I don't even know where to start, but this whole thing is making me resentful more and more!
He's a devoted Catholic, I'm Catholic too, but I'm not a fanatic, I do believe and all, but I still consider myself to be pretty realistic when it comes to matter of life, and since I started dating him, he wants me to change the way I live, the biggest struggles have been the music I listen to, nothing Satanic (like he refers to ALL music), but you know, Reggae, R&B, some pop (not all), and some oldies... But him, oh my, he thinks ALL music is evil, and no matter what the message is, he still thinks it was created in hell (with those exact words), so now I find myself trapped between the sword and the wall, because I do love him, but oh my, I LOVE MUSIC, I've been a huge music listener since I'm 4!!! It makes me wanna cry to think that the life that awaits me and my children, is a world without music...
2007-03-24 19:15:56 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh yeah, and I DO know there's gospel music, but lets be realistic, not all of it is THAT is good, so I don't know, I don't like the idea of being controlled like that!
Another issue was my best friend of my entire life, a gay guy... And my fiance started to get all jealous of him, and now he doesn't want me to EVER see him again, oh my, is like a nightmare! I love him very much, but this whole "the only "Holy" way of living your life is MY way" thing is stressing me out A LOT!
And don't get me wrong, he's a nice hard working guy, very thoughtful most of the time, and very affectionate, and LOVES spending time with me (too much I think), and he'd make a great father because he loves kids, but I don't know, that whole thing of not accepting my likes is crushing me, because I don't consider myself to be a bad person because I like certain music, and because I still want to hang out with my ONLY friend in life, specially when he's gay!!! He's NO threat!!! I need feedback please!!! :-(
2007-03-24 19:20:08 · update #1
Oh, and btw, he doesn't want me to work either, and he wanted me to homeschool the bunch of children he wants us to have.... That's when I got real angry and said an absolute NO, but I can't get him to understand the rest, that I have my likes, things that make me and individual... Someone said there that he's just looking for stuff to make them look evil, and I agree with that, I think this is a red flag, and even when he's a nice guy and all, I don't want to be controlled like a marionette, and to the one who said that I gotta lose something to win (or something to that effect), well, it's not only music he wants me to give up, but my professional life, my meaningful friendships of life, my individuality, so, should I give up THAT much for a guy who'd make a good father??? I'm not so sure about that, I need more feedback.
2007-03-24 19:28:35 · update #2
I think what I said is being misunderstood, what I said no to was to homeschooling... My professional career I have to give it up for him... *sighs*, the more details I add, the more it seems I'm only fooling myself by staying... How sad :-(
2007-03-24 19:39:07 · update #3
It sounds to me like he's got some major control issues--like he wants to control you. The music and gay friend issues are indicative of something deeper, I think. I encourage you to think very carefully before you commit to spending the rest of your life with this person--if he's acting this way when you're only engaged, how will he be when you're legally (and spiritually) bound together?
Having been in a similar situation (I left before the wedding), I encourage you to examine that he is not taking you and your needs into consideration--he is telling you that it's his way, period. He's not giving you and your opinions any respect.
Really examine what you want your life with your husband and your children to look like before you bind your life with his. If you can't picture it, look elsewhere. There are plenty of moral men out there that know how to respect their fellow human beings as Jesus did--without judging them. All people deserve respect, especially from their significant other.
Make a conscious choice about what you want. He's not going to change. The choice is yours.
Good luck, and stay blessed.
2007-03-24 19:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not only have a life without music to look forward to if you marry this narrow-minded moron, but actually no life at all. Do you really think that if you accept his ban on music and marry him despite the red flags popping up everywhere, that is where it will stop? He'll find something else that means a lot to you that he can declare evil, and then something else, and then something else, until you have nothing left that makes your life worth living. Do you really think this music thing has anything to do with religion? It is his test run of the future, his little experiment to see if you can be sufficiently brainwashed and controlled for him to turn you into a nice obedient abused wife. Still wanna get married?
2007-03-24 19:21:57 · answer #2 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would think twice about being his fiance because today music what will be next or after you are married if he knows he can control you in any way he will do it for as long as you are with him.I've been there!If I was you I'd make sure he understands you are your own person and will listen to what you enjoy.You only live once and no matter what music you like don't make you a bad person.I wish you the best of luck!!
2007-03-24 19:28:15 · answer #3 · answered by sinful_1971 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not just the music he wants to control, hon, and since you've referred to him as 'fiance' and not 'husband', you can walk away from this relationship (I know it sounds harsh) any time YOU CHOOSE.
He sounds too judgmental for the free spirit in you and you will, if you stay with him or (God forbid) marry him, you'll become even more and more introverted while pushing him away in ways you may not even realize...but I guarantee that he will.
I've been in a relationship like this and it didn't take me but a couple of months to see that I was gonna be under his thumb even though he treated me like a queen in other ways.
You've evidentally got a high tolerance for being controlled and would rather he or anyone else make up your mind for you or be the "decider" in your life while you wither away.
You may, since you mention children, be tolerating his behavior if children are involved and he's contributing to their support.
I can only say that there isn't enough money in the world to make your life right if you're afraid to own your own mind. Without coming to grips with this, you're most probably doomed to a life of
grimace and grind.
Too bad, because happiness is out there waiting for your once you decide you deserve it!
Ask yourself if you and he share ideologies, your politics and loads of other things that have particular meaning for you.
If he's only out to CHANGE YOU, GET OUT NOW. HIS CONTROLLING WAYS WILL EAT YOU ALIVE, TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, HON.
2007-03-24 19:39:14 · answer #4 · answered by Moe J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to lay some boundaries around your life and make this less of a choice that YOU have to make and more of one that HE has to make. Explain to him that you will like music. Period. If he doesn't he doesn't have to listen to it, but you will. And you like your friend, who is gay, and he will be staying around.
There are boundaries every relationship has: the wife will keep working, the girlfriend will keep talking to her best friend who is a guy, the kids will be in public vs. private school, etc. It sounds like you've given some ground (maybe acceptable, maybe not) in the past RE making some changes, and now he's rebuilding you from the ground up. You need to define who you are and what you will and won't change.
Again: explain to him WHO YOU ARE. The more you try modifying your behavior to fit his whims, the more he'll try to change you. The ironic part is that once you're done "changing" completely for him, he probably will lose interest (I've seen it before...it's not pretty).
On a personal note, in my view: not having a KISS record in the house anymore = acceptable (and I love my KISS), but giving up music entirely = nuts.
Good luck!
2007-03-24 19:29:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not to sound like a entire jerk, however there are a couple of elements on this tale that stick out like sore thumbs with me. First of all, why might you be TRYING to have a little one with an individual that you have already got what appears like an risky dating with? You mentioned you cut up up earlier than, simplest to get again in combination. Do you truthfully believe that having a little one along with her goes to stablize your dating? Second, why might you be TRYING to have a little one with a lady that you are now not married to? I discover you 2 have been engaged, however what is the rush to have a little one besides? I do not have an understanding of why marriage is an afterthought at the present time with humans who reside in combination and feature youngsters in combination. And 3rd......if she already has a little one from a prior dating, and now says she discovered an individual new to have yet another little one with, does this REALLY sound like marriage fabric to you? If your first-class pal informed you that the chick he is been dwelling with for the final yr or 2 with the five yr ancient child needs to get a divorce given that she discovered an individual new to have yet another little one with, what might you inform him? Chances are that deep down, folks who real care approximately you don't seem to be going to be too dissatisfied over your get a divorce with this lady. Especially your mothers and fathers! I understand it's rough my pal. Honestly I do. And NOTHING any person says in right here goes to make you think any higher. But confidently in time you discover that in spite of some thing attachment you felt with this lady and her little one, that is most likely for the first-class. Some of the most important errors I have obvious humans make, is after they believe that obtaining married or having kids with the WRONG man or woman is instantly going to make the whole thing correct. Somewhere available in the market is a exceptional lady with values, morals, and a heck of plenty much less luggage simply ready to fulfill an individual such as you. You'll see.
2016-09-05 15:02:19 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my harsh advice to you is don't make him your husband....you should always go with your gut instinct...if you are already thinking that he is suffocating you and tring to con trol you well then let me tell you RUN!!! I have been married for ten yrs and I have never felt this way about my husband.....thats why over 50% of marriages divorce now days b/c people seem to think that these things will change....fact of the matter is that they will not....sorry to sound so negative.....but I hope it makes you dig deeper into the situation....
2007-03-24 19:23:41 · answer #7 · answered by Erika 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well he shoudnt be telling u how to live ur life. I'd pick the music, ur ENAGAGED not MARRIED so take advanatage and get out while u can. espcialy if he has OTHER controlling behaviors too,.
2007-03-24 19:20:03 · answer #8 · answered by lady26 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
girl .. uve got to get ure life prioritized ... do u love him or music more ? u can listen to the kind of music he listen too ... its all music rite ? if u want to gain some ... u should be prepared to lose some ....... i personnaly feel u should get out of this relationship when u can ........ coz if u get married and have kids ...... it will be more difficult then ...... relationship is all about adjusting ... and u shouldnt be the only one adjusting ...... tell him striaght that u find it hard to be in this controlling relationship .......
2007-03-24 19:21:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok, I never, never, never tell people to do this, but just run away and don't look back. This is a divorce waiting to happen. Really.
2007-03-24 19:21:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋