I have been married (love marriage) for 7 years and have a four-year-old kid. my husband's job demand long hours and he even works on Sundays. Not that he is getting any extra benefit out of it, it'sjust that he is workalcohic. But, i am not able to cope up with his negligence towards me and kid. He has some responsibilty towards us also. He says he is doing it for us but if this continues, I dont think we would have a normal relationship. As it is,it has become strained and I have become emotionally weak. I am also working but I have normal working hours. Weekends become intolerant and I cry most of the time. What should I do?
2007-03-25 03:50:52 · 19 answers · asked by mommy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband says "Stop spending all of his money" lol
I say, men see their work as taking care of their families, not a bad thing if you ask me. If you don't like the lifestyle that you're living, change it! If you have a giant house payment, get a smaller house. If you're drowning in debt. Pay it off. What are his goals? What are your financial goals together? Maybe he's working to pay for a lifestyle that he "assumes" you want. Get on the same page, find out what you both want and then take the steps to LIVE that life!
I always say, I wouldn't mind living in a shack, as long as I'm happy....
2007-03-25 04:17:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This situation is tough. Are you guys very materialistic? Like, do you have to get your nails done once a week and does he have to drive the newest SUV? If so, then you have to accept his workaholic ways. If not, then why is he working so much? Are you in debt? Confront him. If you don't care about materialistic things and would rather have a close-knit family than tell him. Tell him that you can learn to live with less money. See if he'll find a job with less hours if he can't work it out with his boss. Why does he have to work so many hours if you are working as well? My guess is that you two are trying to live out of your means like most Americans. I read the average American is $5000 in debt. Learn to appreciate the little things like your kid playing at the park and spending the day hiking with your hubby, these are FREE. And move into a more affordable place if that's the issue. You also need to see a psychiatrist who can help you resolve these problems, maybe you need a medication for depression if you are crying all the time. Suggest marriage counseling. If he isn't willing to work on your marriage and not willing to atleast give you a day a week of undivided attention on you and your child, leave him. Do it now before your kid gets older and it is harder.
2007-03-25 11:03:56 · answer #2 · answered by SHELTIELUVER 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he means more to you than any financial gains he may get in the long run. Tell him in advance that you are making plans for a family outing and that he needs to be there, then find something for the entire family to do together. Plan this at least a month ahead and remind him of the date at least once a week and how much you and the kids are looking forward to simply spending time with him. He has obviously fallen into the working rut, and understand this is a hard thing to get out of. By giving him the advance notice, it gives him a chance to plan for taking the day off. Be understanding, but be firm, that this is a must do thing for him and that he is expected to spend this time with you with no interruptions from work.
2007-03-25 11:01:02 · answer #3 · answered by sassyliz32 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men think that supporting their family finacially is taking care of their family.
I would try telling him how you feel, tell him that you dont care if he makes as much money as he does, you rather him make enough for you guys to just get by and have a husband and a father for your child around.
Tell him that no ammount of money is worth missing his son grow up, and he either needs to releaize that or he is going to regret it in the future.
You should be supportive towards him, but you also need to get your concerns across. If you are unhappy he needs to know. Hiding your feelings from him wont benefit your relationship. Maybe he will put more effort into the relationship. Maybe he wont.
Best thing to do, is just start planning family events, or family days. Thrusday night is family night at my place, we all eat dinner together, no friends are allowed over, no one is allowed to go out. And then we watch a movie the whole family can enjoy together. And that is something I had to set myself.
2007-03-25 10:57:59 · answer #4 · answered by Zenthae 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked about this to him yet? Communication is vital at this point. I had a boyfriend once who got very career oriented as well. It destroyed us. It seemed like his priorities were way outta wack. I spent alot of time crying too. Being alone. Wondering if he even loved me anymore. I tried everything, but he chose his job over me. So I left him. If your husband chooses to spend time at work, rather than with you and your kid, it may be that he is having problems at home and will do anything to get away. Or it means he gets fulfillment out of working long hours and pride from his work; rewards he can't get from being at home. Maybe you guys should try a vacation? But I guarantee you, if nothing changes and he continues working this schedule and neglecting his family, you will slip farther and farther from him. If anything, HE should be the one worried about losing YOU! Ask him if it's worth it. If you tell him changes need to be made or else.... then maybe he'll consider remanaging his priorities.
2007-03-25 11:00:28 · answer #5 · answered by aslgirl143 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My partner works 6 days a week (only wednesday off). He leaves the house at 07.30am and gets home around 19.30pm. Four days a week I work 18.00pm - 22.00pm. We have 4 kids and we barely see each other but at the end of the day if you want the best things then you have to work for them.
Give the guy a break and try and make the time you do have together, special.
2007-03-25 10:58:23 · answer #6 · answered by sarah k 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do something fast. I was in a similar situation with my wife and now we are in the process of divorce. My wife was very career-minded and worked all the time, even weekends. I stayed home and rasied our son for 5 years. By the time my wife reached her career goals it was too late and there was just nothing left in our relationship. We let it go on for far too long and eventually just grew apart. Now I have to fight for my son because she wants to keep him with her when I'm the one that was there for him while she traveled all the time. Because I am a man I am at a disadvantage. Good luck, I hope you can work things out.
2007-03-25 12:02:15 · answer #7 · answered by DaVinci 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the way I would handle this is to make him WANT to be home rather than at work. Work on doing some things to entice him...like dressing the way he likes, teasing him a bit, etc. You might try reading "Fascinating Womanhood" or "The Surrendered Wife". Though I don't agree with everything in them, those two books have helped alot of women get their husband's attention. Whatever you do, don't be negative. Tell him you appreciate what a good provider he is for your family. Tell him you miss him, but don't cast blame on him or make him feel you are complaining. That will just push him further away. You have the power to compete with his work. Make the most of it.
2007-03-25 11:05:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you financially strained? If so, then he is stepping up to the plate to support the family. If your family is financially o.k, but he continues to work excessive hours, maybe there is a reason. Maybe things aren't going great at home, and he wants away. Talk to him about it.
2007-03-25 13:06:35 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me don't think your husband is the problem,
Me thinks the way you treat him is.
If you are NOT nice to a GOOD MAN he will WORK his *** off trying to get you to be NICE to HIM.
He works all the time and YOU are complianing and NOT supporting him.
Me bet that is you start being nice and show a little appreciation you'll find him at home a lot more.
Please list the last TEN things you did to be nice to him.
2007-03-25 10:58:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋