My boyfriend and I having been dating for 9 months and since he met me he told me he wanted to marry me? He always told me, "When you know, you know." We went ring shopping and everything. About 1 month ago he told me, that he doesn't think he is ready. He said he is afraid to make that commitment. We have been living together for 8 months and are practically married. How could he be afraid of marriage now after being so ready for so long? I'm a soul believer in , if you love someone, you want nothing more than to spend your life with them. He tells me that its not me and that there is a possibility of marriage but he just isn't ready to talk about the future? What should i do? He keeps telling me to be patient, but how do i do that? I'm ready now and i love him so much i'm just ready to make that life long commitment? I think i am making a mistake?? Please help???
2007-03-25 04:11:24 · 14 answers · asked by Melody 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is why I don't intend on living together before marriage. Not only is the divorce rate much higher, but often times marriage is delayed or it never happens. Some guys apply the saying, "Why buy the milk when you can have the cow for free?"
2007-03-26 02:46:05 · answer #1 · answered by goldengirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you from my experience that he is commitment phobic and it will take quite a bit to get him to the alter. I dated a man for two years and he finally asked me to marry him, but as time came for arrangments and decisions he began to back away. Not ready was the answer constantly. He broke up with me once and a few months later was back again. He did it a second time and I dropped him. He has the issues, not you and there is nothing you can do to get him there no matter how you feel.
Solution: You have two options, stay where you are and deal with it or tell him you need some space from him for a while. Back off and keep yourself busy in your life. Make yourself happy on your own. If he wants to be with you then he will find a way to make you happy with him. If he doesn't then he wasn't really interested in a commitment.
You have to always be sure that you are happy and receiving the best love there is in the world. Don't settle for less then the best.
2007-03-25 04:19:23 · answer #2 · answered by JOANNE C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what he's saying. Marriage is a huge commitment, and one requires both people to be mature enough to see it through. Marriage may sound like a great romantic thing, and it can be, but it's also very hard. Forever is a long time. You say you are ready now. Well, what does it hurt to continue with your relationship a while longer to make sure that he is ready and that you really are? Long engagements are a good way to find out how things will go after the glow of young love fades.
2007-03-25 04:18:12 · answer #3 · answered by Mark G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
been there done that...since you are practically married and he is getting everything he wants, he isnt interested in marrying you anymore..dump him immediately and tell him you feel cheated ( cause he tricked you into living a marriage life without the legal obligations)..dont be patient, waiting and continuing the way you do will only give him what he wants more, if he is not ready now, he will never be so..find someone better and marry..I spent my best 7 years on and off a relationship exactly like yours..all the family members met each other..he bought the rings and everything..etc..we were engaged..when we broke up, he was telling me to wait 1 more year..dont be patient like me..looking back I regret having spent so much time with one guy..dump him..it hurts a couple of months but nothing is more important than you, your desires, your mental&pshychological health and your time
2007-03-25 04:23:37 · answer #4 · answered by cameronuz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he is bored in the relationship and has come to the realization that this is the best the relationship will get and how marriage would be if he follows through with that step and is having second thoughts because he is not ready for the level of commitment you want.....
2007-03-25 06:02:43 · answer #5 · answered by MidnightSkies 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe hes not ready . I don't think 9 months is long enough to justify getting married. Thats just my opinion. Maybe he thought he was ready,but maybe he changed his mind. I wouldn't rush him things could turn out bad. Maybe he needs some space. I would not ask about it and maybe in a few months he will be serious about it. If your together thats all that matters.
2007-03-25 04:19:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
living together for eight months, together nine months...and marriage already? I don't blame him for wanting to slow things down a bit. Marriage is a life long commitment that should be thought of seriously, and it is good that he is doing that. Don't lose today in wishing for tomorrow. Enjoy today with him and loving him....it won't be going anywhere if it is true.
2007-03-25 16:15:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe just by living together, he sees things differently than before, or he isnt really ready for marriage yet.i am sorry you gave so much effort into this relationship, but now your eyes are wide open , to see that he is NOT gonaa get married anytime soon.
2007-03-25 04:18:16 · answer #8 · answered by wongfiehung2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he may have another woman in mind now..
Do not invest more than 2 - 3 yrs. in a relationship without marriage....Do not have kids out of wedlock...
Get a good Pre-Nup...
Start thinking about what you will do when he breaks up with you
2007-03-25 04:16:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a classic case of why buy the cow when the milk is free. I'd start making plans to move out.
2007-03-25 04:16:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋