abortion...?

Question

if your boyfriend has made is very clear that he doesnt believe in abortion...
and you're pregnant and want to have an abortion...
is it best to not tell him?

Answer 1

if you've told him you're pregnant, i don't see how you can avoid telling him you terminated the pregnancy. if you haven't told him you're pregnant, you could terminate without telling him, and he'd be none the wiser, but that's not really a good way to go about things if you're serious about staying with him. if you tell him and he has a big fit and walks out on you, but still insists that you should have the baby, ask him if he wants it, then. unless you have a change of heart about wanting the child, you have the right to terminate the pregnancy, regardless of what he thinks is right. if he finds out thru some other source that you had an abortion, it could be the end of the relationship, but finding out you're pregnant could end it, too. the only way to know for sure is to tell him and see how he reacts. he may very well change his tune about abortion if he finds fatherhood is imminent. but you have other options besides abortion you should consider, as well. in the end, it is your decision, and you are the only one who can make it, but you are the only one who will really have to live with the consequences of whatever you do decide to do. i don't think abortion is necessarily a sin, or immoral, but being a mother, i do think it a shame to lose a baby under any circumstance. before you freak out about being pregnant and unwed (and perhaps a little young?), take some time to think about what a wonderful thing motherhood could be. which is not to say it's all a bed of roses, far from it, but the pros so far outweigh the cons. sure, i could tell you horror stories about how hard pregnancy is, or how painful labor is, or what a pain in the butt it is to leave the room for less than a minute to return to a toddler smeared head to toe with blackberry jam, standing on your beige carpeting, but there's so much more that's fun and amazing about having that brand new little life around. consider having the baby for at least a week, as if you really mean to go thru with it, and see if you really want to have an abortion. ultimately, your problem isn't what some boy thinks or wants, it's whether you want to be a mommy or not.

Answer 2

The father deserves to know about the pregnancy, unless he is abusive or an addict or something equally unhealthy for you & baby-- the wisest thing to do then may be to run far & fast, and deal with the pregnancy as you see fit. Generally, though, both parents should try to come up with a solution *together*. The final say lies with the mother of course, because it is her body and health she is risking after all, but the father's feelings *should* be taken into consideration. If abortion is against his wishes, his feelings should not be discounted lightly.

I'm pretty sure that just doing it anyway would be a relationship-ender, so if having an abortion is that important to you, you should probably expect that it will not only be the end of the baby's life, but the end of your relationship with the baby's father as well. Keeping it a secret is a terrbile idea if you have any respect whatsoever for him or your relationship-- somewhere down the road, he will find out and be extremely hurt, not only that you did it in the first place, but that you kept it a secret from him all that time

I'm confused, though-- if BOTH of you knew ahead of time that he's not okay with abortion, why were *either* of you having sex? Obviously neither of you were prepared to actually deal responsibly with the consequences of a sexual relationship, even knowing that by having sex, you were undertaking that responsibility whether you wanted to acknowledge it or not. Now that the deed is done and the result lies there, growing in your womb, you have the gall to ask if you should do something that YOU KNEW AHEAD OF TIME your boyfriend would not be supportive of at all?? I'm not saying that it's "responsible" of him to get you pregnant in the first place, BUT he at least is willing to take responsibility for the child, according to his own professions against abortion.

This whole situation seems doomed from my POV, due to your own immaturity and selfishness. I'm honestly not trying to say this to be mean, but rather because I feel the need to call it as I see it here-- there's no use in sugar-coating the truth when the truth is ugly. You took the risk, and now you're having to face the consequences. I hope you can see past yourself here and your own selfishness and understand how horribly disrespectful it would be to the father's feelings to run off and abort his baby without even telling him-- ESPECIALLY knowing that he would not want it aborted.

This is a bad situation you've gotten yourself into, indeed. You are really damned if you do, damned if you don't here. If you abort the baby, you will probably lose the father as well-- either immediately or at some point in the future. And if you keep the baby for his sake, you may resent them both for it and still end up alone somewhere down the road.

How does he feel about giving a baby up for adoption? And if you know yourself well enough to know that you are NOT ready/willing to be a mother yet, would you be willing to carry the baby, and give up all parental rights to it after the birth so *he* can fulfill his responsibility as a father? Maybe he is really ready to embrace this, while you are obviously not.

You *do* have lots of options here, despite what it may look like. The problem is, few of these options provide an easy way out of the situation for you. Only you can say which solutions offer more positives than negatives, so in the end it all boils down to it being YOUR choice, after all. Part of the responsibility of being given choices in life, though, is the implicit condition that we do our best to make WISE choices.

I wish you wisdom as you make this one. It has the potential to do some serious damage to your current and future relationships, and should in no way be taken lightly.

God bless.

Answer 3

To not tell him would be a lie because a lie of omission is still a lie. If I was the guy and found out you had done this, I would break up with you.

I know that I can't change your mind about the ethics of abortion because people rarely change their mind about that. But after hearing so many stories from heartbroken women who live their lives feeling so guilty after an abortion, I have to ask you to reconsider. Why don't you go in for an ultrasound and have a look. Many women fall in love with the baby right then and there. If it's not possible for you to raise the child, keep in mind there are other options. Why don't you read up on adoption? Many good homes would love to adopt your child.

Answer 4

Lying to your boyfriend won't help. You will always have that secret hidden away from him and YOU WILL tell him a some point. Tell him that you are pregnant and want to have an abortion. Explain to him that you just cant have a baby right now for several reasons (i.e. Money, school, work...). If he still doesn't agree you can put the baby up for adoption or you can have an abortion but he will be mad!

Answer 5

Well, it mostly depends on whether or not he knows that you're pregnant. I would think that he's got as much say in the life of his child as you do. Abortion is a very emotional decision to make, and please don't make it lightly. Most women who have had them regret it later on in life. Before you make up your mind, please talk to someone who can at least tell you all your options. And I don't think that it's fair for you to make him suffer your decision just because you weren't careful.

I got pregnant out of wedlock and considered abortion as well. I ended up not doing it and now have a wonderful 7 yr old boy. Every once in awhile I wonder what would have happened if I had gotten rid of him....my life wouldn't have been nearly as wonderful as it is right now.

One more thing, if you decide to have the abortion...never have unprotected sex again. It's bad enough that you killed one baby without making it a habit just because you can't be responsible. It is your body, so if you don't want kids, you are responsible in making sure it doesn't happen.

Answer 6

fortunately most dr will require the dads signature before they will even consider abortion. something u should consider is that by the time u miss your period the baby inside of u already has a heartbeat. that happens about day 10 after conception. if u go to a dr they can let u listen to the baby's heartbeat. if u really feel u r not ready for a child , that is fine, but u could give it up for adoption. there is millions of couples that can not have a child of their own to love. let them do an ultrasound and take a good hard look at your baby and take some time to think and really research your heart and sould if u will emotionally really be able to KILL a living little person

Answer 7

First you need to separate legal rights from ethical rights. The two are entirely different.

SWITCH PLACES
To comprehend ethical rights, switch places. You are now the boy and he is the girl. He is pregnent and has your child in his womb. He wants to keep the baby. But you don't want him to give birth, so you decide to kill his baby. He is forced against his will, by legal right, to have the baby taken from him and killed. He is devastated.

BACK TO REALITY
Now you understand him and why legal rights don't come close to satisfying ethical rights. The child is half his yet he has no legal say. As a point of interest, he also would be legally obligated to pay for child support if you were to keep the child. Funny how the law plays out in this case.

It is ethically wrong to keep your boyfriend in the dark.
It is legally okay to keep your boyfriend in the dark.
Pardon the pun, but the situation is all f*#ked up.

Answer 8

OMG your so lucky to have a guy in your life that wants to share something so special with you!!! Having a baby is something life changing and can scare the hell out of woman, but to not tell him is very selfish.. its his baby too ya know!!! I mean yea its your body and your choice, but tell him, he might be able to help you through it... when i told my Boyfriend i was pregnant i cried and cried, and he kept laughing and smiling saying that this was the best thing that could have ever happened. I bet if you tell him, and sit down and talk about you will see that having a baby won't be as scary as you think.. can you visulize the sweetest lil baby cuddled up in his/her daddy's neck... why would you want to not experience that moment with someone who obviously would stand up to his responsibilities since he doesnt believe in abortion.. I think you shoudl tell him.. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

This is a question that has as many answers as the people who read them. Ultimatly it's your decision. If I were the father, I would want to know. And if you wanted an abortion, I would talk you out of it and take the child myself. Peace.

Answer 10

u should tell him that u want an abortion, he has the right to know, dont hide things behind his back or hell lose trust in u.