Why do I feel guilty easily?

Question

I feel guilty very easily when someone treats me good or offers to help me during times of difficulties. For instance, when my friend threw me a surprised birthday party, I felt very guilty, although I was thrilled and happy.

I always feel as if I dont deserve such wonderful treatment and it is as if I'm troubling them. I wished I was like others who can just be happy and accept goodness upon them gracefully.

Why do I feel like this?

Answer 1

Do you mean guilty or ashamed? Guilt is feeling bad about something you've done. Shame is feeling bad about who you are, as if there's something fundamentally wrong with you that makes you not worthy of being treated well or receiving positive attention.

Alot of people have trouble receiving positive acknowledgment because it exposes them, it makes them known. And most of us are conditioned to WANT to stay anonymous, inconsequential, due to shame. We are taught to play small. Having everyone stare at you amplifies your presence, and who are you to be so large? That's what we often tell ourselves.

Also, I recently took a transformation course where I learned something about acknowledgement that now seems so common sense to me, but at the time it blew my mind: acknowledgement isn't about YOU, it's about the PEOPLE acknowledging you!

Think about it: your existence provides a convenient reason for OTHERS to throw a surprise birthday party, for OTHERS to co-create joy and celebration. Your difficulties become an opportunity for OTHERS to fulfill their desire to be of service, to help, to do good. It's not really about you at all. If it was somebody else's birthday, the party would still happen. If it was someone else down and out, assistance would still happen. It's just that someone else's existence would serve as the context, the reason, the point of recognition for OTHERS to create the experience.

Here's a quote from a woman named Marianne Williamson. Nelson Mandela read it during his 1994 inaugural speech (which is why it is often misattributed to him. Now there's a guy who plays HUGE)

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Answer 2

I don't get guilty too easily. However, if I screw up with a decision I made, I feel terrible about it since it affects someone else I care for. It actually haunts me for the rest of my life, to be quite honest. "Haunt" is probably not the right word, but I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I feel like such an as s.

Answer 3

You are probably a quite kind and sensitive person, usually focussed on being helpful to others. Such people are easily guilted and shamed, manipulatively, by others. And, then it becomes internalized and you do it to yourself. Often there are low self esteem issues present, as well.

It is VERY important that you reflect on these possibilities, and even more so that you somehow learn to ACCEPT the kindness of others, gracefully. Those who don't know how to receive are blocking themselves from the wealth the universe wishes to confer upon them. Please look into this, in depth. This is merely opinion, and hardly expert---but probably somewhat on the right track. Best of luck :))

Answer 4

We all have low self esteem at one time or another. The important thing for you to do is exercise your esteem by doing activities that make you feel accomplished. For instance: I run. Then after I run I feel like I've stepped toward a more healthy life style. I've also let go of some pent-up negative energy. Keeping a journal also helps me keep my esteem in check. Sometimes I'll review my writings and in a kind-of self help; realize the answers to my questions or problems. As you know it's easier to tell someone what they should do, but it's hard to realize it for yourself at times. Good luck on your journey of self discovery. :)

Answer 5

I use to feel that way. It got so bad that I did not want to hear "I love you" from my husband anymore because i would burst into tears.
I think you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in life. I felt like I was undesrving because I could not manage everyones expectations of me.
I had to accept that I was no superwoman and unable to solve everyone elses problems before I could organize mine.

Answer 6

I think you need to realize that you can be a good, caring, nice, sincere person, and at the same time allow people to do things for you. For instance, you can have humility and self-confidence at the same time. Start to notice other people. Many of your friends are probably caring, wonderul people who are confident at the same time.

Answer 7

An overactive conscience(Freud would call it Superego, I guess...). Most likely learned over time.


If you feel so guiltful from it, maybe try to give them back something equal in importance to them... like a fair trade! =D
Or if you can't, I am sure just knowing you are grateful is enough for them... I am sure many(if not most) people are slightly guilted when they receive something, but we must remember we give back too.

Also, these people who give you things give things because they want to not because they are forced to. You are not causing any trouble they didn't want to go through for you. To them, you are obviously worth it. So you can feel bad for nothing, but it won't help anyone... it might even make them feel bad if they catch on to it. =S

Answer 8

LOL you are just like me, Miss Charisma. I often feel guilty and say sorry or thank you all the time easily. That's really sucks! But I guess you shouldn't feel that guilty cuz you are miss charisma. lol

Answer 9

my sister can be that way sometimes....it just means you care about others more than yourself which is usually good but not when you are beating yourself up. try to realize that they threw you the party because they wanted to and they like it when you are happy, not because you wanted them to. sometimes you should think of yourself too.

Answer 10

just be happy u got very good friends that care alot, there will be times u help them without u knowing it, just thank them very much someday ud do the same thing when it comes along and they will thank u for it