How to write an apology/explanation letter to a friend, without sounding silly or provoking further agument?

Question

A problem happened in 2005 when I hired a car with a friend + his girlfriend (both travelled from abroad) to go to a gig out of town. I offered to drive back so they could drink. We got lost on the way back because the route I printed from the route-planner website was inaccurate, a fault on the site. Also my driving was dangerous from tiredness late at night. We finally reached home after driving all night and his girlfriend was FURIOUS. When they returned to their country, my friend continued communicating with me like normal.

However, they both re-visited my country the following year, we met at a local gig, and the friend's girlfriend brought the previous-year subject up and snapped at me. I walked away without clearing the matter because I was suffering the death of my child, so it wasn't the right time. They have both gone back, but now my friend isn't talking to me.

I want to write him a letter to explain the chaotic driving trip, which I thought he already understood.

I don't know why he's not comminicating with me, what particular reason is bothering him. And he could be telling other people in our international circle of friends wrong things about me.

I don't know why he's not comminicating with me, what particular reason is bothering him. And he could be telling other people in our international circle of friends wrong things about me.

Also, I don't think my letter should be long and rambling, or he may not have time to read it all.

Answer 1

Just pour your heart out and hope his is willing to listen...
Explain that yes this was partially your fault but ask why is this such a big deal and explain freindship is #1 to you and you'd hope that him and his friends can forgive you for your care-less-ness.....Send a Card to the Couple Explaining you want no hard feelings and that you are asking to be forgived and in the future you hope they will come back to see you.

Answer 2

Just write it simply, humbly, & from the heart. I have found that this is the best way.

You do not need to go into detail because they were there. Be sincere, they will feel it from your words.

Tell them how very sorry you are for your mistake. DO NOT GO INTO DETAILS.. Say you are very sorry & and are remorseful...that you wish you could do it over again the right way. Tell them you miss them very much. & ask them to accept your apology. Tell them about the loss of your child & how it has made it even more important to communicate clearly with those that you care about. Then ask them to please get in touch with you.

Keep in short, simple, humble...then just wait.

If they are the good friends that you think they are, you will hear from them. If you do not hear right away, just leave it be. There may be some reason that they can not contact you but I have a feeling that you will hear from them.

This is all a huge misunderstanding & lack of communication. It will be straightened out but I think the fewer words used the better. Just get out what you want to say. Then don't talk about it again unless in jest.

It took me 30+ years to make my apology. It was positively received but I wish I had not waited so long.

Good luck & best wishes.

Answer 3

This is a sad story and I will try to give you some ideas.

Your letter could commence 'My very Dear Friend, I have been concerned for a long time about the trip we had some time ago, you remember, the one when we were lost due in no small part to the mapping I got from the computer.

I know XXX was very upset and I really am sorry. When we met recently, I was fairly certain you had 'forgiven' me but, due to my circumstances at this time, the subject was far from my mind. However, XXX seems still very cross and I wonder if we should try to come to terms with the issue, rather than spoil a very long and lasting Friendship with you both.
I did consider writing to XXX but thought a personal approach more acceptable. The fact that we are now in different Countries makes this rather difficult and, as we have been close friends, my only recourse to the renewal is via us understanding my situation at the time we last met. (here you might wish to state the reason)
I look forward to hearing from you YYY and that our friendship is still as firm as it ever was.

Yours very truly,

Answer 4

The best way to get back your ex is https://tr.im/eFVPG

Here's the hard part: Pretend she never existed, like it was all a dream, don't call her, that will make you the smaller person, be the bigger person since you deserve better, what she did to you on Valentines Day was immature, especially after dating for four years. This person wasted allot of your time and through it out the window. Go out tonight, even it it is only yourself, don't drink and call or feel sorry for yourself, this will only cause you embarrassment! I know your hurting..This will eventually will go away in time. Today is not a good day for you and your emotions are spinning all over the place.

Please, whatever you do, don't answer her calls and don't call her. If she keeps calling, which she pro bally won't, don't return her call for 5 days. Make her sweat and DO Not get back together right away if you discuss this in 5 days. Tell her since she Broke up with you, you have done allot of thinking, and had the taste of "being single again" and you would like more time being "friends" for now, so you are sure you are making the right decision. Remember "She decided she didn't want to be with you" so the door is open for you to get out and see what you have been missing for four years. You honestly need to do this for yourself.

She doesn't know, but what she did was give you the best valentines day present you will ever get! A new start and a new beginning, use it to your advantage. You will look back on this and Thank God this happened now instead of 4 more wasted years of YOUR life. Today does suck, stay Strong and I promise you your life is going to be so much more exciting and you are going to be happy. If you continue to call and call her, she will think of you as needy and won't want you. She is going to rethink what she did to you today and will be hurt, if you act like you could care less. Girls always want the ones they can't have. That is who you are now to her. Let her suffer,realizing what a mistake she made. This will drive her crazy. Right now she is on cloud 9 thinking you will take her back, OH, is she stupid!

Your life isn't ruined, hers is..She lost someone special, and gave you a gift to let to live life and find someone you deserve. You are not getting back at her, your teaching her what an idiot she is and what she lost and what you gained without her. SO when You eventually talk to her, tell her thank you for what she did...
She will be hurt and you will be happy!

Answer 5

Write a short note saying you are sorry that there seems to be bad feelings. Say that you think there have been misunderstandings on both sides and apologise for anything you may have done or said to make matters worse. (Don't be specific) Explain that you value his friendship and hope that you can all move on and start afresh. You can say you were understandably in a 'bad place' last year because you were grieving so that may have affected how you handled the situation ( but don't apologise for that)

To be honest if they are still griping about something that by all accounts couldn't be helped 2 years ago then it is them that should be apologising to you.

keep it short and to the point , show him that you want to move on .... then leave it up to him.

Answer 6

Dear friend,

Sorry for the late reply. I am aware of the matter that u r upset from me of not clearing and providing a senseable response to my act.

As u must understand that due to the death of my child i was mentaliy not fit to provide a reasonable explatation to u and ur girlfriends inquiry.

i would apppriate that u and ur girlifriend will give me another chance to clear my name, and to bury the hatchet. I have no entanction of putting u in trouble. But u must understand that v all r human being and it is our nature to make mistakes, and to amend them.

Please reply to me anlong with ur girlfriend and ask u questions so i can clear all the doubts in uor minds, i would be very grateful if u will remain good frineds

"Take the matter all add what u like."

Answer 7

If your story is truthful and accurate then you shouldn't need to explain. A real friend wouldn't need that.

Does he know about the loss of your child? If so, he's emasculated by his GF.

Consider this;
1. you offered to help them as a consideration and courtesy.
2. the map was wrong - it was NOT your fault.
3. You drove all night to get them back, if they were concerned, common sense should have told them to suggest that you take a break.

And now the b!tch is all up yer @rse about something that happened well more than a year ago? And your "friend" has shut down communications?

I think you lucked out to lose such shallow people from your life. Why would you want to kowtow to them?

Reclaim your diginity and forget them. They should be seeking YOUR forgiveness, NOT the other way around.

Answer 8

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/GDCSv

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

Answer 9

you shouldn't have to explain anything!! if this guy was your friend and i mean a true friend than he would have understood that your head was up your ***! losing a child is the hardest thing for any parent to have to understand. my heart goes out to you! if he's not communicating with you its because he knows he's in the wrong. just try and get on with your life now. good luck!

Answer 10

oh blimey from misunderstandings mighty chasms appear its been 2 years and you must miss his friendship terribly
i wonder if he knew about your childs death and if he did he proberbly just didnt know what to say to you
when my baby died friends would walk on the opposite side of the road because they just didnt know how to handle the situation
go on write to him and just dont mention the original misunderstanding unless he does
good luck hope that you do get reunited