What questions do I need to ask myself in order to change?

Question

I hate people, I have a wall, I'm nice to the people I want to be nice to, take my anger out on my innocent family, I want to break my windows, choke someone, then stranger myself afterwards. I lack love in my heart, but if you try to go deep into my world you will break me even more. I will either break down and cry or I will become even colder person. I'm 19. I don't want to be alone, but that's what I imagine I will be. I don't let go of pain and am easily hurt if I allow it. Why am I not extinct?

I'd like to travel the word writing songs and eventually learning how to play the guitar. I'd like to help others so that I don't think about myself. Other people distract me from my own emotions.

I'm a girl. I laugh at myself because I'm a pathetic person. Not intelligent, or else I would have not been the way I am today. Get away from me.

I WANT TO CHANGE. I WANT TO BE A LOVING PERSON.

Answer 1

i think we are gay

Answer 2

You're still young. Life is confusing.

You gotta ask yourself what is important to you, do you really want to change, and are you ready to change.. and what do you REALLY want. Why're you getting mad? What's the problem? It's your life, your world, you do what you want with it. If you view certain things to be bad in your mind, it will be. Everyone experiences pain and hurt, it's just a part of life, and part of it is learning to deal with it. Just do whats important to you. There's nothing wrong with having a wall, either.. just choose careful on whom to let in your world.

<3

Answer 3

go to a mental health place.. out side patient and tell them what you just wrote.. they will help you... it sounds like you have a lot of anger.. and maybe from things that have happen to you..

Answer 4

same for me. i hold in my anger and take it out on my close peeps. do drugs

Answer 5

who ever said you have to change? i mean if you like the way you are stay that way...i don't know....whatever.