Why do managers always pretend to be your best friend when they're working behind your back to shag your butt?

Question

There was this one manager I worked with, every time he walked by me he would give me this big banana smile and ask me how my day was (sometimes multiple times in the same day). He would always look in my direction as he walked by...why, shame on me for not saying hello to him fifty times a day.

I gradually became suspicious of this, and later I learned through office gossip that he was constantly making vicious complaints about my performance, work ethic, punctuality, etc., and may have had a hand in my ouster from the job.

To top it all off, he wasn't even my manager, he was a manager in a different department (but one who I sat near and had to deal with almost every day).

The thing I've learned about office culture is that you're not there to make friends; you're there to earn a paycheck.

If a manager gives me low performance appraisals, I can at least respect them if they treat me like crap to my face, unlike one who tries to soften me so they can destroy my career.

Answer 1

He was probably nervous about how he really felt about your job performance. He didn't know how to treat you to your face. And it's possible he actually really liked you as a person, just wasn't impressed with you as an employee. So the smiling might have been genuine or might have been to cover up that he was nervous. Since he is a manager, there was no reason for him to be two-faced to you. You wouldn't have had the authority to prove anything otherwise versus the claims he was making about your work so I don't think he would have acted that way just to get on your good side. More than likely it was just the only way he knew to act around you.

I'd have to argue making friends is very important in the office environment. Often, someone liking you is a precursor to them putting you on a project and finding out how well you do on that. If you do your job well and are well liked you will get treated better than if you kept to yourself and did your job well. Have a positive, friendly attitude also implies you enjoy your job and are confident in your ability to do it right. So sending off that message to everyone else is also a good idea. Good luck next time, some places just aren't a good fit. This manager should not have had any say in your performance reviews and if he did have some negative comments your supervisor should have approached you with them (from an anonymous source of course) long before they fired you.

Answer 2

There are a lot of reasons why this happens - the big two that I've seen are:
1) a perceived threat from someone who is capable, an achiever, and perceived as an up-and-comer. Of course, a better strategy would be to make friends with this person and learn what they are doing right - but that rarely happens.
2) confrontation is hard, and some people never learn to do it right. You would think grownups would be capable of saying to a fellow employee, "hey, it really fries me when you're late to meetings," or, "what happened to that report you promised me three days ago?" - but they don't because that would involve having a mature dialogue about performance expectations and results. Instead, they smile and nod at you while complaining to everyone around you about what a problem you are.

Not every office is this vicious, nor is every manager this two-faced. The lesson you should learn is the importance of networking with people at all levels in the organization. The administrative assistants, receptionists, janitors, etc., are in and out of offices all day long and hear a lot of interesting info. Building and maintaining a network may have helped you hear about Mr. Twoface's merry ways before he torpedoed your job.

There's a lot of other info on this topic but I'm sure you don't need a novel in place of an answer. :) The book "Please Understand Me" has a lot of good info about different presonality types and what prompts people to behave the way they do.

Best of luck!

Answer 3

Managers like the one you described, are all too common.

Spineless, and willing to step on others on their way to the top, or so they think. Take solace in the fact that nearly all of these types of managers never make it beyond mid-level because they can not motivate or inspire others to achieve more.

In your mentioned situation, like the other guy said, be glad you found out early. Life is WAY too short to have put up with jackazzes like that one.

Part of your job search strategy should always be to find a good fit. Try to find an organization that values it's personnel and understands that the success of a business is in large part dependent upon the quality of the staff.

Answer 4

Well, I suppose you could say that the one positive thing that came out of this, is the fact that you learned a valuable lesson early on in your life.
You will now hopefully, have the ability to spot these gutless, sleazy 2 faced, back-biting bastards before they can do you any dammage.
GOOD LUCK!