Living With An addict-how can it be helped?

Question

I'm 15, 16 come this summer. My Mom is a terrible addict...to what, I'm not even sure, a lot of things I suppose. Cocaine, those needle things, ect. A lot of the smoking stuff. Well, my Dad, who recently moved back in with us, is a semi-addict too. He doesn't really look for it, but when it's in easy access, he takes it. I'm very, very tired of getting money stolen from me for their habit, and just having this stuff in my home to begin with. Is there anyway I could sort of force my Mom into Rehab or something?
I don't want to have to leave my family and my home...I want to stay and make my parents get better...
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Thank you all for your advice, but on the subject of money, please try to understand that it's not that easy to keep it away from them. My Mom WILL get violent if I don't give her money, she has kicked my sister out of the house because of it. Until I have a car and can drive away when she gets like that, I can't quite say No to her, it results in a neverending battle and her making my life more difficult long after she's sober.

Answer 1

Well, you have quite a situation on your hands. I know you want to make them better, but you can't. They have to make themselves better and it is not an easy thing to do, to say the least. My suggestion would be to talk to a teacher or counselor at school who may be able to give you more support than you'll find here. There are also support groups out there for families of addicts, you should really look into that. Take care and remember, it's not your fault and you cannot save them - they have to save themselves, you can only let them know how you feel and make sure you refuse to enable their sickness. If you are going to stay home, get a lock box to keep your valuables in.

Answer 2

Unfortunately the only way you're going to 'force' your parents to get help is to make things "worse" before they get better. This is usually the way it must happen with addicts. They have to hit rock-bottom before they find the inner strength to fight their addiction. Losing you (figuratively and literally) may just be that rock-bottom for them.

What you need to do is 1) Make the heart-wrenching but utterly necessary decision to stand by your beliefs no matter what! 2) Talk to your most-trusted responsible adult. A teacher, maybe, or the parent of a friend, a coach, a neighbor, an aunt, uncle, grandparent. Someone that you know can be your rock. Someone that will only have your very best interests in mind and will fully support you in your decision. 3) Confide in this adult. Explain your situation fully, leaving out nothing. Explain your decision to help your parents see what their destructive behavior is doing to you. Prepare yourself to stay with this person, or another trusted freind/family member while your parents are getting help. Remember, this will be a temporary thing. 4) Make the call. Report your parents to authorities who WILL be able to force them into rehab by removing you from the home....then prepare yourself for the very long, difficult journey.

It's not going to be easy. There will be many times you question your decision, but you have to remember that this IS what is best for you and this IS what is best for your parents. Initially they will not view it that way, but if they love you as much as parents love their children, they will get well and they will thank you for being strong enough to do what you needed to do to save your family.

Answer 3

You might want to seek out al-anon or alateen. Their meetings are for family members of alcoholics (same thing with addicts -- though nar-anon isn't around as much as the other two groups so it will be harder to find).
you should read up on some of their literature online and go to a group if you can get to one. There will likely be people there that have dealt with your situation and can offer specific advice.

First off,
You *cannot* save your parents from their own decisions. no amount of protecting them from money, hiding/dumping their booze/stash, or anything else like that will stop them from using drugs and alcohol.

Can you talk to a family member that you can trust? You may get some help if there's a close family member that you can go to about this stuff. You cannot CANNOT deal with it on your own. 90% of adults in this world can't deal with it -- and I was on the other end of things when i was your age (i was the problem). What you have to do is look out for your own well being. It is TERRIBLE to watch a family member go down this path, but you can help yourself in the situation deal with it as best you can.

If there is no family available, you absolutely must call someone in authority or speak with your guidance counselor at school. Talk to Child and youth services, speak with your principle, speak with *ANYONE* who is in a position to get you help.
You absolutely cannot live in those conditions. Speaking from experience, I know that they are in NO position to care for you (you can see for yourself they can't even care about themselves)...



It Really Really sucks. but you cannot fix them. you can offer them literature from a 12 step program (search online for "12 step program") but beyond that you can't make them do anything.
Check out the family-support sites in my source list and god help you. for real.

Answer 4

Talk to your parents about it. Of course, only when they are sober. You can't reason with someone who's high. If they are unwilling to get treatment voluntarily, go to child services, and tell them you believe your parents are doing drugs, and you need help. Explain to them that you don't want to leave your home, or get your parents in trouble, but just want them to be clean. You need to look out for yourself, and do whatever it takes to be in a happy, and healthy home. If you don't want to go to child services, maybe there is a teacher, or relative who can help you too.

Answer 5

Hon your problems are too hard to solve on Yahoo Answers! You need to look in your phone book for Al-Anon and talk with them -they will be able to give you good advice and assistance to make it through this. They will not tell what you talk about as long as no one is abusing you but can give you advice on how to live with your parents problems.

Answer 6

Well, first of all, I have a question for you: when you were in 5th grade or Jr. High, did you have a D.A.R.E program? Anyway, in this program you learn to resist drugs, violence.... If you don't want your parents waisting your money, keep it away from them. You should also keep them busy with other events and projects to keep their minds off of it. (you may want to try to convince your dad to help your mom with her problems, he should be able to resist) Good Luck. (try looking at dare.com)

Answer 7

Is there a friend or relative that can help.. if yes do so,, the worst thing is letting this happen every second.. they need help desparately. get out of there and move to someplace nice. you staying there is not gonna help them.. get them into rehab asap

Answer 8

My parents became addicted to meth when I was 12. Up until then I had been such a sheltered child that I had no clue about drugs period - I knew they existed but other than that I was clueless. And meth was just getting to our area then, so alot of people were the same way as me about that particular drug. After months of abuse (waking up to a shotgun in my face becuase my stepdad swore that he saw my boyfried climbing out my 2nd story bedroom window and always being accused of spying and being left alone in our house for days at a time) and horrible smells coming from the basement, my aunt finally let it slip what was going on to my brothers and I. We were so ashamed and scared that we told no one. Our teachers and friends HAD to know, but no one asked so we didn't ell. Finally I got up the nerve to tell my uncle, who I completely trusted. I kept waiting for someone to save us, but found out later that my parents had turned alot of the loved ones that I trusted to meth also. It went on for a couple years, we lost our house and everything and were moved in with another family in which the parents were also on meth so it was pretty much just 7 kids living in one house by ourselves. The small town had to know - the house was condemned, and the town never made us leave because they knew it was only us kids. We never had food, often went without water and electricity but still made it to school every day. Teachers and other adults jus turned ther heads. Finally my grandmother took us kids and we eventually got split up among the remaining clean members of our family, but my parents didn't care. They were probably relieved...that is if they even noticed. My stepdad finally went to jail and after he got out they got back into meth again. Both went through rehab after rehab and nothgin seemed to work. They were too far gone maybe? My stepdad finally left my mom and is now dead to me. My mom finally turned her life around COMPLETELY after I had kids and she found out that she would NEVER know her grandkids if she wasn't straight as an arrow. Now that we can talk about he past, she says she wished we would have called Children's Services or the cops on her as soon as we knew somethign was wrong. She thinks it may have helped her to realize how wrong she was but more than that she at least believes we would have had been better cared for and not had to endure the abuse and shame. I disagreed at first, but now I see that maybe it would have been the best thing to do. I didn't because I didn't want to be split up from my brothers and I still loved my parents, but my parents really didn't deserve us. You need to think about yourself and your future. If you have siblings who are younger you may need to think about them too. Maybe you can move in with an aunt or uncle or grandparent (alot of times DCF will choose that route as opposed to sending children to foster homes). If you know an adult that you really trust and value their opinion (family friend, teacher, coach, etc. - someone that won't go back and tell your parents) then you might ask them what they think you should do. I REALLY wished I would have, and now regret it terribly. I really feel for you because that is no way for a teenager to live. Youcan threaten your parents with calling the cops or telling your teachers. Tell them if they don't get into rehab and straighten up you will tell the authorities. They can't keep you out of school, so they might just listen. Don't EVER think it is your fault, though. NOTHING you have done made them do this. They have no excuse and the longer you wait to force them to get help the more of a chance there is that something really bad could happen (OD, abuse, etc.)

Answer 9

you are way to young to be dealing with this on your own,lok up AL-ANON in you phone book or go to AL-ANON.com and find a place near you,anything you talk to them about will be between you and a sponser,I am a recovering addict and alcoholic and I had to hit rock bottom so to say b4 I got help,there are people who can help you,I wish you luck and will be praying for you.

Answer 10

Yes you can call up your relatives and influence you parents to go to rehab. I'm sorry for situation I pray for you and your family.