Why do people say this? I am still trying to forget about this guy I really had it bad for and I haven't seen him in almost 4 months! I would really enjoy my life much better if I had never had anything with him and didn't think about him all the time. He didn't dump me or anything, he just disappeared out of my life and I'll never see him again (long story, not enough time). I am constantly daydreaming of his kiss and blue because I'll never experience it again.
So do you agree with the statement "it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all," because I don't. I'd rather have him out of my mind.
2007-03-25 08:26:00 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sad to say but, yes, I do. You sound very young to consider this kind of love, I am sorry to say. Love is a bit more complicated than that.
I have loved three exceptional men in my life and lost each one to some sort of unexpected tragedy. The first two to death. I felt like a black widow spider. But each man gave me spiritual gifts and love that were so fulfilling that I could not rue having met them.
The third man I was with for 6 years. He had known both my previous husbands well. I was blinded by this one and it was the deepest love I have ever known. Then unexpected and tragic circumstances left me at the alter and he is now married to another. I still love him despite the great amount of anger I sent his way. It is 2 years later and I still compare all men to him.
Each man gifted me and changed me to the better. I would rather the first had lived of course. But he did not. I also know he and I will be together again so it is a matter of eternal patience. It will come. And when it does it will be worth the wait.
I also firmly believe in "love at first sight" when two people, separated for centuries, recognize each other and can resume their past. A very very rare gift!
So yeah, reluctantly I agree with your statement. When I was angry at the third I called it worse than crap LOL. But I have regained my equilibrium. I am a much stronger wiser woman to be quite honest. That last man taught me a great deal of wisdom during our relationship. Including how to forgive.
However, trust? I do not think I can ever trust so completely, so innocently again.
2007-03-25 08:28:29 · answer #1 · answered by Noor al Haqiqa 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
To be honest, most people that say this have never loved. I still think about people I have loved and lost years ago. Your heart is a sensitive thing and sometimes I wish I would have never experienced the pain I went through. I think that statement has been a very controversial one because it depends on the person and the circumstances in which they have lost love. Also, it's only been 4 months, that's not very long when your heart is involved. I'm not going to lie and say that feeling will go away, it will just not hurt as bad later on. People who effect you stay with you, just try to learn and grow from it. (I know, that statement was cheesy but it's true! : )
2007-03-25 15:32:27 · answer #2 · answered by JennD 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
On one hand, I do agree with the saying. At least, during the time of being with the one we love, we have felt the joyous upwelling in our hearts. Without the misery, we can't know how good it was.
On the other hand, without having loved, we can't know what we're missing, and we would theoretically go blissfully along in our ignorance.
Your bottom-line question, though, seems to be how you can feel better about yourself in this situation and feel happier in your plight.
You have to pull yourself out of the tailspin. You are probably doing the right thing asking for help from others, but the answer ultimately lies within you.
If you can find a book called, "How to Survive the Loss of a Love," that might help you with some of it.
The main thing I got out of the book (a pen-pal from the East Coast sent it to me while I was still in misery over my first divorce) was that the line of progress in getting over someone is a jagged line.
But, for one to recognize that progress is being made, one can see on the line that today's valleys are higher than yesterday's peaks.
You say it has been 4 months and you are still feeling badly. I think the thing you have failed to see, though, is that you don't feel as bad today as you did yesterday (figuratively speaking).
Get outside -- especially if the sun is shining. Go do something. Get together with some friends and play cards or go on a group picnic. Go ride a bike. Take a walk. If you are out and about (in a safe environment, that is), make it a point to smile and say Hi to everybody you pass.
These are a few ideas, but only beginnings. Find ways to get yourself outside your moping activity. Dwelling on something that cannot be will not help you move forward. So, get up and move forward!
2007-03-25 16:17:34 · answer #3 · answered by brightpool 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I truly understand what you are saying--I had a similar issue.
I am glad that I met the person and had a short while to share my love with the person. The time we spent together is still a special part of my life and has been almost 11 years since we parted. Right now you are hurting but it will get better with time and you will always have the memories of his love.
Just think on the good times you shared!
2007-03-25 15:31:06 · answer #4 · answered by destine4_69 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.
The reason is, your a human being. To experience being a human being, you need to feel what it is to be alive.
You may not see it or realize it as yet, but as the years go on, you will realize that you had the opportunity to experience a very moving and deep experience in your life.
What you also have right now, as hurtful as you feel, is beautiful dreams to dream. Take what you can from it, and save it, because it was meant to teach you something about what you are capable of within yourself to share with the right person, when he comes along.
It is for you to come to that realization, to truly understand the above quote. And trust me, you will know the answer one day, because you have a dream of passion to carry it to the one who will be there for you.
2007-03-25 16:34:30 · answer #5 · answered by sweetcitywoman2002 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no. It sucks to have someone in your thoughts all the time. That can be a real bummer. But the converse is to have no thoughts about any one. And that bites as well.
Just grieve and then move on and let some other guy fill your heart and mind. He's probably out there going through the same thing you are....now go find him.
2007-03-25 16:24:44 · answer #6 · answered by KERMIT M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that everything happens to us for a reason. There was a lesson that needed to be learned, or we served some purpose in each other's life even if it was short-lived. It can be hard, but someday I hope you'll meet the man that you were meant to be with. All the pain you're going through will disappear as if it never happened, and you might even realize that what you thought was love before you met him doesn't even come close to what you have together. Keep your chin up and don't be sad - who knows who might be falling in love with your smile. :-)
2007-03-25 15:32:23 · answer #7 · answered by bnm4infinity 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not, there was just a psychological study done on just this issue. They did find that people who have loved and lost are bitter and unhappier generally then everyone else, so the answer seems to be No. BUT - people who have loved and lost and regained love with someone new end up as happy as everyone else, so hope is not lost.
2007-03-25 16:03:24 · answer #8 · answered by Paul 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its really depends on the guys you've been with in order to agree on that statement. Sometimes people in relationships that has lasted for years break off for reasons, but both of them still think they had a great time together and they will still remain friends after their break up. So, it can be better to have loved and lost, than to never have love at all for couples who have mutual break ups or any type of break ups that arent messy (ie. break up due to someone cheating in the relationship or someone leaves the relationship without having both to agree on break up).
However, for people who have been through relationships that seemed like hell, people will keep on thinking that they regret knowing that person and fell in love with them. People with messy break ups deny that they loved them usually because their break up went so horrible that it hurts them painfully. Just like what happened in your case with your bf, he just disappeared out of the blue and there was no official break up. You think that what he did was really messed up because he left without telling you anything. So, you're expected to just fall out of love for him.
What you are feeling right now explains why "love hurts." I know you feel like guys are all jerks and they will only hurt you in relationships, but not everyone is like that. When you eventually meet the right guy for you, you will feel happy to be in love with him and even if he hurt you, he will hold a special place in your heart. Anyway, good luck on your future relationships if you do plan on getting into new ones!
I know how you feel because ive been through a similar experience.
2007-03-25 15:44:50 · answer #9 · answered by =P 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. "It is better to love than to never have loved at all." You loved him and he did not know how to empress it. Sure you are hurting. Love is a hurting thing. When u decide to love say i am going to hurt too. Get an agenda and get busy on loving again. Love yourself, forgive yourself. STop daydream about something that will never be. Believe it too when u weap what u sow and he is going to get what he deserve; and even might want u back. If love is going to be express it will be thru people like u. Do not lose your favor. Be strong woman because you are love. Thank God u did not marry him. Pray to God and mention your feelings to him and call out to God his name. God is trying to tell u something. Stop to listen to God.
2007-03-25 15:34:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋