If my chemotherapy doesn't work I'll live a couple of years. I need to help my wife get better situated for life without me. She's 51, legally blind (can see enough to not walk into big things, does okay in a familiar place like home), has no employment history, has a BS in Communications from a long time ago, lives in Virginia. If the medical bills don't strip our savings, she'll have too much to be considered poor, but not enough to live on until she dies. I don't know where to turn. Any helpful hints? Please, the more specific the better.
2007-03-25 03:04:12 · 6 answers · asked by zxdfmlp 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i agree with jj. you should look into seeing if that is an option that will yield a benefit for you both. you may want to also consult a financial expert that may be able to help you in creating a budget to live on which should help you out.
regarding your wife, there are people with greater disabilities who are able to have a career. not to minimize hers in anyway. having no work experience can be a set back, but it's not written in stone. all she needs to do is either go to a community college or any credited technical business to take computer classes. you don't have to have 20/20 vision to master things like typing. also, there are programs that can be added to a computer to accommodate her disability. such as enlarging the view on the screen to help her see. even if she doesn't have job experience, the fact that she has completed courses is a good.
have her go to a temp. agency or look on the net to apply for jobs such as working as a receptionist or a clerk for small companies. the work is repetitive, but it's the place to start to have something on her resume. 51 is the new 35 in my opinion. being your wives age is not a negative anymore.
i'm terrible sorry for what you are going through. i can't imagine what you are experiencing dealing with your illness and even more so, being uncertain of her future. i pray that you beat this.
these may not be options that you will follow, but i hope that they help you come up with other options.
take care.
2007-03-25 03:30:20 · answer #1 · answered by la21unica 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first, i would suggest going the clinical trials route for your treatment. its free, and actually quite cutting edge. they have a better success rate than traditional cancer treatments. you wouldnt be depleting your savings, and she would have more left. also, while its very admirable that you want things in order, be careful to not develop a mindset that you are definately going to die. there have been numerous studies on the psyche and cancer patients. people who get diagnosed and accept their almost certain fate, will die very quickly. some choose to deny death, and it seems to ward it off. my mother in law was diagnosed 3 years ago with lung canceer, and given 6 months tops to live. we were told to get it all in order and be prepared. she refused the chemo, refused to die mentally, and is still alive and well for the most part. she is fully functional, no machines or anything. cancer treatment centers of america has an incredible success rate. so, basically...docs are not gods. they are supposed to tell you possible outcomes. while i dont know your diagnosis, you also dont know their accuracy. if you didnt want to do the clinical trials thing, you could start to hide money. hide it to the point that you can get assistance with your medical expenses. you could get a legal divorce so she would have half or more of the assets in her sole name. you wouldnt have to keep separate residence. i know its not kosher for me to suggest this, but survival overrides right and wrong sometimes. another option would be to put her in a retirement home now. they will seize all your assets to pay for it, but she would be taken care of, and you could get medical assistance. do you have any children? you didnt specify. or brothers or sisters? its times like these where family should come in to aid. another suggestion: i dont know if its even a thing or not, but i was personally thinking about this the other day. i have two boys, 7 and 11, a very large house and an extra room. my husband travels for work, and is home about 7 nights a month (if im lucky). i get lonely for adult interaction, and my boys need more influence than just me. i have often looked at that extra bedroom and wondered if there were someone out there who wouldnt want it. i work at home, but would like to get away sometimes. ive wondered if there is such a thing as grandmother adoption. if there isnt, there should be. it would be nice to have someone elses infuence on my boys, someone to cook with, even someone to sit at the kitchen table while im cooking. anyway, maybe there is such a thing, or you could run an ad to ask for families who might need a live in grandma. todays families get so spread out that its hard for some kids to see a grandparent at all. i bet theres someone in your area who would welcome the idea. also, does she get social security disability due to her blindness? if not, now is the time to apply for it, it will take a while, and she will need your help for the process. if you were to die (IF), her benefit may increase as well. just some ideas. bless you both and good luck. remember to be stubborn...you dont want to leave this life, and it cant take you. thats the mindset to keep. you can email me if you just need to talk.
2007-03-25 10:34:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can she collect public aid or unemployment/disability due to her legal blindness? I would talk to a social worker--they may have more ideas on programs for her to take advantage of and possibly some for you too. Also, many of us donate to National Cancer Society organizations. You can find one and see if they will donate some their money to your cause. Do a fund raiser through your community or church or schools, etc. You might be pleasantly surprised at how compassionate people can be.
2007-03-25 10:17:24 · answer #3 · answered by nancydeanna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you go to church...they should take care of her.
We have widows in our church...and I have personally gone and stayed 6 nights in a roll with her....and our church took
care of her.....your church should if you have a pastor talk with him. I am so sorry for the pain in your life honey....I believe the Lord will help a man who is trying to care for his wife.
God Bless you.
2007-03-25 10:14:00 · answer #4 · answered by Bobbie4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please see the website below for some answers. Even if you get better and I pray you do, still investigate the below website. She does need an employer.
2007-03-25 10:25:13 · answer #5 · answered by Credit Expert 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take out a nice life insurance policy , thats all i can think of ,
2007-03-25 10:09:37 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋