do all women lose sexual interest in their mates after 4 years of marriage?

Question

My wife and i used to have a good sex life but now she seems to enjoy not putting out. She has lost interest in many other aspects of the relationship too. should i just spare myself the risk of insanity as i watch my married life go to ****, or should i keep asking "whats wrong with this picture?" till she gives me an answer? I'm about ready to just divorce her and let her find someone that can put up with her wierdness, but that is hard to do with a 4 year old kid

Answer 1

Try killing yourself, it worked for me, and life after death is truly awesome..... lol...

J/K

Actually, I'm going through roughly the same thing too. Only I think I have some answers to my problem. The only thing I can really say to you is this, take a good hard look at this from a very outside the box perspective. Examine not what she is or is'nt doing, but examine what YOU are or are not doing.

For example, my wife is an accounting manager and I am a software developer. My job is not stressful, hers is. My wife has 2 sons, one is a teen who is giving us problems (typical teenage boy stuff), I have 2 younger ones (10 and 7) and along with her youngest (10) we have virtually no problems with them at all.

Within the house, our agreement is that I take care of the outside of the house including the garage as well as most of the laundry, she does the inside, cleaning, dinner, helping the kids with their homework, etc... Sounds fair so far right?

Up until about a month or 2 ago I fought about this within my head about "why". Why is it my wife, whom I love very very much, shows very little interest in sex or being intimate with me. Why is it when she asks me for advice, 90% of the time it falls on deaf ears. Afterall, we share virtually all of the household and parental responsibilities.

Well a few answers came up, once I began to study it. And mind you, this is stricktly from my POV. My wife is lazy. But I do take into account that she does have a very stressful job. But she seems to show more interest in TV, gossip, etc... than she does in me, and our marriage. Like I said, my POV. Showering before bed, shaving her legs, even attempting to dress sexy on those rare occasions when we dont have the kids, all but non-existant. Oh and yeah, she does shave her legs before work and sometimes she does shower at night, normally its after she hits the gym, but not always. Even recently at her work, they have been having a weight loss competition, and she didnt win. So yeah its dissapointing to her, and I have been nothing but supportive about it. Even this last week I have been giving her suggestion after suggestion when asked, how can I lose more weight faster? Did it really matter? Like I said, my suggestions, my opinions they all fall on deaf ears. So why bother.

So a few months ago, I sat her down and told her how I saw things were going. I also did take into account all that she does do and things I dont. I really did try to balance it out as 50/50 as I could. Believe me, I know I'm not perfect.

So I said to her, ok, every two weeks, we will 100% guaranteed be alone, no kids, and we will do something fun, but we will alternate roles. One week you will plan, the next time I will plan. And so far............ Well lets just say her second turn is coming up this weekend, and I honestly dont think she has remembered. Last time I took her to LA, rode the train there, had a nice long day with her. She loved it, it was relaxing. The time before that..... You know what man... Just get a divorce, go find someone you are 100% compatible with. Trying to live a f----ing lie with someone who takes no interest in you, has not one romantic bone in their body is a total waste of time. Get divorced and go be happy.

Answer 2

This happens a lot, and there are really 2 choices.

If you choose to stay for your 4 year old, go get it from somewhere else, that way you won't resent her for it, it might even make things better. There are lots of choices out there, examine all your alternatives and choose the best option for you.

If you choose to leave, make sure you can live with the fact that you left because you need more sex, and be ready to deal with the consequences.

Both of these options, of course, is after you have tried everything possible to rectify the situation, counseling, trying harder, talking to her about it, etc.

Answer 3

Don't just leave. Try counseling. They can help with the sexual side of a relationship too. I have been married for 5 years and we have been together for 9 (having sex). And I must say, I have been the one seducing him as of recently!! It is totally awesome!!!

Answer 4

Of course not! Not even after 17 years!
Maybe you just need some new "moves" - try washing the pots after supper, vacuum the living room, wash the bathroom -- not THAT'S the kind of foreplay women love!