why did my wife lose interest in me?

Question

my wife seems to have lost interest in me after 4 years marriage, and i fear she is just staying for the sake of our daughter. Sex is almost non-existant (2-3 times a month at most_) and arguments seem to be baited. I had thought she was cheating but im now sure she isnt, but i am lost as trying to figure out what she doesn't want to discuss. Maybe she regrets marrying an older man, i dont know... help would be appreciated

Answer 1

OK first of all, if you don't know, ASK her what the problem is. I think there is a nice way to ask her, hunny, what's bothering you lately. Show her your concern and willingness to do anything to make this marriage work. Tell her, you want that spark again which initally made ya'll fall in love. Sometimes, you alone talking to her is not enough. you should try couples therapy, I did and it works wonders. You'll realize stuff about one another and rediscover stuff that made ya'll happy together. Marriage counseoling is along the same lines. Trust me, everything will work out. Love always prevails :)

Answer 2

Well I don't know how much older you are than she, but maybe sex is non-existant because you lack lovemaking skills and she is not happy. Did you ever think about that aspect? Maybe some spice should be added in the bedroom. Have you ever asked her what was the problem or if you are doing anything that is bothering her? In a marriage it takes two people to maintain it, not one. Why don't you take her away for a few days to a Bed and Breakfast to rejuvinate your passion between both of you? Maybe she feels you don't love her or maybe she feels that you don't give her the attention she craves. If there is no communication, how can you know. Work at talking things out, not holding them in so they can fester. Don't throw in the towel on this marriage, because it can be rejuvinated again, it just takes some work on both your parts. So discuss with her, tell her you love her, send her a dozen roses with a card telling her you love her. If you see that she is unhappy then ask her why. Also try marriage counseling..not a bad idea either. But try to work it out for the sake of your daughter and lromance in the marriage bed can be rejuvinated again. It takes work that's all.

Answer 3

Sounds like you two are having communication issues. Maybe there were certain things you two should have discussed before marriage that would've caused you two to be more open with each other.

****** Also, after giving birth to a baby, some women do lose interest in the husbands sexually because their hormones are trying to re=balance.

I'm sure that if you two had a seroius one-to-one talk, it will clear up many issues. Hey, try involving mediator too, this should keep down any arrguments that arise.

Hope this helps

Answer 4

Probably it's your behavior: you don't sound like a positive, confident, interesting male. You need to groom well, excercise self-discipline (good manners included), be cheerful and pleasant most of the time, take time for dating and romance with your wife, and when she tells you she loves you, let her know that she is special.

Hard to get back there once you are in the position of trying to implement a "cleanup job" though.

BTW, don't buy into that "communication issues" crap. The only one who has a communication issue if she has lost interest in you is... her: she isn't telling you what is bothering her... probably because she doesn't completely understand it herself. Nagging her about it is just going to drive her interest level into the dirt. You've got a cleanup job on your hands.

Watch old Carry Grant movies and learn how to be a funny gentleman if you lack inspiration and role models. Branch out and grow, cultivate your interests, do new things, restore the magic.

The only woman responding who is being remotely aware and honest in these answers is MsB2U: she's telling you the straight dope (very self-aware--don't usually see that). You, my friend, have become predictable... and not in a good way.

Answer 5

I doubt that your age has anything to do with it; but the fact that you spoke primarily of your sex life is very telling.
Sex isn't the only indicator of the state of a marriage, Hon. The infrequency just might mean that she's tired. Does she work outside the home too? Do you help her out? Help with your daughter? Offer to take your wife out to dinner after a long day? These things mean that you are striving to make HER happy and comfortable, too.
Too often men just bring home a paycheck and think that's all their wives need. Trust me, it isn't. It isn't easy being a wife and mother, and have to hold down a job too. Ask HER what she needs to make the marriage better for her, 'cause Honey, it ain't all about you.

Answer 6

have you done anything to make her angry and resentful? I don't know your situation, but I'll tell you that I have lost interest in my husband and the main reason is that he spent years cheating on me which I find hard to forget. He and I have been seperated a few times and the first time was because he kicked me out so he could be with his girlfriend, well needless to say that was too much so I went on with my life and began a relationship of my own, which he ended up finding out about, and instead of being mature, he went and used my kids, my car and numerous other ways to threaten me. He completely blackmailed me into ruining the relationship. Now this person won't talk to me, to this day, which I resent him for. And even though we got back together, he still continued in his little escapades, but I didn't. So to make a long story short. I resent him, I have anger and hatred for him, and so forth, therefore I do not want anything to do with him, the only time we sleep together is when he makes me feel guilty, but I get nothing out of it. i don't know about your situation, all I can say is that it sounds like something has died. Whether it's sexual attraction, love or whatever, something has happened. Could she be angry and resentful to you for something? Could she be having an affair? Does she have regrets? Did she get married perhaps before she was ready? I don't know, you're best bet is to seek therapy, but try talking to her first. If not, try to persuade her to go to counseling with you. Tell her how much you love her and how you want to work out whatever might be troubling her. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 7

Has she lost interest in anything else besides you? Could it be depression or anxiety? The only way to know for sure is to talk to her, and it sounds like she is being very guarded. Don't push too hard all at once or be overwhelming, but tell her that you guys need to talk. Don't ambush her, maybe schedule a time to talk, and give her a chance to pull her thoughts together. If she is having a hard time talking to you about whatever is wrong, she may be very worried about your response, so I would advise trying very hard not to be defensive and let her say what she needs to say. It may hurt, so be prepared, but, maybe it isn't about you and her, just her. Good luck to you. (Oh, as the mother of a small child, I can tell you that lack of sex doesn't have to be about not wanting you, just about being tired, or distracted, or whatever!)

Answer 8

She could be experiencing some difficulties not directly related to your relationship...depression, stress, fatigue...all of which are common after the birth of a child. Try giving her some more time and care...helping out where you can, without making any emotional demands of your own. If there is no change in 3-6 months, ask her to visit a counselor with you...

Answer 9

There could be many factors, and if you want to save it, you both need to sit down and talk, and figure out what is the real problem, and you did not mention the age difference, and the reason I ask, is that that also plays a very big part..???? Been there , done that,,,,

Answer 10

she may be having some regrets, but it really has very little to do with u, whatever it is its within her, has nothing to do with circumstances, eventually u will need to discuss it with her, and how do u know she isn't planning to cheat, this is the way they act when they want out of a marriage, everything is an argument, communication is key to it all, if u can't communicate with her, u will never be able to work it out.