My wife and I were married only 8 months ago. We both work alot for long hours. She has always had issue with me not being affectionate enough in our marriage. Weeks ago, she found that I had occasionally looked at adult websites on the internet and we had a big fight about it. We patched things up and I promised not to do it anymore; I kept that promise. She was still apparently paranoid about the whole thing and dug deep into the history of my computer. She found that I had looked at adult sites before we were engaged and flipped out about it. I told her that was in the past and that I would keep my promise not to do it anymore. It didn't matter and she showed up with her parents to throw me out of the house (it was in her name, so there was little I could do). She told me she was filing for a divorce. I have pleaded with her to work these things out, but she doesn't want to hear it. I want this marriage to work, I love her, and I would do what it takes. What do I do?
2007-03-25 03:13:58 · 8 answers · asked by T S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband and i have been together for 7 years and a few years ago i discovered he had been looking at those same websites and i was very upset, I told my husband how it made me feel and that i didnt' want him looking anymore. He agreed and said he would stop several months later he was caught again ( i don't browse through history to check up on him i walked into the room and caught him looking). just like you we have very busy schedules and don't get to see one another that much I think what upset me that most was not the fact that he was looking at other people having sex but that fact that he was doing that rather than spending time with me. The first time i caught him i was upset and hurt but the second time after he promised he wouldn't do that any more not only was i upset and hurt but i was very angry at him for breaking a promise to me. like i said before my husband and i have been together for 7 years and this was something taking place that i knew nothing about and i thought we knew everything about each other so for me it was shocking to find this out about my huband and it brought about trust issues and made me think i was inadequate in some way (is he bored with me? is the sex no good?...) and maybe that is how your wife feels. But i don't think that this is a reason for divorce marriage is serious business and you should be able to talk and work things out your wife needs to understand that you will have disagreements and there will be other things that you will do that she doesn't like but you are going to have to work through them together and she doesn't need to get her parents invovled every time you to fight b/c this will just bring up problems later with her family. My husband and i talked and he actually came up with a solution which was not to get on the internet any more ( i thought a bit extreme but he knew he had broken a promise and wanted to make sure i wouldn't have any doubt that he didn't mean to keep it this time around so he said he wouldn't get on the internet anymore b/c me trusting him was important and that looking at those websites wasn't). and yes he is back on the computer now and i trust him b/c he knows how i feel.
You and your wife need to talk and come up with a solution you can both agree on. I don't think divorce is a good idea you two haven't even been married a year and are still learning about each other. Marriage is not easy and there are more serious things to worry about in a marriage than this.
2007-03-25 04:43:44 · answer #1 · answered by daniell1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is overreacting a bit. You looked on ONE adult site. Big deal. Maybe you can tell her how you feel about this situation. First, tell her you're sincerely and truly sorry. Then, tell her you love her, and you would never think of cheating on her or anything like that. Next, call her parents and say that you're staying. Try to stay calm. Fifth, tell your wife that if she gives you a chance, you will stop going onto those kinds of sites. Plus, if she gets mad, tell her that you looked on those sites before you were married. You weren't married yet, and you were just dating or something, so it doesn't really matter what happened then. Everyone makes mistakes. When you do make one it means that you're just human. She also made mistakes. If she can't understand what you're trying to tell her, then maybe one of your other mistakes was marrying her. Maybe you're better off with a divorce, then.
2007-03-25 04:13:04 · answer #2 · answered by Melinda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you wife is a big drama queen and needs to stop acting like a spoiled child and mature once and for all! Marriage is a serious thing and she cannot offer the divorce for a simple matter like just "looking" porn sites (gosh, isnt that you slept with a prostitute or worst!).
I would say to talk to a marriage counsel and then go from there.
2007-03-25 03:57:42 · answer #3 · answered by dragonfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to sound mean but she sounds like a controling biatch!
almost everyone looks at porn no and again. and since you have promised to stop she should be thankful. I think she is hiding something or someone and wants out of the marriage!
what to do... i would let her go and try and find someone less controling, i know you lover her but if she is this way about one smaller thing then i can only imagine what she would be like about something big.
2007-03-25 03:47:33 · answer #4 · answered by I♥Karma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not change her mind.If she wants to get a divorce over a site,then maybe she just wants out of the marriage and any reason is good enough.Sometimes life does not give you what you want.
2007-03-25 07:24:18 · answer #5 · answered by junior1108 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife sound's very insecure and she is looking for a reason to get out of the marriage.Consider yourself lucky and get out of the marriage.you cannot force someone to want to be with you or love you.Your wife clearly does not want to be with you so let her go and move on you will save yourself a lot of hurt if you get out of the marriage now..Best Wishes..
2007-03-25 04:28:48 · answer #6 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is more to it than that, trust me, maybe she wasn't ready to be married, who knows, but the fact of the matter is that she is just looking for an excuse to get out and used this lame one cause maybe it was all she could come up with
let her be, you don't need all that drama
2007-03-25 07:04:46 · answer #7 · answered by countrygrl278 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is looking for a reason to leave
2007-03-25 04:21:26 · answer #8 · answered by Rox 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋