Would you go?

Question

To the funeral of your mother in law?
MY Mother in law died on friday morning and already my wifes sister and boyfreind are arguing with us.
They are saying that we never looked after her.
it is not true,my wife had to take her to the doctors all the time because her sister was ashamed to walk on the street with her!
ITS WAR
And ive just arrived back from Iraq
and the war there is nothing compared to this!
Should we go?

Answer 1

Hi, what a hellish situation for you to come home to. My humble opinion is, if your wife wants to go to her mums funeral, with you by her side for moral support, then I believe you should go. At the end of the day, what went/goes on between your wife and her sister can be resolved after the funeral.
It could be that your sister-in-law is now feeling guilty because she didn't do as much for her mum as she maybe could have when she was alive.
If you sister-in-law and her boyfriend (not sure that he should be putting his two penneth in) have any respect, they will keep their mouths shut and let your wife pay her last respects to her mum without any conflict.
I hope it goes as well as any funeral can and please pass on my condolences to your wife.
xMorsel

Answer 2

I agree with you...this is nothing compared to Iraq!

If your wife is going, and I would strongly believe she is because she sounds quite devoted to her mother, then by all means, YES YES YES, go with her. But it's not your fight with her sister. Discuss this with your wife, and find out where she wants the line drawn. If she wants you to back her up and defend her, then do so. If she wishes to remain silent and let her sister act foolishly, then bite your tongue and keep quiet as well. I lost my grandmother right after Christmas, and there was no second thoughts...everyone (including significant others) took off work and were there for the family. Tensions and emotions are running high right now, and more than likely, you sister-in-law is probably feeling quite guilty because she DIDN'T do everything she could have done for her mother. But to think your wife and you shouldn't be present is absolutely ludicrous.

Answer 3

Its terrible when this sort of thing happens at such a sad time.
However i'm sure your wife is upset enough without others saying all that,Just be there for eachother and tell the others it dont matter who did what or when,this is the time to come together as a family.
I'm sure your mother-in-law would not have wanted all this arguing.
Talk to your wife, if she wants to go be there for her.
It sounds like you being in iraq do enough as it is. Dont listen to the others,they are taking it out on you and your wife.
Good luck!!!

Answer 4

It's important in family altercations to stay quiet. It's upsetting to see family members angry at each other but if you don't instigate anything, then later you won't be sorry for anything. If your wife wants to go to the funeral you should definitely go and if your sister-in-law wants to start a fight that's her problem. Since you know you are right, and DID look after your mother-in-law, she will only make herself look like a fool to argue about this in public and if she has any sense of what's right she will keep quiet anyway. Good luck.

Answer 5

Yes, I think you should go to support your wife, and children (if you have any). Among the four of you, someone needs to be adult enough to call a truce, even if only temporary. This is difficult enough as it is, without adding all of that drama. If something is said which angers you, bite your tongue. Show that you dignified and mature enough not to argue at the funeral home visitation, or funeral. If you do, it is not only disrespectful to your mother-in-law, but would be disturbing to others (especially kids, if any are involved).

Answer 6

yes you should go, death brings out the worst in people and grief can do terrible things to families, your sister-in law is feeling guilty because maybe she didnt feel she did enough and is taking it out on her sister, this is her mother after all so if she didnt go she would feel awful and never forgive herself, if you cant sit down and reason with them before the funeral if you cant calm the situation then just help her keep her distance at the funeral and try to avoid any conflict, if the sister starts just walk away, but remember she is hurting and not thinking straight at the moment so dont fuel her wrath in any way things will take time to get better but they will, speak to the boyfriend and explain your worries for the funeral and see if he can talk to her work together to give her mom the peacefull send of she deserves, good luck and i hope it all works out for you.

Answer 7

Yes!! take the high road and go..no matter what happens pay your respects and go.. you do not have to talk to the relatives..
After the funeral blow off the people making all the remarks that are not necessary. Death in a family is very stressful and stress does wierd things to people.
Good Luck with this
Pray for your wifes sister and boyfriend...They need it your prayers.

Answer 8

The answer to that is an emphatic YES. You must go. You and your wife have looked after her well. So whatever your in-laws say now, your conscience is clear. And since you have done so much for her, pay the last homage to the departed soul. Otherwise, your heart will bother you for a long, long time.
I guess, your in-laws are criticising you to cover their lapses (attack is the best defence). I have no doubt that soon there will be a "cease-fire" and they will be friendly again with you, eventually,.

Answer 9

Yes I would go, after all it's your wife's mother, and if you don't go later she may not be able to forgive herself or you for not going,,,,,, you know in your own minds that you've done what you can in the passed, and if you don't go it will just give them some more ammunition for their argument, seems to me they are trying to cover up something they didn't do,,,,,, and at the end of the day the lady has passed away and you should pay them your last respects,,,,,,, sorry your going through this some people are just nasty

Answer 10

Yes go. If you don't go, you could be seen as being provocative and making a statement.
People tend to get angry with others when someone has died. It's like tring to find someone to blame and to make sense of their loss. It seems a little crazy that if there was bad feeling, this is being dealt with now rather than when she was alive. It's ugly behaviour and says more about who they are than who you are.
Hold your tongue, keep dignified, tell yourself 'this will pass', go to the funeral, pay your respacts and maybe don't hang around too long at the wake!