Stay married or figure myself out?

Question

I have a daughter from a relationship that last 10 years. after our breakup, i meet someone new and we married very quickly. i am not sure if it was out of 'needing' someone in my life or if it was out of love.we now have a 2 year old daughter together. my heart unfortunantly is not there anymore. all i can think of is my older daughters dad.i know he feels the same way to. my relationship with my husband is not right. we sleep in opposite rooms and i have a hard time being with him.i just dont want my girls to go through this again. i know i am soooo wrong but all i want to do is make others happy, regardless of my feelings. i havent been happy in 3 years and i honeslty feel that only one person can make me happy. but if it didnt work before, why would it work now?i am a good and honest person but am horrified that i am going to end up hurting everyone. please help me. i am not a cheater nor a home wrecker.

not to mention, my husband has big issues with 'pleasuring' himself all the time. regardless if he is getting it from me or not. virus's on my computer due to his porn searching.i was gone with the girls for 10 minutes and had forgotten something. walked in and he was going to town. he is very needy and expects me to be his mom and his wife.has medical issues but wont take care of himself, expects me to. during my pregnancy he was to sick for me to experience the joys of being pregnant. i beleive he had more morning sickness episodes than i did. and when he gets very ill, he wont go to the dr. he would rather me baby him.....obviously so many issues here.....

Answer 1

Before just walking away and chasing after a person that is not the person you once fell in love with - it's been ten years - HE has changed...trust me - I have to ask, have you given your current husband and the father of your youngest a chance? Have you tried counseling? Divorce is a seemingly easy out in which the kids get a nice load of unwanted crap heaped on their plate...

I suggest you live in the now and really see if there is not any hope to salvage the relationship that you are in before you spend one more minute thinking about your ex.

Good luck.

Answer 2

You talked about so much in your question...but I will try to break it down the way I see it. I would not stay in a marriage with a man like your husband, obviously there is no love there. However, I would not go running back to my ex love either, you broke up for a reason. What I think you would need to do is leave your husband and then take some time out for you and your daughters. You need to do some soul searching and figure out what it is you really want in life and if after some time you feel that you want to rekindle a romance with your ex then do so but slowly. No more jumping into these romances because you have two daughters who are watching your every move, remember you are taking them along for the ride and it probably will be hurtful for your daughter if things don't work out again with her father. I wish you the best because I know that when it comes to love sometimes it's hard to make the right decisions.

Answer 3

WOW...sounds like you are in a tough situation. It is great that you are worried most about your daughters...that's the way it should be. The best thing for you would be to be on your own for a little while to really give yourself time to find out who you are and what you want out of life. I'm sure your 2yr old hasn't picked up on what you are feeling & the fact that things between you and your husband aren't right but your oldest daughter probably has a good idea that things aren't right. In order to properly take care of your daughters, you need to take care of yourself first. Don't just jump from your current marriage back with your ex. You would be doing the same thing once again & could end up feeling the same way you do now. Take some time to make the right decision not only for yourself but for your family. If the feelings that you and your ex have for each other are genuine then he will be willing to wait. What ever you do, don't rush into anything you will only end up hurting yourself and others in the end.

Answer 4

Hello,

I'm sorry you're in this tough situation and I hope things get better for you. I'm in a similar situation with my boyfriend--we have a son together, but lately our relationship has been rocky and we've questioned whether we need to break up.

I don't think you should be in a relationship just because of the children. However, I do feel that if children are involved, you need to try harder to make things work with your spouse. I would suggest that you do everything possible and within your means to make your current relationship work, even if your husband isn't doing much from his side at first. Maybe even counseling. If your husband continually does not try to improve, you'll have a better idea of whether you should really be with this person. Also, you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you're doing your part. Even if you have feelings for someone else, you have a responsibility to your current spouse to try and fix things with him/her first. (I know it's easier said than done =) )

Then if things work out--cool! If not, at least you know you did your part--you can't feel guilty for your decision or other people's unhappines because you know you did all you could to save the relationship. And if the other man is still available then, I'd say why not--go for it.

Answer 5

There are countless stories of people getting back w/their ex and it doesn't work out again after awhile. Before you make what you have now even worse, consider the reasons why you want to be back w/your ex and see if they are legitimate. It's always possible that the divorce was irrational and you really do still love him. However, you have to consider why the current relationship isn't working out also and whether that one is worth saving. Just do what your heart tells you, but don't cheat w/your ex while you are still in the current relationship.

Answer 6

everything, including marrige is disposable today. I know most of the people are going to tell you to do whatever makes you happy. Seems that you did that once already and look what happened. How do you know that it is over with this man if you are not emotionally there to give him a chance. You may not be cheating pysically, but you are cheating, being a woman I would have thought you would understand emotional betrayal. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Well, it sounds like you want permission to be a homewrecker. Or a cheater. You definitely need to seek counseling and marriage counseling. It's not fair to anyone to let this marriage limp along like a wounded animal. You need to figure out how to recommit yourself to your relationship first. If that doesn't work, then think about how to get out of it. To me, it sounds like you need to work on how to make any relationship work. Changing partners now would just delay the work you need to do.

You wanted this relationship enough to bring a life into the world. See what you can make of it with an outside therapist or counselor.

Good luck!

Answer 8

You need to move on . I cant see all these guys and some woman getting into porn I even hate the strip clubs .Nothing like the real thing . You just sound like your out of place like a fish out of water. Go home.

Answer 9

Be selfish! Get out of this marriage. I believe in saving people not marriages.
Your husband is a dam jerk. I don't blame you for your feelings.
The people you think you will hurt will get over it sooner or later.
This is your life. You have a right to do with it what you so chose. Let me know how you are. Hugs

Answer 10

You've already made your decision, you just want validation. It's OK to live your life the way YOU choose. Good Luck to you.