3 months ago I thought life was great. But on New Years Eve, after going out and having a great time. My boyfriend of 14 years ( we have 2 kids) says to me," I am just not into you anymore and the family life is not for me." So he moved in with his mother( he is 41). he contacted an old girlfriend of his, the one he dumped me for 14 years ago. And she took him back, knowing he had just left his family. What's even scarier is that his mother did not even encourage him to work at staying with his family. She told him go out, have fun, go have a few drinks, move on. He said he is not into me anymore because I gained about 20 pounds. I used to be very skinny. I am not fat, but he likes very skinny woman. He now lives with his mother, pays no rent, only sees the kids everyother weekend. I do get child support. But it is scary to me that one persons decision can turn my familys life upside down. I now have a whole different life. I have to be out dating again and a single mother. Scary huh?
2007-03-25 08:38:07 · 11 answers · asked by Teslajuliet 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yeah, very scary. I actually feel very bad for your children, because their father doesn't seem to care about their welfare too much. I hope you don't feel very bad about yourself, because this is a measure of your boyfriends immaturity and not your body. A real man is proud of his girl, proud of his family, and things like aging or body types won't change that. I'm sorry this happened, but you seem strong and positive and that makes all the difference. Take care.
2007-03-25 08:45:58 · answer #1 · answered by Paul 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, at anytime during the day or night our life can change. Although I believe that it changes for a reason. We don't think that at the time. My life changed 14 years ago in just a matter of seconds when my husband was killed, so we learn and move on with our life. Your boyfriend has certainly done a terrible thing to you and his kids. His Mother to me is not what I would have wanted in a mother-in-law, she doesn't care about her grandchildren are she would want them to grow up with both parents. Of course as long as his Mother will allow him freedom and no bills he will be happy. I always say when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time and never bother with them again. Yes, it is scary nowadays out in the dating scene, just take it one day at a time.
2007-03-25 09:05:28 · answer #2 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry he did this to you and the kids. How are they doing with the changes?
You were with him for 14 years. Did you realize he was a selfish jerk before this or has he changed?
Go easy on the mother. She is probably hearing stories about how horrible you treated her "baby"...and like most mother's she wants to make it better for him. She doesn't have the whole story. I would not focus much attention on her since you did not have any promises from HER. He is the one who is making the wrong choices.
20 pounds is nothing. Lose it if YOU want to, otherwise I would not worry too much about it.
2007-03-25 09:04:26 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it does leave us afraid and unsure of the world, and life in general. it happened to me 3 years ago on Christmas. he simply came home, said he wanted a divorce, that was it, what i didn't know was that he had been having an affair for over a year, wouldn't go to therapy, left me with a stack of bills, and alot of heartache. so we really never know someone. it certainly was the shock of my life. my mother in law was my best friend, and the minute her and my sister in law's found out about her, they distanced their selves from me, and really wanted nothing else to do with me, after 10 years, certainly made me less trusting, and a little bit more jaded, but there is life after but it does take awhile to get back to feeling okay with life. life sometimes throws us some really bad things, and we wonder why if they were so unhappy why didn't they tell us before sharing it with someone else first. other person's choices can ruin our lives. but if he could have been taken away so easily, would u really want him? they say everything happens for a reason, and we aren't going to understand it at first.
2007-03-25 08:57:43 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not being mean when I say this but I am saying it so that this does not happen to you again. You always reap what you sow, you took another ladies boyfriend, and allowed him to break up with her to be with you. Neither she or you should put up with him treating either of you like that...if they will dump one person they will always dump another one...a lot of times women flatter themself by thinking oh he likes me more then her and will be true blue to me, it is just her that he is dumping, when the truth is that those kind of immature, uncommitted people will do it to her and you and probably her again, before it is all said and done...they do not know or understand the terms, commitment, responsibility, and long haul, much less unconditional love...if someone would dump you for gaining weight then why in the world would you want that person anyhow...you do not want him to teach your children to be so shallow and immature and irresponsible...move on and find who God has for you and your children, on down the road...best wishes and God bless you and your family...oh and by the way....in answer to your question, yes it is scary and very unfair when others are so selfish and self centered but God WILL see you and your children through this...
2007-03-25 08:51:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
try to think of it as though he did u a favor...he's giving u an amazing opportunity to start over...live again..find someone who will love and honor you...someone who will love your children and NEVER let them down...
BUT dear..he gave u insight as to his character when he 'dumped' his ex for you.. that shouldn't have happened..BUT now you have the great chance to have things YOUR way...people only turn your life upside down if u let them...don't ever let anyone else decide what going to happen to 'your' life... your the author and illustrator...go have fun.... he'll be real sorry when he see's you moving on and doing well for yourself..
your NOT loosing anything by letting for of him...but your gaining EVERYTHING
2007-03-25 09:05:54 · answer #6 · answered by lisa baby... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been a single mother for as long as you've had your children. And you dont "have to be out dating again"
Your life should be fuller than you've ever imagined, what with taking care of your children, and yourself. Enjoy your time with them. Because the time will slip away, and they will be independent adults.....and guess what......your life will change again! ;)
2007-03-25 08:50:10 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is frightening. I'm sorry that that happened, but he wasn't the right guy for you if 20 pounds makes him walk away. He sounds very shallow. I hope you find someone who rocks your world. There are good guys out there who will love you for you.
2007-03-25 08:45:17 · answer #8 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry that happen the same happen to my mother just stay strong for your self and your kids and dont worry about him cause something is wrong with him that is so scary i hope nothing like that happen to me
2007-03-25 08:45:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That guy sounds like an ******** anyway... dont let him see the damn kids if he can only be bothered every other weekend.
2007-03-25 08:52:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋