck to you and I will pray that you find the strength and courage to leave just as soon as you can. Don't believe him when he says he doesn't remember, or that he's sorry. They always are. And it will happen again.

Answer 3

It is as much an illness as the disease that plagues your mate. I only see the beginning of a long series of a pattern of behavior that will eventually begin to change you as a person. If I am wrong, and I hope that I am for your sake, you will gain insight into a handicapp of certain people and their attributes that are designed to be debilitating to those they dominate or control. My reason for answering your question is experience with this type of behavior of my second wife. Not being able to establish the pattern of behavior because I could not identify it or see its affects and still cannot but knowing the problem exists allows protection by eliminating the possibility of reinfection. If you search for the term pathological sociopath and visit websites that have researched this disease and if your mate closely fits any of the profiles or possesses the attributes that exemplify the behavior I would encourage enlisting the help of a qualified doctor in order to help you deal with the problem. I trhought that I was intelligent enough to deal with it on its own level, but found that I did not even know it existed until I looked backwards and saw the trail of disaster it left. Recognition is the first step in the prevention of its lasting and profound adversity it can have if not put in check. If there is not a problem then nothing is hurt and you are more knowledgable about a group of people, remember by researching and identifying, the good things that you save might be the ones belonging to you. Keeping u in my prayers.

Answer 4

Many women stay in these harmful relationships because they think he will change. Or they feel they have nowhere else to go, financial reasons, children, etc. Women all too often think they have to put their well being aside for their spouse, chilldren, jobs and really anything else that they value. I hate to say it, but there is little chance he will change, a better chance it will get worse and 100% positive it will happen again. Do you have children? If so, what makes you so sure he won't (hasn't already) abuse(d) them? Or if he hasn't and never will...your kids are more receptive than you think. They will know something isn't right and you will not be able to parent them like you should.

If you don't have children, why do you do this to yourself? There are many places you can go to get away...friends, family, support groups/homes. Granted they all seem like a step backwards at first glance, but, honey, you will be amazed what you can do on your own.
Finally, it is extremely important YOU get the help you need. Something about you attracted this kind of jerk (one of the lowest forms of scum there is) and it needs to change. Low self esteem is probably what it was. You and him need counseling. You can ask him to take counseling if you want to work it out. If he refuses, drop him like the bad habit he is. Even if he agrees, it's time to leave and let him work out his issues and you work out yours.

Look online, in the yellow pages, ask a doctor...however you do it, find the help you need. Much love to you and I hop you take this to heart, my dear

Answer 5

You keephoping that things will someday return to normal, the way they were once. Whether your fault or not he has no right to take it out on you verbally or physically. It sounds like he has something bothering him deep inside and any little thing sets him off. Until that something is uncovered, he will never change. I seriousily doubt if professionalhelp will do any good because I doubt if he will ever admit a problem and doubt if hed ever go to a counselor anyway. So it all comes down to you and just exactly how much youre willing to put up with here before youve had enough and decide to move on. But you do not have to put up with his abuse whatsoever any more especially the physical abuse. Good luck

Answer 6

I know what you're going through... It has never happened to me but I know MANY women (family and friends) that have been in that situation. The answer to your question about why you stay with him can be best answered that you stay by his side because either you depend on him financially, or he makes you believe that he's the only man that will love you, but honey guess what? there are MANY men out there that truly are men. maybe another thing that is keeping you from leaving him is that you love him, but it's not worth loving someone that will just hurt us. love is all about protection, warmth, security. i bet that a sweet girl like you will find someone WAAAY better than him. if you're in the spot that you say you really really love him, then try to talk to him whenever he's in a good mood. talk to him about couple counseling and tell him that both of you have fault of why the relationship is shaky (have in mind that IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!) just tell him that so he wont get all mad. but if that doesn't work, realize that there's a rainbow after every storm and that you will eventually, with time, find a man that will valorize the worth of your soul. :)
God bless you my friend.

Answer 7

He has a memory of it He is just in denial and is acting like he does not remember. NO you should not stay with him you need to get out NOW and go to a friend or families house or even a shelter for battered women and get to safety and never look back or go back to him for that matter and you need to file for divorce ASAP and dont think twice about it. Also when you do leave him do not ever contact him again or let him know where you are at. He does not need to know where you are at at all. You are NOT to blame for how he acts or treats you. You are not over reacting either. GET OUT NOW! Make a plan pack your stuff and leave when he is not at home. I also suggest you go to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help and advice in this situation as well. I sure hope you choose to do the right thing and that you get out soon and seek the help and counseling you need to heal and get past this. I am so proud of you for taking the first step here and reaching out and asking us for help.

Answer 8

Hi There !

You stay with him because it's become a normal way of life for you - the questioning part, is you trying to justify the way he treats you. There is no justification for a man to physically or mentally abuse you ever.

Get out of there hon because it sounds like your already excepting this, so called, man's, behavior and your self esteem will just drop !

Go away - take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself could I do better - I hope you find the answer is - Yes I can.

Good luck

Swearl's

Answer 9

No sweetie you're not the blame. He has issues and don't know how to handle them. I know u may be scared to have him leave, he's probably threatened to hurt u more if you call the police or tell. I feel you, mine is in trouble with the law and it will only make it worse. Or at least that's what i think. My ex-bf and i used to fight all the time, I fought back until I got tired of fighting all the time. At the time, i would go to drugs and alcohol to escape my feeling and felt like it was my fault, but we ended up breaking up (cuz he got tired of hitting me).I felt so much better, we stayed broke up for 6 mos. and I enjoyed life... he came back saying he's changed and doesn't want to be with the girl he was with, when really he didn't like me talking to another guy. Make a long story short, he ended up blackenin my eye and busted my nose. The second time, he stomped me out and blackened my other eye. I was in church by this time. I prayed and finally talked to 1 of my co-workers/old teachers (b/c i trust her). He hasn't done it again. I still want him to move on and have told him I want him to, he said he would but hasn't. Just pray and and believe and God will solve it, I don't know how, but he will. Bottom line is leave and don't go back.

Answer 10

YOU ARE NEVER TO BLAME!!!!I'm sure everyone is telling you to leave and you should and i know its sooo hard and easier said then done but you life is at risk! if he thinks that little of you that he can treat you that way then he does not under any circumstances love you. men like that see women like property not people. i have been in the same situation for seven years and I'm getting out. you don't leave because this hole time you have been told that your ugly and nobody else will want you and you start to believe it. well hes wrong he wants to tear you down so he can build you back up to his standards, your afraid of being on your own and if you have children then chances are he told you that if you leave they will think its your fault. and so what Ive been to counseling and still didn't go but enough is enough my doc also told me that anything he says he means so if he says if you leave then I'm gonna kill you then he prob will try. get stuff ready to leave while hes gone then wait till he leaves so you can leave the state if possible and if not then get in touch with any local domestic violence center and they will help you so that he cant hunt you down. it sucks but must be done i would like to talk to you more my e mail is [e-mail]. ill help you anyway i can.

Answer 11

You have no reason to say with him! You are experiencing the Abuse Cycle. What i mean by that is that there's a pattern. The honeymoon period, the tension builds, abuse, then it calms down when he tells you that he's "sorry and that it will never happen again" however it will happen again. it take a women about 7 times to actually leave the guy. leave him before you get even more hurt. he's a prick! you are not to blame for the way he acts. he wont change even if he says he will. LEAVE HIM!!!!!