He wants a divorce because he doesn't want kids...?

Question

My husband just told me he doesn't want kids (I do) and wants a divorce. He moved out, got his own place and filed the papers....all of this happening within 2 months. He doesn't want to go to counseling because he feels a counselor cannot make the decision for you. I feel there may be more of a root cause to why he doesn't want kids. One day I feel like the luckiest woman, the very next I feel like my world is over. I didn't see this coming at all! Before we got married, he said he didn't know if he wanted kids but might want one some day. I on the other hand have been very clear from the beginning that I want a family. Because of my faith in Jesus, I don't feel that divorce is always the answer. My husband is not religious at all, so this is something that has us viewing marriage and divorce very differently. Since I don't want the divorce and he does, should I sign the papers or just put him off until he at least agrees to seek counseling?

Answer 1

Let him go since he does not want kids. Sign the divorce papers and move on with your life. You may someday find a wonderful guy to marry and have kids with. You cannot make your husband love you and want to have kids with you so you will be much better off just to let him go. You are right divorce is not always the answer but in this case i feel it is. God will understand where you are coming from and pray about things and lay your husband on the alter as well and trust God for him and for your marriage. There is a verse in the Bible that says that if the unblelieving spouse wants out let them depart and a brother or sister is not under bondage to them and longer. This verse tells me that you are to let him go and move on with your life since he is an unbeliever and wants out of the marriage and he is not pleased to dwell with you. Seek counseling and help and prayer for you and i also suggest divorce recovery for you as well. My heart goes out to you today and I will be praying for you today. Hugs to you hon! I also am here if you need someone to talk to.

Answer 2

First of all,if your husband has" moved out,gotten his own place and filed the papers", then he did NOT" just tell you he wants a Divorce because he doesn't want kids" Also,the man already told you that he does NOT want to go to counseling. The man does NOT want to be married to a woman who wants children,so let him go. Trying to "just put him off until he at least agrees to seek counseling" is NOT going to happen. He doesn't want counseling he wants a DIVORCE,so sign the papers and move on with your life. Also saying" I didn't see this coming at all" is NOT true. You MIGHT have been happy but it is very apparent the man was NOT. The man was HONEST and UPFRONT with you from the BEGINNING about his thoughts on children,so why did you persue a marriage to someone who did and does NOT want children,is a question I would ask myself. Also,saying" I feel there may be more of a root cause to why he doesn't want kids" is foolish. The man just flat out doesn't want to be a Father and that should be HIS decision certainly NOT yours.

Answer 3

No divorce is not always the answer, but in this case he already has made his choice, not to be mean at all but i think you saw this before you got married and chose to ignore it thinking you could change his mind about having kids....and with that you can see that not even marriage changed his feelings so counseling isnt going to help either.... just the next time you get into a relationship make sure you or both on the same page...

Answer 4

It sounds like you had plenty of warning signs; but you chose to ignore them. I'm sorry you are feeling the pain now after you went to trouble of marrying.

Your husband is right. The counselor cannot make the decision for you. It takes two people to make a marriage. But, it only takes one person to break it.

From what you write, it sounds like he is not willing to work on it. You may have to accept that. It sucks, but sometimes it happens.

I do think that you should discuss counseling with him again. Not for your marriage; but for yourself. If you ask him to go with you to counseling to help you to learn and to accept what is going on he might be interested. He might learn something about himself too. At the very least it will give you both a neutral forum in which to discuss your issues.

Answer 5

think there is more to this than not wanting kids, in every breakup there is always someone wanting the divorce than theres the other who wants to work problems out, but chances are if he doesn't know god, that he may have no concept of his true purpose in life, he doesn't seem to want to work it out, as his first thing before trying was to file for divorce, sometimes its best just to get out of a no win situation, one could think all day long on the pros and cons of divorce, and never be able to come to a decision. but if u want kids, which every woman does, and he doesn't if u force it he will end up unhappy and leave anyway. think he probably has someone else, this is how they act, they find a flimsy reason and say its that, when its not really about u, its about them, and whats going on in their thought process.

Answer 6

I like old sayings and this one applies.......you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.....You can't make your husband want to have kids and you scared him off.
That happen because you have some women who don't really care what the husband wants and they get pregnant anyway and that's not a healthy for any relationship or for the child. Your situation is a 2 way street there are husbands who want children but the wife isn't ready and you can't force someone to want children. Plus he's right a councilor can't make your husband want children it's something he must want on his own. You also better read the Bible again because there is nothing in there that Jesus says you HAVE to have children........

Answer 7

If you have been served papers you need to answer (respond) to them within the time given. If you don't he will be given a default judgement or divorce and you won't have any choice...it will be over. He doesn't HAVE to agree to counseling, he sees no need for it and frankly neither do I. He does not WANT children. YOU do. You can not FORCE him to WANT to have children. You can not no matter what your faith no matter what you WANT to think force another person to want the same things that you want, and you can't force him to go to counseling if he doesn't wan to. If you don't respond to the "service" of divorce papers it will all be over anyway.

Answer 8

since your husband already moved out, it looks as if he's finished with the marriage.. if you have already asked him to go to counseling with you, and he hasn't, i wouldn't press the issue. this likely means he has no interest.

prehaps it's time for you to move forward with your life without this man. you don't seem to have the same desire for a family. and we can't force someone else to want kids, when they feel otherwise. you knew how he felt when you went into this marriage.

i wish you all the best... take care of YOU.

Answer 9

I dont think the kid thing is the problem.
I would look elsewhere for the root, such as another woman.
Hate to break it to u, but I think u may have to just let him go. If he wants out, let him out.
U cant make someone stay where they dont want to stay.
It wouldnt be in your best interest anyway to fight it, because he would be resentful and it would make things worse.
Let him go, he left too clean for it to be because of the kid thing. My bet is that another woman is involved. Sorry, but its just what I see. I hope for your sake, I am wrong.
Good luck to u hun.

Answer 10

Id say theres something at the root alright but its nothing to do with children. It sounds like he wants a divorce for other reasons. Try to talk to him but clearly he isnt happy.