i've made the mistake of letting my ex (long distance, met in college) back into my life. things were good for a while, then the same crap is back again. he expects me to make all the effort to see him yet he doesn't feel like he should because of his "unemployment" situation. he says he's broke and focused on his job search, yet he goes to the casino and golfing with his buddies. i'm fed up with him. i feel sorry for him so i feel like i can't cut him off completely, yet i'm sick of being stepped all over. what should i do?
2007-03-24 21:40:39 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
.Dump him.
But that would be of course after you talk to him. Go and see him and talk to him. Tell him you don't want to be in the relationship when only one of you are trying to keep it. A relationship needs two people. If he uses his unemployment as and excuse ask him why that doesn't stop him seeing his buddies and wasting his money gambling. Ask him what he is afraid of. Oh, and make sure you say that because of his unemployment he should have more time for you because you are busy working.
Tell him that you aren't going to continue unless he makes some effort. make sure you be confident and lay down the rules.
If he keeps making excuses tell him you don't have time for this. Then write down your home adress and leave it on his table and leave, whilst saying I'll be here when you are ready to talk and sort this relationship out. Then make your dramatic exit.
2007-03-24 21:42:55 · answer #1 · answered by ahhhhhhhhh!u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he healthy? Is he physically capable? Then he should have his share of the responsibilities. Of course you know this. Be assertive, it seems like you read too deeply into peoples reactions. For once, ignore your preception of how bad he will feel if he acts this way. Just say, HEY, you seriously need to get off your **** if you are going to be my boyfriend. Then, when he asks what's wrong, tell him exactly what you expect. No matter what happens, AVOID GETTING EMOTIONAL, if you start crying, or yelling, he will assume that something else is troubling you, and that you need to let of some steam. You have to make it completely clear that the behavior is unaccepable. Casino and golf huh. Make him work at the casino, or the golf courses. If your FED UP, be serious about it, not a passive door mat. Good luck, I have a few slackers in my house hold I am going to give a stern talking to.
2007-03-25 04:49:30 · answer #2 · answered by Heero Yui 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I can see why you'd feel sorry for him. Here the poor guy is broke and without a job, and he needs to go spend his unemployment check at the casino or golfing because you stress him out by not coming to see him and make his world wonderful. Are you crazy, Girl??? This guy is a loser and a user, and neither of those is going to help in giving you a happy life. Instead of being stepped all over, step over him and never look back. You deserve better, and he needs to grow up.
2007-03-25 04:55:42 · answer #3 · answered by PJPeach 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to look at your life and ask yourself:
1) Is it worth investing more time and energy with this guy?
2) Does he make your life more positive?
3) Does having him in your life bring you closer to your goals?
It's normal to feel attached to someone you've spent a lot of time with, even if you hate that person. However, you have to make a decision and stick with it. From my experience, I would leave your boyfriend. It was a mistake to go back to him, so why spend more time towards that mistake, which in the end will just mean wasted time and energy?
It's ok to feel sorry for him, and still cut him off at the same time. Realise that you have YOUR life to live too. Also realise that there are plenty of people to feel sorry for. If you focussed on all those people, you will be miserable and have no life.
Anyways, that's my advice. From my experience most people do not learn until they go through all the crap, so I hope you'll take my advice and the similar ones on here. If not, they you'll just have to go through it to learn yourself. That's how us humans are :-).
2007-03-25 04:52:19 · answer #4 · answered by Skytide 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does a man with no job and no apparent respect for you bring to the relationship? Absolutely nothing. He's only gonna treat you the way you let him treat you. You deserve better and believe me --better is out there! You can feel sorry for him...i feel sorry for stray animals sometimes..and i might give them some food...but don't bring them home! You are not his mommy--you are his Woman and he should treat you like his Queen. Girl, tell that man that if he wants to be with you...he needs to act like a "man"--get a job and if he wants you--he needs to come and get you---until he can do that--i think you need to find some tough love and kick him to the curb! Good luck!
2007-03-25 04:51:32 · answer #5 · answered by pmbrundle74 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick his *** to the curb if he wanted a relationship he would make more of an effort to find a job so he could go and see you too. He seems like he is immature and will only bring you down leavee him before the situation gets more complicated.
2007-03-25 04:44:40 · answer #6 · answered by LiL_MaMa_1985 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bum before, Bum now. You know the saying.... The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different response.
2007-03-25 04:48:44 · answer #7 · answered by Willy Wonka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bena,
A relationship has to be a two way thing. If he doesn't care enough to make an effort, then you don't owe him anything. Don't put up with it. He'll be OK. If his ship comes in he'd probably drop you like a french frie with a bug on it.
2007-03-25 04:46:12 · answer #8 · answered by elden w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick him out. I have a bad situation too with my ex. Even though it is not easy someone has to step up to the plate. You will be glad you did in the long run. My best wishes are with you.
2007-03-25 04:45:04 · answer #9 · answered by Marie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're a rescuer. Just stop.
He'll drain you emotionally and financially and then leave you for some other woman that gives him money.
And a Gambler? ?!!?
cut him loose. Do not give him money to live on. Tell him to sell his golf clubs or borrow it from his friends. Be forceful, because anything you give him, you will not see back.
2007-03-25 04:45:57 · answer #10 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋