Ever have a bad feeling you couldn't shake about your husband?

Question

Last October while in CA (my husband's haunting ground) I was overtaken by a bad feeling. A series of events had me thinking he met up with an old female friend. He and I have had a few rocky years since we've been together and I'm not sure if it's just my insecurities or if this feeling is something to persue. I've always been one to want to know the truth no matter what it is and I don't want to confront him unless I have some solid proof. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can find out or ways to be able to brush this feeling off and get on with my life?

Answer 1

Realize that if you go snooping or get confrontational, it will harm your relationship in a way that may not be fixable. You have to do an inward search as to why you are insecure. Once you make some progress, you can bring up the fact with him that you are insecure, but in no way should it include suspicions about his fidelity. If he finds out you don't trust him, it will harm your relationship.

Answer 2

I've found that whenever we feel something so strongly in our guts, there's a good reason for it. Intuition is my favorite sense! It's the only thing in life that you can trust 1000%! Even if, at first, you think your intuition has failed you, don't back down. It just means that you haven't looked hard enough or in the right place.

One route you can take in discovering the truth is the direct route: confront him about your suspicions and ask him point blank: "Are you seeing another woman? (or women?) I don't know how big a liar he is, but if he's like the men I've known, he'll deny the fact whilst nibbling her earlobes while you stand there tapping your foot glaring angrily at them.

Another possible route is more stealthy -- provided that your cheater is not a bold faced liar. Follow him to where you think he's making time with this other woman and be sure to have some sort of device to document the evidence (photo/video). And depending on his personality type, you should probably have a good support system to accompany you in case this confrontation should turn violent or otherwise ugly.

Good luck, and be safe!

Answer 3

Depends what the 'series of events' were.
Be a glorious wife, but alert for more information.
If there is something happening, he is more likely to reveal it if his guard is down. If you are a glorious wife and not sourface wife, he is likely to realise he has the better deal at home.
If he is up to tricks, it will show itself at some point. If you are really suspicious, hire a private investigator or install a camera or something, but this can really backfire if he did not do anything wrong, and is a massive gamble.

In the end it depends if you want finding out as the most important outcome, or if you want a happy husband who prefers to be with you as the most important outcome. Once you have made that choice then you know which of the above tactics to use or not.

Answer 4

either u ask him straight-up, or go around him, asking others who might know. Either you're good @ being sneeky or not. You said the relationship is rocky, so what have u got to lose. Is the relationship worth saving or not? You said 'a series of events', well where did that end @? You know the man, what kinda man is he?What is his moral scope? What is your moral scope?
I also always want the truth no matter what that might be. If u have the need to know then find out, otherwise let it go.

Answer 5

Why , whenever someone thinks there spouse is cheating , they want advice about what to do, or how to find out. If you don;t know what a word means, must people look in a dictionary, if you want to cook a meatloaf , you look in a cookbook, etc... Look don't mean to sound insensitive, but, look around you have his habits changed, if so follow him and see what he's doing, ask him straight up, these are the only ways to be sure. Seeing is believing, yes. Or if nothing is happening , it's your insecurities. Fix them, many marriages are destroyed on I THINK YOU ARE< I SUSPECT YOU ARE, without really knowing......

Answer 6

I understand that you dont want to confront him without any solid proof. Because it could just come back to slam in your face.

But from my experience its always best to atleast get it out, and ask. It may be a big fight. But you will be able to tell by his reaction if he did something.

And most likely the feeling is eating you up because you havent let it out to him. I bet you will feel alot better once its out and your reassured.

Answer 7

If both of you are committed to the marriage and are trying to smooth over the rocky times (all marriages have these), I would stop focusing on the past and direct your energy into moving forward. Being obsessed about this will impede your efforts to work things out. Try to let it go...

Answer 8

Usually bad feelings mean something. This didn't come out of the air, there must be several things that has happened to make you think this. Keep a watchful eye on him and pay attention, most likely if something did go down, it will come out sooner or later.

Answer 9

Well, if you are willing to find out- and willing to pay the price of finding out - then go ahead!
You can hire someone to follow him; take pictures and such.
Or check his cell phone and credit cards. I don't know much about this, but I have seen it happen before.
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You cannot just "brush away" this feeling, hun. Our women's intuition tells us when "something is rotten in Denmark..."

To try to deny this will sooner or later make you ill.
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Sorry to hear you are going through this. Think things over before you do anything....Once you start, you'll have to finish it.
Examine your heart and marriage. IF you want to save it, look for other possibilities.....Try to talk to a pastor or priest or seek counseling. Don't do anything rash or act on an impulse- you may regret it.


Hope you feel better. Take care of yourself.

Answer 10

Anyone who came before you "doesn't count" in marriage. If you have nothing but a 'feeling' to go on, I'd keep my mouth shut and put on a loving wife face. You want him to think of nothing but you? Then act like you think of nothing but him....you can't do that by finding something to be suspicious about. Forget the drama. Godloveya.