....others and start spending time on yourself? I am tired of devotion. It usually comes back and makes me bitter in the long run. How do you step back and let the people you are trying to keep happy, alone? Where did I lose my will to fight?
2007-03-25 08:08:11 · 4 answers · asked by ? 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Sounds like you need to learn to say "NO". It really is a very simple word. Try it a couple times. Good. Now say it with conviction. Say it and mean it. Don't argue. Don't whine. Just say no. No. NO. Nothing else.
And the people around you need to start doing more to take care of themselves. You really can't make any one else happy, just dependent.
Don't be surprised if you get a lot of resistance from the people who are using you. They won't like it if you suddenly don't provide. But they can get over it or get out of your life.
Do I sound hard? Cold?
Maybe. But I have two female friends whose children and families use them shamelessly. They have no time or money for themselves. They are grumpy and bitter and hate life. I tell them this same thing all the time. One is learning, and one feels so guilty, she may never come out of it.
Make a stand and stick to your guns. If people love you, they will get over it. And if they don't care for you anymore, they probably never did in the first place and you really are better off without them.
2007-03-25 08:24:48 · answer #1 · answered by KnowItAll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in therapy right now for that very reason, just to put that out there.
It's really all about learning to take care of yourself. I don't know in your case why you focus on other people, but for me it was because I didn't know how to take care of myself. It was easier to take care of other people's needs because it was more straightforward. Basically, I could understand what other people wanted more than I could understand what I wanted/needed.
Whether this is the case for you or not, you have to look at the underlying reason why you focus on other people rather than yourself. Then simply remedy that situation. For me, I write down a need of my own when I think of it and then do it. It might be something as simple as making myself something to eat or going to the store to buy some items I need.
I hope that helped at least a little bit. I'm not a licensed psychologist, so I'm no expert on it. xP
2007-03-25 08:29:53 · answer #2 · answered by Kay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You lost at the same time you forgot what your reals goals are, and started imagine you should be devoted to others.
2007-03-25 08:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by janne5011 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey read this book, "Honoring the Self." It is a really good book on self-esteem and being your own person and to live your own life.
2007-03-25 08:45:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋