Its an incident hidden away in my memory, but as my marriage date approaches I get anxious if I am being a cheat in letting my husband know that I had been victim of an sexual abuse ?
2007-03-25 02:17:17 · 30 answers · asked by Sheeja b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let the sleeping dogs lie
2007-03-25 02:34:49 · answer #1 · answered by gentle_libran 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, this is something that you should disclose. Infact, the mate has a right to know this. Should a person not be told of something that has such an impact upon the one the love?
Your sex life is very likely to be affected in one way or another by this abuse. So your mind set, your view, your thoughts in regards to sex will come into play and also affect your mate. You see, your are proving this right now, for you are asking this question. You question many things I would quess.
I have found that sexual assault or abuse can dramatically affect a person in ways that most dont even contemplate. This is understandable I must add. But the victim isnt the only one who often must deal with the fall out.
Get a great deal of counseling. Think of how you have changed as a person. Compare the before and after you to see how your views, attitudes, etc., have changed.
Good Luck. I hope that you can and will make your life happy and fulfilling.
2007-03-25 03:00:39 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard thing to do but it is necessary to tell him. Let me tell you a story. I too was a victim of years of sexual abuse from an uncle and told no one because I was so young when it started I didn't even know it was wrong. Fast forward years later when I fall in love with my best friend who already knew everything about me. Even though he has always been patient with me and loving he has never given me reason to doubt his love for me or his faithfulness and yet I have a difficult time trusting him. I fear he will leave me and I am very insecure in most of my life areas. I am over protective of my daughter and he helps counteract that a little bit. My point is these things will come up for you at some point in your marriage and your husband will be better able to handle them if he knows where these feelings and reactions are coming from. This event as horrible as it was is something that makes you who you are. It defines your thoughts feelings and philosophy on life and sometimes even family. The person that plans to spend the rest of their life with you has a right to know you not just what you want people to see on the outside.
2007-03-25 03:26:31 · answer #3 · answered by Trisha 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
blatantly!! Even though it's not something you have done wrong, it's a part of you... If you hide anything from a loved one that means there's still something they don't know about you which means they can't really fully love you cos they don't know everything about you. After you tell him you will feel like the biggest weight has been lifted off your shoulder and the fact that he'll say understanding things and he wont think any less of you will be so amazing. Just the fact that you're wondering if you should tell him leaves no doubt whatsoever that you should tell him. You have not cheated by not telling him so don't worry about him being angry... he'll probably get quite upset for you. I guarentee you that as soon as you tell him you'll wonder what all the worrying was about, and a little after that you'll imagine how crap it would've been still thinking about telling him and him not knowing...take the leap, you have nothing to be scared of.
2007-03-25 02:32:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
With marriage comes trust. If you feel you can't trust your partner you shouldn't get married. But anyone who has been sexually abused can have episodes of post traumatic stress disorder. So I would say yes he should know. It doesn't have to be now but later. And sexual abuse is not your fault. And this doesn't make you a cheat.
2007-03-25 02:27:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely! I know it's very hard. I was raped when I was 17 and 11 years later, it still affects me. Since I've known my husband since childhood, he was my friend when it happened. We became romantically involved years later. As your marriage partner, and presumably best friend, you should be able to talk to him about this. If you're not ready, you shouldn't force yourself though. The mind represses memories that you aren't quite ready to deal with. If you feel you are ready, you should tell him. I'm sure he'll be supportive of you.
2007-03-25 13:59:18 · answer #6 · answered by Kathryn M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is serious. it must be hard to keep a secret such as this. I'm sorry... how long ago did it happen? you should seek some professional help because this could be very damaging and to suppress a memory like this is not healthy.
if you feel that your husband should know and you want to tell him then you should.
if you feel that this is going to affect your sexual life with him... it would be a good idea to let him know why.
just because something like this happened.. you should not feel any less of yourself and I'm sure your husband will not look at you any different.
2007-03-25 02:22:59 · answer #7 · answered by melissa c 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just to note firstly i am not married myself. im very sorry about what you went through. your position must be hard, and almost claustrophobic, knowing theres this big elephant in the room that you only know about.
from my point of view your husband besides being your lover should also be your best friend.although you may have not even told your best friend about it, the diffrence with your husband is that youre more intimate with him.
being completly open with him about it, should mean youll be more free with him,as he will know what youve been through in the past.it should also deepen your relationship, and hell also be thankful that you told him something thats been so hidden in you.his respect for you will also deepen.
hope that may help a bit.
2007-03-25 02:30:30 · answer #8 · answered by rebecca k 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes i feel you should tell them as this is the right and honest thing to do. Do not live a lie and hide this from him. He deserves to know the truth before you marry him . This way he will understand what you have been through in your past and he will be able to understand you better as a person.
2007-03-25 02:23:11 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If I am correct in assuming this was a major event in your life, don't you think that you should share that? That's an awfully big secret to hide and, in the end, why would it bother him? It shouldn't. It's part of your past, part of what made you the person whom they love. . . so, really, while it may not be the easiest thing to deal with, this should not be a show stopper of an issue.
2007-03-25 02:22:08 · answer #10 · answered by DJL2 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are NOT being a cheat if you keep information like that to yourself ! Don't even think that !
It might help you though if you shared something so heavy with a person that you are about to marry, whom you love and they love you back. It might explain things to them when you say or do something that sometimes they might wonder "where did that come from?"
2007-03-25 02:20:51 · answer #11 · answered by tamara_cyan 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋