How do I stand up for myself without making situations worse?

Question

I have problems standing up for myself. If someone thinks I did something wrong and shouts at me, I tend to walk away to avoid the situation getting worse and unfortunately the issue never gets resolved. I wish I have the confidence to discuss things instead of "wiping out". But I fear that if I discuss the conflict, then things may get worse or if the person shouts then he may draw attention and support from those nearby. Are there any websites that give information on how to defeat such fears or how to discuss and rectify matters properly?

Answer 1

I have a similar problem :p I think the best thing to do is make sure that your needs and opinions are heard, but don't voice them in such a way that people think you're attacking them. If things start to get ugly after that, that's not your problem, and then would be the time to walk away.

Answer 2

This is a matter of confidence, self-esteem and the ability to admit that you're wrong. If you feel that your actions are fully justified then stand up for them! If you make a mistake, admit it, there's no repercussions for admitting you're wrong. You'd look even stupider if you defend your mistakes or walk away.

Walking away from a problem won't solve anything. Not only will people will start to think that you are spineless, they're going to treat you the same way over and over again. Demand respect dammit! That's what I learned in my 3 years of high school.

I was the epitome of the backboneless asian girl: a timid, shy, glasses wielding, organism with insecurities for daaays. But I overcame all of my adversities (sob), because I realized how crappy everyone was treating me. Stand up for yourself. Solve the problem before it's too late. Don't worry about your self image so much if you're locked in a showdown. Walking away from a problem will actually give you a worse rep than confronting it.

There was an instance During homecoming week, when I had to work on one of the floats. A couple of people, including myself, had the privilege to ride on the float. So I decided to stand on the float during the parade. The president decided that, since her friends wanted to ride on the float, she would replace me with one of them. I got SO pissed. She even had the audacity to say that I didn't even want to be on the float. WTF B****!? Anyway, so I stated my claim, proved her wrong and asserted that i had the right to be on the float. Eventually, I got my spot while making her look like a total idiot.

From my experience, what gave me confidence and fueled my inside monster was the constant mistreatment and disrespect I got. Not only that, but the unfairness and stupidity of some situations (homecoming) also boosted my confidence because I know I am right. This may sound really cheesy, but you HAVE TO BELIIIEEEEVE in yourself! So what if the other person 'recruits' followers? LOGIC ALWAYS BEATS STUPIDITY! (even stupidity in numbers)

Answer 3

usally people who cant stand up for them, only dont stand up for themshevles because they dont want things to escalate.you have learn to shout back,dont walk away, you have to build up your self esteem

Fear or Confidence: Which Are You Choosing?

Fear can be the greatest motivator, but it is also the number one cause of stress, which leads to effort, struggle, suffering, accidents, pain and disease. Fear wears many masks, some of which include:

Fear of rejection
Fear of failure
Fear of losing
Fear of succeeding
Fear of not being good enough
Fear of the future
Fear of losing control
Fear of being controlled
Fear of being wrong
Fear of change
Fear of new ideas
Fear of not being loved
Confidence resides in the absence of fear and comes from knowing that all is well regardless of appearances. Whether you experience fear or confidence has nothing to do with the circumstances of your life or your external environment and everything to do with your inner perceptions – the meaning you make about your situation. In every situation you encounter, you always have a choice to perceive it through the eyes of fear or confidence. For instance:

You can blame others or take responsibility for your own life.
You can cling to the past or experience each moment in the now.
You can criticizing others or appreciate them.
You can doubt your abilities or feel confident.
You can fear failure or acknowledge your success.
You can get defensive or open your mind.
You can hold a grudge or forgive.
You can judge others or seek to understand them.
You can live life by others rules and regulations or set your own.
You can defend your rightness or find a way to create win-win outcomes.
You can push against what you don't want or create what you do want.
You can resist change or flow with it.
You can worry about what others' are doing or focus on what you are doing.
You can worry about the future or feel secure in the present.
You can fret over the past or find comfort in what you have gained.
You can worry about what others will think or be confident in your own knowing.
From which stance – fear or confidence – are you viewing the circumstances of your life?

Answer 4

i THINK FIRST u need 2 realise u r a worthy person entitled 2 your opinion right or wrong and u have 2 find an inner strength
& blow what other people think u dont have 2 loose your temper u can say what u think not hurt anyone and in the end agree 2 dissagree. A NO IS AS GOOD AS A YESS STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER AND STOP WORRING LIFE IS FUN IF U. U. SET YOURSELF FREE

Answer 5

i am just the same so i no exactly what you mean, i don't no of any sites, but maybe you could try to see if there's a deeper meaning for why your like this, maybe due to a bad experience in childhood you could now possibly be suffering from low self esteem which makes you lack confidence. you maybe have negative thoughts about yourself, and this is what holds you back and makes you afraid.
the best thing you can do is speak to a counsellor or therapist and they will definitely help you to overcome this problem. its always hard to change our way of thinking and how we perceive ourselves, just remember every day that you are important and worth the effort.

Answer 6

Here is how to stand up: First, do you feel you were right? OK. Then you step close to the person whom you are having a conflict with and say to them: "Please don't take this personally, but I FEEL like...."and however you feel about the situation. You never use the "YOU made me feel" because people can't do that to you unless you allow it. It's always how YOU feel. Then they won't feel threatened by you blaming them and you will get your point across. Look up "fair fighting" or "fair arguments" and it might help you out. You have to face others if you truly believe in yourself even if it's say "you're right...I apologize". Godloveya.

Answer 7

You need assertiveness training. You can get classes on this. Suggest you will probably need to take some Kung Fu lessons to go with them though. Cause when stating your point doesn't work and there is no reasoning with the other party then you can beat the **** out them till they understand! Or more appropriately defend yourself from aggressors.

Answer 8

Dont let the person make you feel afraid , dont let him see that your afraid because that will make them feel better. Tell the person how you feel about the problem make your point strong and tell them im not the type of person that fights or likes problems and just walk awaybut only after you feel that you have resolved the problem and made it clear to the person that you dont want any problems.

Answer 9

You lack confidence...do some research online and see what you can find on confidence building.

There's no reason to worry if matters get worse (as long as they don't get violent) or if the other person gets support...what matters is that you state your case plainly and honestly...what people choose to believe is up to them.

Answer 10

You know, I have the same problem. I don't stand up for myself and it's so sad.I have so many good things to say too, but I guess it's cuz of my lack of self esteem.yea, just boost your self confidence a little and know what you want and keep in mind that everyone can have different opinions and perspectives on things and you can express yours anytime if others can, right? right. good luck!