I love a man who is afraid to let go and love, what can I do to change his mind?

Question

Both of us have been hurt by past relationships. I understand his resistance....but I am willing to risk, but he isn't? How can I prove to him that I am different than the other women out there?

Guys I am not "with" him . We are both older. He is not my boyfriend. We have dated off and on & whenever it feels serious for him, he admits that he gets scared. We don't live in the same city. But we do connect now and again.
We have both had huge problems with our X's and do worry about making a good choice.

Answer 1

If you stand by him, through this time, he will see that you are different. Any other woman would cut and run, and give up on him. I suggest you show him that you are different, by staying by his side, he will come around, when he sees you aren't going anywhere. That would work for me, and I am no different than any other man that has been hurt in the past.

Answer 2

Thats a great question. And it does exist probably more today than ever with the divorce rate the way it is. I think it is great that you have empathy for him. It is healthy for you to understand and feel what he is feeling. Even more impressing is that a woman is willing, as you say, take the risk again. Most women are reluctant to put their heart out there so easily for the same reason your guy is hesitant. Problem is you haven't included enough info. I don't know for how long you have been trying to convince him and that is critical. If you have been together for a long period of time, say a year or two or more, then by now your actions should have proved to him that you are willing to be a one man woman. Plus, in that amount of time, he should have collected enough information about you from your dating one another that he should have a pretty good gage of whether you are marriage material. On the other hand, if you are still in the early stages of knowing one another, then you may have to take your time in proving your actions as being worthy of him taking the risk again. If you have been together for quite awhile, then I would suggest having a very serious talk with him and in that talk you need to lay your heart on the line and tell him you love him and are willing to take the risk. You must also tell him that you understand why he may be alittle scared based on past experiences. In this talk though, you need to speak up for yourself by explaining that you feel that by your actions you have demonstrated your romantic loyalty to him. If after the talk you sense that you haven't won him over then you very well may need to think about moving on. After all, some never really get over the hurt from past experiences and never really are able to trust again. Therefore you may have to find someone that not only sees the merits of being with you but understands that you can and should be trusted. And they are out there
Good Luck!

Answer 3

How interesting a question considering the female of the species tends to be more emotional than the male and thusly having fears of involvement moreso.

Yet, it isn't unspeakable by any means. Regardless of age, any relationship requires time to mature to a confidence level and if one expects too much of the other than surely will this be a reason for holding back "a match made in heaven".

Do you really believe that a soured relationship of the past holds a person back...? I don't...! If the person is seeking again, it's obvious he / she is ready to move on but will be more cautious based on previous experience.

"Caution" is not a publicized list of qualifications while yet each person does have preferences for satisfaction...expectations...???

Perhaps then, the approach is wrong, as there certainly is no shortage of men and women seeking that cannot find and the internet does reveal an unlimited source for both gendre.

There is really nothing to "prove"...not at all...! As like your first teenage love, it's all about dialogue and mutual interests.
Love at first sight is a myth if calling it real love because it is simply a physical love as real love requires majurity.

Whether love or simply a relationship, it begins with compatibility. If a couple has little in common then they share no chance for anything more than a physical relationship.

When a person finds the compatible "other" the dialogue begins and if one does not communicate it would be best to start looking further as no quality relationship can succeed without communications of both parties.

During this time (referred to as courtship) each must realize and accept that no relationship is possible without a certain amount of sacrifice and compromise. In other words, if one or both are so "set in their ways" they refuse to change, stop there, as it is a lost cause...it just will not work.

Once realizing this, a person feels secure for having reached a balance point of comfort, not only with him / herself, but also is comfortable in feeling the significant other feels the same.

These are the preliminaries of human emotion and reaction whether written someplace in a handbook, here or just etched in the minds of cautious people. If a relationship achieves a balance point of mutual satisfaction, there are no limits to the extent of happiness that will follow.

As for past relationships, they are past and should remain there. They are not subject matter for new love as it perpentrates the ideas of comparison to a new relationship. "New" means "new"...a new beginning entirely. Should questions arise of the past, answer truthfully in as very few words as possible and never linger on the subject. If lingering is persistant, simply say "It's best we don't go there, it's behind me now."

I repeat, you do not have to "prove" yourself to anyone and if he thinks you do then he is playing games with you or is incapable for a relationship at this time and won't be until he solves his own underlying problem, not yours...!

Answer 4

I am having the same experience myself.
I care deeply about a man who is scared of me....well maybe those arn't the right words.He is scared to keep dating because I am what he wants and he doesn't trust his past judgments.

We don't date anymore. What I do is continue to be the genuine me and have him see that I am trustworthy and can be trusted.

I continue to move on in my life. And figure if the relationship is meant to be, it will be. I have to not obcess over it because I know that if love just flows one way, it really isn't love.

Answer 5

As he develops a history with you, and he sees that your behavior is consistent, he will be more comfortable with you, and open up to you, and consider loving you. You could also talk to him and answer any questions, concerns, and doubts he may have. It's not easy to love again after being hurt, but once he feels that you're not going to hurt him, he may open up with you.

Answer 6

There is nothing you can do to change his mind. People make whatever decisions they're going to make; no one can make up their minds for them. That said, all you can do is be yourself, show him compassion and honesty, and hope he realizes what a catch you are. Love him unconditionally, and maybe he'll feel brave enough to choose to trust again.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Almost all of us are afraid to let go(especially when we have been hurt) so just give him time.

Answer 8

men are afraid of everything.they never assume.and you dont have to prove anything to him ,he has to feel it by himself...it is a waste of time trying to prove something that they dont want to assume...a relationship.

Answer 9

Just let him have you, maybe! you can seduce him and give him whatever that can make him happy. Go on, try it out !

Answer 10

You can't, he has to figure that out on his own.