My girlfriend wants to save it until marriage, and I understand, but is she going to far?

Question

She doesn't want to do anything at all besides kissing / making out. I talked to her about it and it's simply that she wants to save everything until marriage. When I say everything - it means everything. Personally, I can't handle it. I can handle no sex I suppose for the period of this relationship - I do love her but the rate it's going sexual wise, it's killing me. Everything is perfect besides the sexual aspect of the relationship. Now, though, she's going to school - 1200 miles away. We have talked about staying together and she is sincere about it but I don't know about myself. I know she loves me but it feels like she doesn't because of the way she acts. She's not scared about doing anything; she just plain and simply doesn't want to do anything. So we love each other, we snuggle, we kiss, we make out - but everything stays on - I'm not allowed to touch her intimately - anywhere. It's been almost a year and I'm losing my interest fast - suggestions?

I'm sorry for leaving you guys blank on a couple more details. First of all, we are both in college (she is leaving this August, and I have been for a year - I'm going in to my Sophomore year). I love her to death, really, I do. I'm not losing interest in her - I'm just gaining sexual interest elsewhere and I am really avoiding everything. I don't go to clubs, bars, parties, or anything by myself or with friends that just want to get laid. You guys are completely wrong, I don't just want to get laid. I just think that it's been almost a year, I would like to lay down naked or something.. hold her and feel body warmth. We do so much other stuff like kayaking, going out to eat, movies, road trips, sport games, etc. We do the cutest things for eachother just randomly. We love eachother to death but I just don't feel as much love as I want to. I think I'm confused. :(

Answer 1

Just a matter of my curiosity here, but what are your ages?

Why are you not able to move to her location?

Have you both agreed upon a wedding date yet? Why not?

She's obviously serious about not wanting to sully the marriage bed and it may seem a bit extreme especially if you can't impress upon her that some intimacy now without actual intercourse or oral sex would go a long way to help you make it to the alter.

Bodies rubbing bodies (not manually) could relieve your buildup; maybe as an alternative to further activity, if she'd do that much as her sacrifice to the man she loves -- I'm sure you've tried. It worked for me for a couple of years until we were able to marry.

Answer 2

you are no sexually compatible, or you personally are not strong enough to deal.

I suggest you explain this to her, tell her you are sorry, you respect her wishes, and wish you had stronger faith.

Do not let her take this as a power move by you to force her. It is bad karma. She might say okay okay then to keep you. Don't do that, don't go there. Don't let her compromise herself.

Leave the door open that she might down the road, get back with you, but if she's 1200 miles away, it's not gonna happen.

After a few months, meet someone else.

Good luck. sounds like a sad situation.

Answer 3

If you love her, plain and simple - you'll wait for her. She's made this decision and stuck by it all this time, and i think it would be low of you to try to take that from her. Also, think of it this way - if you end up marrying her, then you are the man she's saved herself for all these years! I was a virgin when i married my husband, and he was not. There are times when i wonder if somewhere down the line i'm going to wonder what it's like to be w/ another man, and maybe you want to mention that to her. However, i have wondered on occasion if my husband is thinking of past sexual relationships when he's w/ me. You'll never have to wonder about that w/ her. I think you should respect her wishes and not nag her about it... And if you simply can't wait, then she's not the one for you.

Answer 4

If you love this girl like you say you do and the relationship is going great why throw that away for a little poontang?
You should respect her for her decision and be grateful for it . This way you know that when you eventually marry her you will be her first and last. Times away won't find you wondering whose bed she's in or who's in her bed.
If you can't wait though you must leave her and try to avoid really breaking her heart or forcing her to give into you she might hate you later for it.

Answer 5

First and for most how important is this girl to you, if she is very important to you then you would respect her wishes and continue on what your doing, with masturbation ..... no cheating though,

you do not want to ruin a very good thing over sex, this girl sounds really good, for you and to you, and her not wanting sex until after marriage is very rare not only that but deserves support as it is hard to stay true to yourself .... in that cause. I am only saying this because if you pressure her to much one of two things will happen she will break up with you and resent you for pressureing her, or she will give in then hate herself and or you as well, for making her fall under the pressure, there is nothing wron with waiting and you sound like you respect that and that is good, but find other means to surpress you sexual wants by masturbateing or if at all possiable , talk to her about it yourself and tell her how you feel but let her know that you do not want her to have sex with you or anyone you just feel the need to express yourself to her, not only will she respect you more but also will make her feel good that you can talk to her about this ... as if marriage for the two of you is planned then communicateing now will help you in the future as well, do not hide this from her as this will only cause you more confuseion and acting on implus rather then logic and that may lead to a serious mistake for you and cause a hole between the two of you ... or worse a break up,

Answer 6

She doesn't want to do ANYTHING, and you do, and that's all there is to it. I would imagine that you guys don't have much of a chance to even kiss when she's 1200 miles away! If it were me, I would break up with her, just on the grounds that long distance relationships are extremely difficult and often end in a breakup. Believe me, I've had a long distance relationship that ended in a heart break.

Answer 7

If you're loosing your interest in her because she hasn't given it up (which is normal) then maybe she's not the one for you. I mean, if she was, then the wait wouldn't be a big deal and yes you would feel upset about the waiting but you wouldn't loose interest in her. Maybe rethink if this is the relationship for you. Also don't feel bad that you couldn't wait until marriage, not everyone has the same ideals and values.

Answer 8

Not everything is about sex, you seem to think that sex is a priority in a relationship. If she wants to wait until marriage, respect her dicision. If you are so desperate then start pleasuring yourself. If you think of cheating on her, don't. The best thing is to split up.

By the way you describe it, I don't think you are willing to risk it to be with her.

Answer 9

If you truly love her you will respect her for this. It takes a lot of strength and character for a person to stick to their morals. You should be glad you found a girl with this type of character and strength. Sex isn't everything in a relationship but faithfulness, respect and honesty will make it last a lot longer.

Answer 10

Wow you don't deserve her at all. I can't believe you wouldn't accept her wishes and you're "losing interest"? It's obvious what you're in this relationship for and I hope she reads all this that you just said about her. And you should be ashamed of yourself for even talking about the kissing/making out details in your relationship. She deserves somebody better.