I am depressed at the moment because my fiance of nearly 7 years has told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore because he wants to try other women.
It has come to a big surprise by me as I thought we were happy together. We have been together from the age of 18 and both of us had time for one another and gave each other the space we needed. We hardly ever argued and we both got on with each others family and friends.
When he told me, I asked him what I have done to make him have a change of heart he just said your the only women I have ever slept with and I want to try more.
He then went on to tell me he never wants to get married which he wanted before and doesn't want any kids with anyone period.
I have tried to speak to my mates for advice and all they say was I was too good for him in the first place and that I should just forget about him.
I'm depressed and I still love him. I really need some advice from anyone who has been in a simular situation please?
2007-03-25 08:16:17 · 28 answers · asked by Janie C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you suppose to catch him alone, and give him nicly (beating) one day, then he will never think about it.
2007-03-25 08:19:50 · answer #1 · answered by NR 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm sorry.
My husband and I dated 7 years starting when we were 18 and 19 years old and got married.
We had a few moments before we were married that we went through some challenges.
I would say by what you wrote that he has had 2nd thoughts. It's scary for some to take that final commitment.
The thing is he has show you insight into his character
He is not a mature man who makes a commitment and sticks with it. I am sorry. It hurts like hell and you feel like you have planned your whole like with him and now he just up and leaves.
Give yourself some time. Being depressed is reasonable and expected with all that has gone on.
Life sometimes does go where we don't expect it.
Things will work out.
I know you love him, but maybe your right guy is the guy you meet and he can hardly wait to marry you.
He passionate and fiery and is the love of your life.
And in 20 years you look back at your life and thank god that your boyfriend who was too immature to be a man, let you go to fullful your life.
2007-03-25 14:40:48 · answer #2 · answered by ♥ ♥ C.J. ♥ ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change from the age of 18 to 25. It is far too young to be stuck in a rut. You are only 25, with a whole world of possibilities. It will be difficult, but let him go his way, and find your own possibilities. When you have experienced a new life as a single person, you will probably realise you weren't meant to be after all.
It's not that he didn't love you, but you have probably outgrown each other, which is a growing up process.
At least he's being honest now, and not letting the wedding go ahead, which would end up one big unhappy mess. What if you did have a child, and he then turned round and said it wasn't what he wanted?
2007-03-25 08:34:17 · answer #3 · answered by Thia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haven't been in this situation but the guy has treated you very badly. It can't help being told you are too good for him when all you want is to be good enough for him.
You have 3 options - hang around hoping he'll change his mind; try and find out what made him change his mind and hope it is fixable, or make yourself a new life.
Number one and two - weell you have spent seven years with him. What message does that send to you, considering 'he never wants to get married which he wanted before' and you 'gave each other the space we needed'? Why. if he wanted to get married, has it taken him seven years to find out that he doesn't? Why were you content to wait that long? Do you think he was just too plain lazy or selfish to take your relationship on to the next stage while you were willing to settle for what you had?
Option three will be hard going after seven years, but will open the doors to new possibilities. Yes, you will grieve for your ex, that can't be helped. On the other hand, there is more to life than hanging around waiting for Mr Right to come along. I hope you go for three - you only have the one life so get the most out of it.
2007-03-25 08:44:02 · answer #4 · answered by tagette 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry that you have to go through this. However better now then after you are married with children then he tells you. People change. it's just a fact of life and unfortunately where you have the courage to make your changes include him he isn't quite as thoughtful. I'm sure you are not the same person you were when the two of you met but you included him. He has chosen not to do so with you. Now if you really truely love him you will want him to be happy with or without you. It won't be easy but you will be better off in the long run. You will eventually meet someone who wants the same life as you want and you'll end up happy. And someday he may grow up and see what he's missing but it will then be too late. You will have to focus on you and yes it will be sad and yes you will miss him but you will be okay. I was in the same spot one time and now I look back and am soooooo glad I didn't marry the man I thought I was meant to be with. My life would not have been near as happy as I am now!!! God work in mysterious ways!!! Good luck
2007-03-25 08:25:49 · answer #5 · answered by prettyfroggy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
forget him and move on. i was with my first husband at the age of 18 we were together for 7 years before we got married. about 2 months before the wedding he started going out at lot and staying out all weekend. he said he was staying with new friends who were interested in motorbikes as was he. i trusted him. after the wedding our relationship went down the pan and i left him after just 12 months. a few days later another girl moved in although they apparently hadn't been seeing each other previously. if you believe that you'll believe anything. looking back we should not have got married. from the ages of 18-24 is when your personality and preferences change the most dramatically. you are not the same people at 25 as you were at 17 you grow and you become an adult. you are probably very different people now and he has outgrown this relationship and I'm sorry to say you to. its time to dust yourself down and get your life back. its hard but good times will come again. just don't throw yourself at any old thing that looks at you for more than 5 seconds you're worth more than that. take your time and enjoy being yourself.
2007-03-25 08:32:44 · answer #6 · answered by Dolly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have had two close friends recently go through a divorce for the same exact thing. Their men had never been with any other women and the curiosity had finally got the best of them. This happens a lot and it's sad because the person that was happy in the relationship gets stuck feeling like you are now, and the other person is supposedly happy now because they get to go sleep with other people. Trust me, they will realize it's over-rated to have multiple partners and be single, you will just have to decide at that point whether to get back together with them or you may have met someone else at that point. When people give advice like your friends have, it goes with the saying "Easier said than done." It's hard to just forget about someone you have spent so much of your life with and had true feelings for. It's a process that you have to go through that is sadly similar to grieving for someone that has died. Continue to talk about it with your friends so that you don't just hold it in, and please do not compare everyone you date to him. It will make it harder. No matter what your friends say, you yourself will know when you are ready to start dating again. Do what you need to do to feel better, that's all that matters. PS Be careful and don't just run back to him if he becomes interested again, protect your heart!
2007-03-25 08:27:12 · answer #7 · answered by JennD 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you are too good for him & you're better off without that loser. 7 years you've been together, and he does this to you. I'd say don't take him back even if he was crawling at your door. I understand that you love him, but he ain't worth it. I know this will hurt you but forget about him. He doesn't know the gem that you are. If he wants to sleep with other women and that's his excuse for not wanting to be with you, then show him the door. It's a good thing that you're not married yet. let go off him, you should know this: in the world, there are lots of men, this boy you've been with doesn't know how to appreciate you and how to treat, and is only thinking of other women. Let him go and DATE. get to know some men, it's called dating. don't jump into marriage.
Find a man. I'm not saying go ahead and marry the first man u see. You've been in a relationship for quite a long time and being young only happens once. enjoy it while you can. Live life. don't sleep around, find a good man who'll cherish you and appreciate you, get to know him, be yourself with him, then marry him. Tell whoever you become in a relationship with, that u want honesty, if he wants to get to know you in hope that u 2 will get married, welcome, if he doesn't believe in a marraige, you wouldn't want to waste his time, nor he yours.
Good luck
2007-03-25 08:28:06 · answer #8 · answered by ♫ Chloe ♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course you still love him, you can`t switch off your feelings, however he obviously has switched his off. He was too young to be tied down, men mature so much later than girls.
Give him space to grow and try his wings, don`t hassle him.
You will be depressed and jealous its human nature.
You have to decide whether you are prepared for him to have experiences and come back to you without recriminations.
He will be saying he doesn`t want to get married but give him time he`ll find the grass isn`t greener the other side of the fence.
One other thing,while he is off experiencing life make sure you try and do the same. Maybe the grass will be greener for you!
Best wishes for the future.
2007-03-25 08:32:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went threw the same thing and my ex left me after 7 years and i thought that everything was good. we were both young. but threw all that hurt and pain. I realized that i couldn't sit around and bring my self down know matter how much it hurt. I stopped calling him and I started hanging out with friend going to the movies meeting new people. and evreytime i did see him i made sure that i was all dressed up and a smile on my face. 3 months later he decided he wanted me back and I didn't want him anymore. I met some one now married and happy. and my husband was the best thing that had ever happened to me. so keep your head up. things will get better trust me. Be strong don't call him.
2007-03-25 08:29:06 · answer #10 · answered by christina b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Male aged 50, All i can say at least he was honest with you and didn't cheat on you as such,as for advice get on with your life and do the same and once you have both had your fun maybe your true love will come through.Don't get me wrong i'm not saying sleep around with everyone but just get on with your life and you will find that if he really loves you he will see that after he has had his fun but in the meantime who knows you may find someone even better even if you don't think so at the moment/Good luck
2007-03-25 13:48:01 · answer #11 · answered by andrew h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋