Do I stop him seeing her?

Question

My ex & I split up 3 yrs ago. He is now in a relationship with a 18 yr old girl, he is 32,our daughter is 8.
I told him I didn't agree with the her age, she was 16 at the time & said our daughter could only see him not her. He only sees our daughter about once a month for the max of 7 hours each time - his choosing.
Last Easter I received a text message saying that 3 days previous they had had a baby boy.
My little girl was & still is deverstated. She constantly crys & said that her daddy doesn't want her anymore.
I backed down & said she could see his girlfriend so that she could see the baby.
But things have got worse & worse, every time she goes out with them he never spends time with her, just concentrates on the baby.
He still only sees her when he wants, still about once a month always saying he's busy working even though people including myself have seen him out with the girlfriend & baby.
I've tried speaking to him but he doesn't seem to care & nothing changes.

Answer 1

Don't stop him seeing her, at least he's seeing her a little bit, and she's going to have hurt feelings no matter what....but at least she will 'see' him for who he is. If you don't let her see him, then she will create an image in her mind, and everyone knows that what we create in our mind is not the reality. You never know, one day things may change, but in the meantime, focus on the positive and keep reminding your daughter to focus on the positive too. She has a great Mommy and other family members....my heart aches for your daughter....

Answer 2

Question - who says your ex spends time only with his new baby when your daughter's with him and his new family? I know your daughter's probably feeling out of things but is she telling you what she thinks you want to hear? If she's spending only a few hours a month with him they're not really maintaining any sort of meaningful relationship. Has your daughter tried writing a letter to her Dad to explain how she feels? Maybe if he realises his actions are hurtful to her he may be prepared to see her more often or even spend time with her alone away from the girlfriend, the baby and you. In the meantime all you can do is love her
and be there for her and certainly don't slag off her Dad to her. In time she may come to realise either that some relationships aren't going to work out no matter how much you want them to or she'll build a good relationship with her Dad and his new family. She's got a lot of growing to do yet.

Answer 3

have you talked to him about how your daughter is feeling about the situation and how is is affecting her, he has moved on with his life but that doesn't mean your daughter cant see him because he has a new partner regardless of her age since she is an adult, your ex will have to step up and divide his time equally between his new child and his daughter, your daughter needs to spend as much time with him as possible away from the girlfriend and other things going on, he should not be only seeing his daughter when he chooses at only once a month she needs him to be more apart of her life so they can rekindle the father daughter bond, you may have to take him to court to set up visitation so that she can see him more often than she is now.....

Answer 4

This question breaks my heart, what a predicament you are in. I am so sorry for you. Don't stop your daughter from seeing her dad and let her see his girlfriend and the baby too, they are obviously serious enough. If you stop it, one day she might label you the 'baddie'. But at the same time don't make her go, if she wants to she can, if she doesn't want to she doesn't have to. She is still young but old enough to know whether she wants to see him but keep her options open.

Please give her as much love and hugs and cuddles as you possibly can and be careful when she is older and has boyfriends as this situation with her dad will impact on that. Make sure she does lots of things in her life that boost her confidence and make her happy like dance, art, sport etc. And encourage friendships as much as you can. She needs lots of love and support!

Good luck!

Answer 5

Okay well, I think this is a very complicated situation but a simple answer. I think you and your daughter should move on to a new life and start fresh. You are better than him you know? You and your daughter shouldn't hesitate but continue to go on with your life.

I don't think you should tell him to stop seeing you. It is his life and if an 18 year old is who he loves than so be it. I know in your heart you care for him but I don't think you should try and keep him away from her, or else you'll be in MORE trouble.

Answer 6

no wot ever hes done. you cant let him not see his littel girl its not fare on the wee one. tell him he needs to be more of a father tho. and let him no been a father is full time work and hes got alot of over time to make up. all the best with that hope he wises up soon

Answer 7

I know how you feel it is hard to watch your child when they are upset. i have 3 children that go and see their dad on a Saturday the boys are fine with that but my daughter gets upset and thinks that he likes the boy more than her and i think she is right and when i talk to him its like talking to a wall. but now she is older she tells him her self what she thinks. i try to do more thinks with her to make up for it. good luck.

Answer 8

He prob thinks you do unlike him. men are fairly shy and irritating and self councience. seek advice from him for as quickly as supply the dude a wreck hes prob scared to talk to u because of the fact he likes u alot an doesnt recognize what to assert.

Answer 9

you need to protect the mental health of your daughter. she's clearly stressed by seeing him. put yourself in her shoes. spk once more to the father and tell him you will stop contact. if nothing changes then do just that, dont let him damage her.

Answer 10

take him to courst tp spell out access arrangements. use the opportunity to spell out to the court why you need access arrangements formalised for your daughters sake.