I work with young people and have noticed things about their behaviour which I hadn't really noticed before. Some of them are really assertive and say what is on their mind, irrespective of whether they are right or wrong. Others always want to help everyone with their problems, irrespective of whether their help is needed or not. None of these qualities are bad, but I noticed that the ones that are helpful, are sometimes out to please people, without thinking about their own needs, and or often taken advantage off. So I would like to know, why do some people look as being nice as a sign of being a push over?
2007-03-24 21:01:46 · 17 answers · asked by Darkchild 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Sorry. just need to explain something. When working with young people, you need to be assertive (not mean or rude) and I am. But when I try to explain to residents (the ones with a softer side) that they can be assertive without being rude, they dont seem to really take it in. The question isnt about me, its about young people I work with. I just really wanna know how some people learn to use others kindness against them.
2007-03-24 21:17:20 · update #1
jamisojo - you are right that I shouldn't pigeon hole people, but I suppose those are the only to things I things I can think of. These young people are not children they are 16 - 30
2007-03-24 21:23:03 · update #2
Thats a great question. I think that society has that drilled into people, look at the telivison. see how people on tv treat eachouther, not very good. I remember someone telling me once when I appologised for something, dont be sorry, It shows weakness. I never did understand that. when Iwas brought up it ment you were being a bigger person if you could admit a mistake. i guess we just have to set a good example to our youth and hope that we can inpact them better than societey can.
2007-03-24 22:49:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
because in many cases, we are being push overs. You are too open and too willing to help others and this may put you are risk of being taken advantage of.
I guess it's only a problem for you if you deem it a problem for you.
I'm curious though, u describe one "type" as being so assertive that they ignore right or wrong, and the other type as being so helpful they may force their "help" on others. By this definition that you used, both types seem very "assertive". They just have different goals, but in both cases they are children and are not particularly self-conscience of how this might affect others. Certainly this is OK with children, but I'm glad I don't see a lot of adults who ignore right or wrong or ignore whether I WANT their help or not. Those are BAD qualities in adults. : )
2007-03-24 21:09:20 · answer #2 · answered by jamisojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being thought of as a push over is part of the life of being nice. One learns to draw the line where it fits best. Then the abusive user moves on to someone else, if he is not satisfied with the nice persons boundaries. The nice person knows there are others who will understand, appreciate and respect his/hers cheerful ways.
2007-03-24 21:58:37 · answer #3 · answered by Wrath Warbone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Within a group situation it is possible a conflict of personalities may arise, hence if you are genuinely soft on the outside this may not be to another person's liking, ie they may perceive some superficial aspect of you as being a negative thing. Is common for people to say "I didn't like him/her from the moment I set eyes on him/her." Following on from this, people will exploit if that is what they are used to doing etc. You wouldn't exploit someone if you considered that there was a reasonable chance of retailiation.
2007-03-24 21:11:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being kind isn't a display of weakness, but not everyone deserves kindness anyways. Treating with people respect rather than kindness is probably the better route to take. You can be kind and not be a pushover. You just need to have some self-worth.
2007-03-24 21:26:28 · answer #5 · answered by D man 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. In fact people tends to like the company of this kind compared to the one who is assertive as they perceive the person as bold and hard to compromise.
2007-03-24 21:18:01 · answer #6 · answered by briggs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this dosn't just go for young people. my boss is just like your question. he will kiss up to a strong willed person while trying to take advantage of a kind natured person by piling as much work onto him as he can as he knows the kind natured person will try his hardest to get it finished before the deadline while the strong natured person does not even care if he meets the deadline or not.
2007-03-24 21:13:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because goodness gets crucified because goodness doesn't mind one way or another and nature has to eat, so the less good will eat the gooder out of necessity and the good really cares and understands so allows this to go on since it really cares for another.
2007-03-24 21:07:29 · answer #8 · answered by Run_For_President 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is because they think the world owes them something combined with a general lack of respect.
And because they are not nice people, they do not understand what it means to be nice, and to help others.
--That Cheeky Lad
2007-03-24 21:08:36 · answer #9 · answered by Charles-CeeJay_UK_ USA/CheekyLad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the end of the day the kind ones are the ones who go to bed and rest easy ,one day they will get their come-uppence and really need help but will not be able to find it.
2007-03-24 21:11:28 · answer #10 · answered by pups 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋