I am getting married in August and my future farther in law is really peeing me off.
He has never been involved in raising my future wife, he paid a tiny maintenance and never contributed toward any of her university fees. Really the girl had nothing from him ever, even tho he has 3 step sons that he lives with and has brought up as his own.
When we told him we were to be married he was (uncharacteristically) happy and offered to pay.
We said that he did not need to pay for the entire event, but it would be helpfully if he made a contribution to cover his familys attendance and maybe some money towards our honeymoon.
He was really pleased to do this until - Penny drops - he found out that he was not giving away the bride or giving a speach!
Now he doesnt even want to attend the event and gives any excuse not to go; like; dogs might need walking; dont like leaving town; new wife doesnt want to go; etc.
should I have him shot? or send dog poo through his letter box
2007-03-24 23:29:15 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just tell him to stick his money and get on with things as you planned. Best wishes for your new life together.
2007-03-24 23:33:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't want to attend then tell him that the choice is his, after all he didn't bring his daughter up. At the end of the day the only person that he will be hurting is himself and if he doesn't go he will regret it. At least you did the right thing by telling him and inviting him to the wedding. If he wants to be horrible about things then that is his choice. Also I would tell him that as he now doesn't want to attend it doesn't feel right taking his money, and I'd give it back. However I know that this will be hard but do it all politely so that he can't say that you were horrible to him and you are the reason he didn't attend his daughters wedding
2007-03-25 02:13:59 · answer #2 · answered by Baps . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dog poo! lol! Really, he has been a terrible parent this whole time and then he expects to give your future wife away. Amazing!
Seriously, try and bite your tongue. There is nothing worse than family rifts to ruin the most special day of your life. Tell him you would like him to come and leave it at that. If he chooses not to, he will regret it for the rest of his life, and you can be safe in the knowledge that you tried your best with a very difficult man...
Try not to get bogged down with it and concentrate on your big day.
2007-03-27 01:43:06 · answer #3 · answered by emma l2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let your fiance handle her own father. No use for you to meddle in. With something as strong as breaking western tradition and refusing to have him give her away (which I do not look down upon that based on the few small details youve given about teh situation) I do not think its a big deal that now he won't come. I think that is only fair. It is a huge dis to not be able to do that for your daughter. When such an opportunity is taken away, its likely some feelings will be hurt. I think you have chosen. I wouldn't go if I were him. I wouldn't pay either. I think it would be right by you to refuse him to pay, not that he cannot participate. I think essentially when you made the choice to not have him in the party, you made the choice that he was not welcome. So, carry on, enjoy paying more, and have a splendid life togather with your new old lady.
2007-03-24 23:36:59 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Looks like he tried to buy his position as father of the bride. What a pain!
Can you pay for the wedding yourselves?
My sister got married three years ago; she had a so-called friend who decided she wanted to be her bridesmaid; this woman was coming from Scotland to Ireland; bringing her husband and three kids and borrowed a thousand quid from my sis to buy air tickets and accomodation. A week before the wedding, she rang my sis to say they had no accomodation booked, could the whole family stay with her??
My sis asked her what had happened to the money she's loaned her. She said " I had expenses you know"
At which point my sis decided to cut her losses and say, "tell you what. I'm up to my neck in debt as it is; I live in a two bed house, and honestly, it's more trouble than you're worth!"
She wrote off the thousand quid as a bad debt, a mistake, and got someone else to do bridesmaid, who was thrilled.
The moral of the story is..it's your wedding day. You don't want to feel under obligation to anyone, least of all a prat like this guy. Hammer it out with him. Say you are very grateful for the offer if it still stands, but it does not buy him any special favours on the day; he should be doing it because he wants to - not for the prestige of being father of the bride.
2007-03-24 23:46:07 · answer #5 · answered by marie m 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Can't you see what has happened? Your future father in law isn't being unreasonable, it is you that has missed the point.
He is a man who has missed out on his daughter, he has probably felt pangs of guilt every time his mind drifted to her. At first his reasons might have seemed reasonable, shortage of money or some other reason not mentioned here. Then later he had his current family to finance.
But all the time in his mind there was one missing piece that he didn't know what to do about, his daughter. How do you jump back into her life after five years, how much harder is it to find a way in after ten years, after twenty it is impossible, you want to turn up at the door and say sorry, but you can't, you are certain she will send you away, and that would hurt even more.
Then he got the invite to the wedding and he may well have seen this as the chance he has waited and yearned for, at last he can put away some of the guilt that has haunted him all his adult life, so he offers the money for the wedding, he didn't have to do that. He is looking forward to the one day of his life when he can be the father of his daughter..
But then the bombshell, he is not going to get that chance, someone else is getting it instead. He wouldn't be able to sit there as 'just another guest', sitting in a back pew, sitting in a dark corner at the reception, watching his last chance to be her dad, even if only for a day, slip away.
I can fully understand him not being able to go to your wedding. What you should do about this. Well, you don't have to change your wedding plans, but what you do must happen before the wedding, it will not work afterwards, He Needs to be her dad for a day. How that happens in practicle terms I can't say because I don't know any of you, but it can't be left undone because they will never be another time when it can be done.
2007-03-24 23:52:46 · answer #6 · answered by Bob M 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
He's hurt, but too bad. Where was he when she needed him through growing up? He can't just expect to walk on scene, and act like dear old daddy after years of neglect. He has made his own bed. He is now reaping what he has sown.
I would tell him I'm sorry you can't attend, but I guess you have more important things to do. And don't count on him for a cent-you know he is going to back out on that offer. I wouldn't even mind telling him the real reason he is not giving her away, and allow him to rectify that with his own conscience.
2007-03-25 01:02:44 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dog poo i think....lol.
If he is any kind of father he will attend the wedding whether he is giving your wife away or not!!!
If he still decides not to come then i'm sure u will cope just as well without him,just hope your wife is not too upset about not having him there,at least u tried.
Bet you wished you had got the money first,before telling him..lol
Start giving the dog plenty of baked beans so his poo is extra runny and smelly!!!!
Good luck!!
2007-03-25 08:42:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If only it was as easy to have him shot, i'd go for that option but in reality don't do what he is doing ( being a selfish arrogant B***ard and not thinking of her feelings) ask her if she really wants or needs him there if no problem solved , if yes talk to him man 2 man and see if you can sort out the problem with him explaining that it is her day and not his and to forget personal feelings just for the day. if he's not giving her away why not allow him to have a speech anyway, who will it hurt? after all he was will to help out a little financially.If that doesn't work have the B***ard Shot.
Good luck m8 and have a great day
2007-03-24 23:44:58 · answer #9 · answered by Iain K 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is upset about not having a more prominent role at the wedding. I would think he assumed he was giving his daughter away at the wedding and is angry and hurt that he is not.
I take it he has said he wont pay now as well???
He has made flimsy excuses because he can't handle the thought of someone else giving her away at wedding and doing speech.
I think, despite him not bringing up his daughter, that there should be a discussion with him to explain situation.
2007-03-25 02:28:08 · answer #10 · answered by laplandfan 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is his loss. Go ahead with your plans. You might have to cut back on the guest list to compensate for his promise of financial help. It is too bad that he is a real jerk. Stick to your guns. After all, like you said, he has not helped in all these years, what made you think he would start now. Doing something stupid would make matters worse. Do the right thing, and maybe one day he will realise that he made a terrible mistake...
2007-03-24 23:36:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋