how do i deal with a friend's suicide?

Question

he overdosed on painkillers and i just feel like it's my fault...he was gay, he was pretty tortured by students and i felt like if i would have done something about it...he'd still be alive...i can't even cry, i'm in too much shock...i just got the news this morning...how do i deal with this?

Answer 1

First of all, don't blame yourself, because that could really hurt your emotions for the rest of your life. Now, his life is passed. Grieve him, but then move on. But look to what you can do in the future, like if there is someone else like that at your school, then you should be the difference in their life. Then you will know that you are the one who is saving the lives.

Answer 2

I'm deeply sorry for your loss! There's nothing anyone can say to make you feel better, but all of the above responses to your question are very good and they're all correct. I would just like to say that you're doing the right thing by asking this question - it's important for you to seek help and guidance in this difficult time, and if you are able to visit a therapist or counselor, it could really be helpful. If you're in school, there is probably a free (or very cheap) counseling/therapy service for students - check it out as soon as you can.
And remember - no matter how bad you feel, it is NOT your fault. No one can force you to believe this, and you may continue feeling guilty for a while, but at least try to understand it on a cognitive level - you are not responsible for his death.

Answer 3

First of all I would say understand it's not your fault and no matter what you did or could have done his suicide might of been his answer to dealing with life so you might not have been able to stop it after all.
I would also suggest that you get involved in a group that you can channel all your feelings in like an activist group or church.
The more you think about the more you will wonder what if.
Sometimes this is just how things turn out.

Answer 4

Wow!! That is a hard one. It will continue to be a hard one for awhile. Someone that we knows dies. It does put us in shock. Time heals all wounds though. It will always be there but it won't be as hard as time goes on. The biggest thing I can say to you is learn from it. Did this person show any signs of suicide? Giving things away, etc? My mom's boyfriend died in a car wreck and I felt like I should have said something or done something, that it was my fault. People have their own mind and own choices to make in life. You have to remember that. It is not your fault, so don't put the blame on yourself.

Good luck!!!

Answer 5

Oh my goodness...i'm really sorry to hear about that, that is awful. Dont beat yourself up on what you could of done..it was his time to go. He is in a better place now. What you can do is next time you see a freind get made fun of at school is stick up for them it will make you feel good inside and to let that person know they do mean something. You will probley be in shock for awhile...it wil take some time to get over this. Maybe if you see a counsler or someone you can talk to may help you. Letting those feelings out..so they dont turn into anger. when i feel upset i always write...because i dont always feel like people want to sit there and listen to what i have to say or they just wont understand. Keep your head up...and next time you see someone get made fun of you need to let that ignorant person know whats up. Obviously they've got the problem. Hang in there girl...

Answer 6

First, you should talk to a professional. A counselor or therapist. It's hard sometimes going and talking to a stranger about your problems. However, once you do it, you'll feel better as soon as you walk out of the office. Why would it be you're fault. He obviously had serious issues and didn't know where to turn. A great friend of mine once told me her opinion on suicide: "people who commit suicide just want to go home." Find a special way to say goodbye to him. Only babysteps and time will bring you out of the hellhole you're in right now.

Answer 7

Losing a friend this way is terribly painful. It's normal to feel that you could have done more. Keep in mind that you were his friend who loved him, not the source of his pain.

See a professional counselor/therapist for helping you through the pain and grief. Assuming you are still in school, a guidance counselor can help you with referrals.

In the longer term, joining the fight against prejudice and bigotry can help you honor your friend's memory, and help others avoid similar pain and loss.

Answer 8

I am so sorry for your loss but maybe try to see it like this; all things happen for a reason, wether it be for you to get closer to someone or as an encouragement for you to leave something bad, but don't see it as your fault and maybe you could have done something but don't dwell on it, becuase there could be a new door being opened for you right now and you might miss it.

Answer 9

Don't feel bad. Sh!t happens. Don't let it haunt you for ever. (it's very uncomfortable) and think "Well if I can deal with it then maybe I can help someone out" (like I am!) I had my grandfather commit the "s" word and is a bad feeling. he was like my dad but if he makes a bad choice the he has to deal with the consequences. =) be happy, it's a new day tomorrow!

Answer 10

Accept he made this decision for himself, rather than seeking help. Unfortunately, you probably couldn't have done anything if this came as a surprise to you, because if he couldn't ask for help he wouldn't have been able to accept it either.