My husband is not a sexually active person and I am not either. However, when he wants to have sex, I better do it, otherwise he takes it personal and thinks that I don't love him and he has even mentioned of us needing a break. We have sex I would say 3-5 times a month. He is usually the one who initiates it. Sometimes, if I say no to him, the next morning he acts upset with me. I tell him before I say no to please not to take it personal that it does not have anything to do with him. But it does not work. I would like for him to understand me and not react the way he does. I need help because it bothers me to see his reaction. I love him and he is a great man and a good father but I don't think I will be able continue with this situation.
2007-03-25 07:50:32 · 20 answers · asked by wuanamala 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My two cents worth of suggestions:
- Try writing out your feelings in a letter to him
- Sit down and REALLY talk about it
- Read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" (sounds silly, but I've read it and it helped me and my boyfriend a lot)
- See a marriage counselor about it
-Perhaps in place of sex, when you're not in the mood and he is you could offer him a massage with oils and everything
Your husband needs to understand that sex and love are different. You can love someone very much without having sex with them, in the same way that you can have lots of sex with someone you don't particularly love. Good luck with this, I hope it all works out =)
2007-03-25 07:59:33 · answer #1 · answered by Zarango 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
men r v much into sex.its a fact that all women shud know specially if they are married.if u really love him and dun wana see him hurt then may b u shud talk to him about it when he is in a good mood.but first make him feel special someday.cook him his fav dinner and be a little physical lovey dovey during the whole time.later on tell him that u wana do it and once u have done it and hez all happy and satisfied tell him how much u love himand how much he means to u and tell him that if u sometimes say no it doesnt mean that u dun need him.tell him that hez the most special person for u in this world.he surely will understand.my b hez feeling upset coz hez insecure about his feeling.trust me ...for men s*x is a way of expressing their love.so understand him too and 3-5 times in a month can b a turn off for men who r into it a lot.hope things will work out between u two.have fun.best of luk
2007-03-25 15:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by afriend 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The strange thing to me is why haven't you two gone to seek help? A healthy marriage has a healthy sex life and both of you should have gone to see your doctors....You didn't mention age but my wife and I have sex 3 to 5 times a week and I'm 50. Making love brings connection and without it you start to lose it. I think both of you need to decide how important your marriage truly is and make a decision before it's to late. Start communicating again because you obviously are not and when you love someone you will try anything...
2007-03-25 15:03:44 · answer #3 · answered by miester44 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the misconceptions that women have about men (mainly after they get married) is that sex is purely physical. This is not the case. After marriage and really after the kids come along, sex is very important to a man because of what it represents to him. For most men, our wives are our biggest fans. If they weren't they wouldn't have married us. When the kids come along that attention is at best divided if not completely aimed at the children. The difference between being a wife and a mother is far greater than the differences between being a father and husband.
Anyway, back to the point. At this stage, sex is immediate intimacy with his wife. During sex you are not the mother of his children, you are his wife! Your attention is focused on him and for that short period of time, he feels important to you.
3-5 times is not too much to ask and if you really want to to the right thing initiate it every now and then.
2007-03-25 15:02:15 · answer #4 · answered by parkdad73 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it is obvious that he is more sexually active than you and that he has needs in that department that need to be satisfied. It is a two way street, he needs to respect when your tired or really not in the mood but you need to realize and acknowledge that he must have his need for sex full filled at sometime as well. It sounds to me like you need counseling to work out your issues as a couple in this department and arrive at a point where you are both comfortable with your sex life and that each of your needs is being cared for and there is mutual respect for each others needs and desires.
2007-03-25 14:59:33 · answer #5 · answered by notaxpert 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three to five times a month is not a lot. Why do you not want to do it one or more of those times? Anyway, you might make him feel great if you would initiate the lovemaking sometimes. You may have a problem with having intercourse and could use some help; or you may not love him in that way. He probably feels like you do not love him or that you feel he is not good at making love. Most men have that reaction when denied and it is normal for them to feel that way.
2007-03-25 14:57:07 · answer #6 · answered by nobluffzone 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Boring marriage. If he is not getting from u he is getting somewhere else. You need to show some sexy moves too. Remember the fire u have when u first meet. Man are like that. Give him sex and act like u like it whenever he wants it. Open them legs and do the dam thing. You are his wife and if you care like u do sex should not be an issue. Go to a sex therapist. If my man do not give me sex i act like your husband. I need it everyday before i go to work. It will end up in divorce. Sex is love to man.I hope your children do not notice how affectionate u are not.
2007-03-25 15:01:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
change the situation and get him a concubine . I think your husband is in to sex allot more then you think he is . He is just controlling himself because he loves you . He feels the only way he can fulfill his needs is to get upset with you. This has probably been going on for some time and now it is set in his mined that this is the way to approach you.
2007-03-25 15:02:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women, when will you stop complaining about a wonderful husband. He is a good husband, and father, and a great man. Would you prefer if he didn't want to be intimate at all. Marraige is a compromise. What is with you????????
By the way I am a women, and I understand you, but.........come on????????????????
2007-03-25 15:00:39 · answer #9 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you and him need to sit down and talk about how you and he feels about having sex, when and where. But if you tell him that when your in the mood you will initiate it and he would enjoy it more and not feel bad. But if he's against it just tell him that if you and him don't come to a solution, tell him what might happen. And tell him how you feel when he blames you. But want to chat more about it just IM me or e-mail me anytime.
2007-03-25 14:56:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋