My husband and i have a distance?

Question

I have recently lost a baby and feel alone. But that isnt my question my husband does something to irritate me. he is a good man he works hard and provides but when it comes to affection he just isnt there. he is ten years older than me. and i sound like a jerk for saying this. not a jealous person. but he is nicer to other women. him and my mom are the same age by 5 years.i am not saying he likes my mom...but he is alot nicer. tonite when we visited he watched her sweep the whole time and when i mentioned it he said yes i watched but i was watching her. and when i told him i could feel a problem between you he said yes your right there is a problem i need to be more attracted to you then he said opps i mean attentive. and he said i didnt mean that wrong choice of words. how do i fix this problem without seeming like a jerk.

Please no rude comments i seem like a total jerk by even letting him know this bothers me. i feel like i am left out. i still feel fat and i feel like his daughter or friend instead of his wife

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you in the loss of your baby. To be concerned about the situation you described is wise. It does sound as though you would benefit from some good counsel. Is there a wise, loving older women in your life--perhaps the mother of a friend or an older friend from church/synagogue or work that you could talk to? If at all possible, it would be a great thing to get some marital counseling. If your husband will not go, go yourself. You have both been through a very tramatic event, yet it appears your husband is not tuned in to the enormity of it. This is the time the two of you should be pulling together to support one another in your loss. This would help you to process the grief that a woman feels at such a time as this. Please remember that you are not a "jerk" just because another person tells you you are one, or because they say things in response to your concern that "makes" you feel stupid, i.e. like a jerk. You may be a very bright person with great sensitivity and perception and someone make call you all kinds of names if they do not want to deal with themselves in areas where they are unkind or insensitive. The image they paint of you with their attitudes and words is more indicative of who they are than who you are. Do not take your self worth from this source. No one can make you feel like a jerk without your permission. Certainly we should be open to correction, but only when it comes from someone who has earned the right to give it and gives it respectfully. Other than that, the other person may be trying to make us feel "like a jerk" to deflect the truth of the words or concern we are expressing. May God bless you and send you good friends to come around you with love and support. I wish you well.

Answer 2

Okay she has EVERY proper to be disenchanted. If he used to be speaking to men and women probably it would not be so dangerous however simply speaking to women sends the signal that he is not completely happy along with her and is attempting to uncover anybody else. She should not no longer go back his cellphone calls however attempt to uncover out why he used to be doing this. Maybe they must check out webcamming with every different. That might aid. Talking daily, even supposing it is announcing I love you is helping plenty too. Long distance is certainly difficult, i do know, i am in a single. We webcam and speak daily. He must maintain looking to speak to her. If he rather cared he would not simply stop. If he's giving up he is an asshole they usually should not be in combination anywayz.

Answer 3

he is ovbiously having problems with the loss of the baby... i presume it is since that loss that the change occurred???

you need to show that you need the affection and attraction...

perhaps you need a holiday away together for 2 weeks or more to rediscover each other...

Answer 4

Probably sees you as being sub to him rather than equal because of age diff. Believe it or not it happens.