that you are not in love with him anymore, that you want to go your seperate ways. I have told him over and over and he doesn't get it. He thinks I'm just mad at him, so he acts all nice and thinks if he acts nice, it's all better. But the truth of it is, it has nothing to do with the fights. He has put me through years of torture and torment(cheating, emotional abuse, damaged relationships with others close to me, and the list goes on), I do not love him and want to be with him anymore. I have told him that I love someone else, I have told him I want a divorce, everything, but he hangs on and won't let me go. If I try to leave he'll threaten me with the kids or in other ways to try to make me stay. I love him as a person and as the father of my children, but there is no romantic love, no sexual attraction, nothing, but he never gets it.
2007-03-25 05:22:20 · 21 answers · asked by countrygrl278 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't really have a boyfriend, I just told him that, cause he doesn't get it
2007-03-25 05:43:18 · update #1
Move out and file for divorce. Don't allow his threats to hold you back. I like the fact that you say that you love him as a person and as the father of your children. Those feelings will help the children through the situation much easier than if you were constantly saying how much you hate him. It sounds like you will be fair when it comes to custody/visitation. Perhaps if he realizes that, he will not be so difficult.
Best luck.
2007-03-25 05:31:39 · answer #1 · answered by Abby 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a small way I have to agree with Jim. My husband is the same way. I have become completely dependent on him and he knows that. All he has to do is throw some of my insecurities in my face and he knows I'll stay. Don't stay. If you really want to leave, then do so. Pack up the kids, go stay with family, or find some form of housing you can pay for. Some places offer limited income housing (they'll probably be really ghetto, but you have to start somewhere) Find a job anyplace you can that will even come close to paying the bills and file for divorce. If you've been a stay at home mom, chances are he'll have to pay alimony, and he'll have to pay child support for the kids. Make sure that child support goes to the kids and their support! Use it to pay bills, buy them clothing, books for school etc..
Long story short, you need to leave and start anew or stay and get some kind of counseling.
2007-03-25 12:56:50 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Informed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tuff place to be in a relationship. I am sorry to hear that you have had such a hard time. If you are sure that you have no feelings left as a lover with him, go talk with a lawyer and see what your chances of getting the children are. If they are good simply file for either a divorce or legal seperation. He is probably just intimidating you into staying. If you believe he might actually harm you get a restraining order to keep him away. More than likely when he sees that you are this serious he will just leave it alone, but it is better to be safe than sorry. So please play it safe. My best wishes for a happier future.
2007-03-25 12:31:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with him for the last time and tell him exactly
the way you feel as you have before. If he still
does not want a divorce, then leave when he is not
there, as he has threatened you, and take
the child with you, notify a lawyer to serve the di-
vorce papers, communicate only by phone with
him and when the divorce papers are served then
if he does not accept it the lawyer can represente
you in court and get the divorce for you, and if he
still haunts you get a restraining order from the
courts, and that's about all you can really do until
the divorce papers are final. In the meantime it
would not be wise to be seeing anyone during
this time as it would be a dis-advantage to you.
So keep a low profile until you are divorced.
2007-03-25 13:13:04 · answer #4 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to make him understand, you just have to leave him. If he is threatening you , get help. It sounds like he is manipulating you into staying. It would be nice if he would understand and let you leave in as nice a way possible, but that doesn't sound like something he's going to do. It also sounds like you have been trying for a long time to live with a very difficult person. If it were me, I'd be worn out. But don't let him wear you down into staying, if you don't believe that is the best thing to do. Good luck to you.
2007-03-25 12:31:40 · answer #5 · answered by Lappet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BY your own admission your husband is putting much efforts to save your marriage. You are hung on much bitterness about what he has done in the past. He thinks there is something worth salvaging in your relationship; you seem to think there is nothing. Your evidence for that is that passion is out.
My take is this: Passion is the least measure of familial love, especially because it can ne recreated, even of it is totally lost. But to do that you have to be forgiving and assured that your husband regrets his past conduct and will not take you for granted again.
I feel you need to think through if there is something still worth keeping in your marriage. At the moment you have your kids, a husband begging, a home, companionship. Passion can be recreated. You have much.
2007-03-25 12:39:09 · answer #6 · answered by Elder 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope you have a job, because it doesn't sound as though he plans on going anywhere. You need to move out, Hon, and possibly obtain a PPO.
Do NOT move in with your BF immediately; depending on which state you live in, this could possibly affect you retaining custody of your children. If you're a good mother, there's very little chance of your husband obtaining custody (particularly in light of his abuse.) But judges sometimes don't look kindly on cohabitation.
Your first step is to find somewhere else to live. Stop arguing with your husband, and take action; then get yourself a good divorce attourney.
2007-03-25 12:41:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will get the point when you serve him with the divorce papers. Make the move and do it. He is a real smuck for threatening with the kids
2007-03-25 12:27:05 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you have told him over and over, the only thing left to do is show him. Get your things packed and leave. If you don't feel right leaving while he is there (to avoid another fight or confrontation) do it while he is at work. Good luck.
2007-03-25 13:51:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
STOP TALKING AND START ACTING.
This is how he sees you "blah blah blah blah divorce blah blah blah blah problems blah blah blah blah hurt me."
YET YOU STAY.
Serve him with papers and tell him if he doesn' t leave, then you are already packed. (Of course, have a place lined up - since he is so callous towards you you will most likely be the one who moves. Has he always been this way? Then why did you marry him?)
Anyway, there is no "I'm trying" with people like him. Do something or shut up about it.
2007-03-25 12:43:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋