My husband and I have a 4 week old. Lately we have been fighting non stop. He will get in my face and yell even while I am holding the baby. We had quite the argument a little while ago, and now he's told me he's going to see his family. (They live out of state) and he's taking the baby with him. I am currently breast feeding- supplementing with formula as well. Legally can he take her without my permission? I don't want to even leave her with him the way his temper has been.
2007-03-25 07:51:16 · 28 answers · asked by Jessica 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Disagreements between husband and wife that are new parents are pretty common. Getting in your face and screaming while you're holding the baby is not common, nor is it acceptable. He has anger management issues and should not take that child out of the house let alone out of state. He cannot take the baby of state without your permission, especailly under the circumstances.
You and the baby need to get out of the house while he is gone to work. Go stay with friends for a while, someone that will help you take care of the baby. You need time to rest and take care of yourself, and you need someone to help you take care of the baby, too.
He needs some time to calm down, get his temper in check and regroup before he even thinks about taking that baby for a walk, let alone out of state to see relatives.
If your husbands family wanted to see the baby, they would have made arrangements to come see you all where you live. Expecting a new mom and newborn to travel right now is ridiculous! When I had my kids, my family would travel from their homes to visit us. They never once thought it was appropriate for us to pack up and go to them, because that makes NO sense. They also stayed in a hotel and called before they came over!!
You are breastfeeding that child, and at 4 weeks it's not appropriate for a breastfed child to leave his mother. It's out of the question. I would call the police if you want. They all have non-emergency phone numbers and are happy to answer questions.No cop in the world is going to side with a man that screams at his wife while she is holding a newborn. No cop is going to make a breastfed baby leave her mommy's care! He might end up in jail if he's not careful.
I would drink more water and let your baby feed more often and try to get away from the formula for now. If you can have her on 100% breastmilk there is NO way he can take the baby from you.
Sorry, but he needs to grow the hell up. If he thinks he's overwhelmed and exhausted he should try pregnancy, childbirth, nursing and fighting with a jackass like him!! You should not allow him to take her, please do what you can to keep her with you at all times.
Even if you have to invite your in-laws to come for a visit, do it. I'd do anything to keep my baby by my side and keep him from wanting to leave with her.
Try to do 100% breastmilk so there's no way he can take her also. How is he going to give her breastmilk if you're not there? Is he lactating??
I wish you luck my dear. Be careful!
2007-03-25 10:31:54 · answer #1 · answered by wwhrd 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He can be charged with kidnapping if he leaves the state and takes the baby without permission. If he is abusive I would get a temporary restraining order with temp custody on the grounds that he has threatened to take the baby out of state. You need to state that you fear you will never see your baby again. Restraining orders are free and the custody order goes along with it. I know this because this is what I do for a living. If he does take that baby its hard to get the baby back, but it can be done. As soon as you get the order if he does go before then, contact your local District Attorney's office and child abduction unit. Move quickly and let your husband know that you mean business! Good luck. No judge will take away a brand new nursing baby from its mother unless you are totally unfit and that has to be proven first. They will grant you the restaining order because he is abusive.
2007-03-25 08:31:40 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
please sweetie, don't let him take the baby. don't call his family and tell them the situation either. they will always side w/ their son. they will think you're overreacting because you're a new mom and all. who knows what he's been telling his parents?? anyway, a baby should never leave her mama when she's breastfeeding. i suggest that you should do like some of the others have suggested and tell him that you would like to go w/ him. that you can all just make it a family trip and that you would love to visit his parents and family and maybe they could babysit while you two just get out for awhile. maybe have a date night for the two of you. he is probably feeling left out since the baby has been born and it's stressful as a mom so i know that it must be stressful to him too. if the baby is crying all night or something, he has to get up and go to work so tempers will get short. that's no excuse though. he should never scream at you especially while holding the baby.
2007-03-26 04:42:46 · answer #3 · answered by MISSYT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, he obviously has no idea how hard it is to take care of a newborn or he wouldn't even think about taking the baby. Maybe he needs a little reminding of how difficult it is.
Second, that baby needs his mother and you need that baby just as much. In my opinion, it would be extremely detrimental to keep the two of you apart while the baby is at such a young age. And I am not talking about just for breastfeeding purposes.
Third, I am sorry but your husband sounds like a real a**hole. You are doing your baby no favors by letting her be around that kind of aggression. No real man would EVER scream at his wife while she is holding his child. And no real mother should ever allow that to happen. You owe it to your daughter to get her out of that environment. In my opinion, the only reason your husband wants to take your daughter is to piss you off and hurt you. And if he is already using her as a weapon when she is only 4 weeks old, what will things be like a year from now?
My advice is pack your stuff and get away from him.
2007-03-25 10:53:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
First, stop supplimenting with formula today. Also, if you could stay with family for a while, do so. Tell him that you guys need counseling and only go back when he has improved his behavior after counseling has started. Absolutely DO NOT let him take the baby anywhere without you. Take legal action if you must. A baby at that age should not be away from his mother and food source anyways.
2007-03-25 08:15:45 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer S 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you shouldn't let him leave with her. You are her mother a baby's under the age of one need their Mommy's more than their daddy's. Him yelling in your face while you have the baby shows he doesn't care and if he gets mad again it could be worse. I know I don't know your husband but I am dealing with the same stuff.Good luck if he tries call the police and get a lawyer. Stop supplementing.
2007-03-27 02:50:53 · answer #6 · answered by countrygirlofaz 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
O.k. Legally if he is the father he can take the baby. If you feel it is unsafe, you should tell him what day you expect them back and that's it. I have had soooo many problems with issues like these and I have learned the best thing to do is take action if what you discussed isn't done. There is no reason to believe he will in anyway hurt the baby, correct? So, take a needed break and let them go. Lay down the rules and discuss issues of when they will return. And also, from experience, the arguing and bull crap in front of the kid will eventually bite you in the rear. That needs to stop. I have a 5 yr. old boy who has seen me and his daddy fight or his daddy hit. It isn't cool and it needs to stop. When he starts, put the kid in his/her room. The kid will benefit excessively if you quit arguing in front of it. I am not trying to sound rude or mean, I really just don't like to see people make the same mistakes I did and mess your kid up. My kid has problems with his feelings. He gets angry all the time. Its all because I didn't put him somewhere safe while we argued. Good Luck!
I realize everyone is downing my answer. I am just being honest. There are steps you can take to keep the baby with you. call your local police and/or just leave his abusive ***. I dont understand why people want to fight over the kid. He would give the kid back after 1 full day with him/her. Taking care of babies is not easy and it might take him away from his x-box....so just take it one step at a time and trust your instincts. They will usually guide you in the right direction.
2007-03-25 08:27:11 · answer #7 · answered by KRAZEDnKONFUSED 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
ABSOLUTELY NOT! Don't you dare let him take her, she is NOT a weapon or a tool for him to use against you! If your inlaws want to see her, you take her to see them (Better yet, they COME to see her!)
Please...find a safe place for you & your baby to stay until you and your husband get some counseling or other kind of help.
Call your family AND his family and ask for their help! This new little life depends you both of you to teach her how to survive in this world, but until she's old enough to protect herself you all must take the utmost care of her.
And please, don't say mother's rights and father's rights, say family rights or really responsibilities. No adult should think of parenting as having rights over another, just responsibilities for another.
Take care and God bless you!
2007-03-25 12:27:32 · answer #8 · answered by minimickimichelle 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If her well being depends on your breastmilk, and you feel like she shouldn't be separated from you, then no. He can not take her away from you.
I would call the police, tell them his plan and that you feel threatened. They will probably give you a protection order, which is most like a restraining order, but not court ordered.
If you have someone you can stay with, it would probably be best to go there so when he gets the protection order you aren't in his face...because trust me, he's going to get angry.
I have to wonder if you should be with this man, if he is not going to take your baby's best interest in to consideration before acting.
~Kaci
2007-03-25 07:59:54 · answer #9 · answered by Kaci 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
No he absolutely can not. Even if you went to court and he was awarded full custody of the infant, the custody would not commence until after the baby turns 6 months old because you're breast feeding. Note to you... stop supplementing, and he wont have any argument.
2007-03-25 07:56:30 · answer #10 · answered by Gig 5 · 5⤊ 2⤋