Which of these two poems do you like best?

Question

I wrote this poem 5 minutes ago
1) Misery,drown me in the pool of blood that leaks from the seconds of death
Suffocate the breaths that keeps me on this shallow ground Leave me be from the the nightmares that trap me within Dance with the black rose,ripped like fragile paper from not even within a touch skip among mid air,fall and never touch never feel never weep
2) Decieved and kissed
seduced with lies
pushed in the grave of broken glass stupid,
i am such a foolish doll tied with strings to frolic and play with a crooked smile painted on a blank face

Answer 1

WOW. I'm in AP Literature and have read and analyzed hundreds of poems, which leads me to say that you are very talented. I like both poems. However, I think I prefer the first poem more. It is more descriptive and has strong imagery. The second poem, however, has more mystery.

I think you should combine them to make one poem. Take the first poem and somehow add the last sentence of the second poem (because that is the only sentence in your second poem that is really strong).

But if I HAD to pick one, it would be the first one. Keep writting though. You have a lot of potential to grow and become even better.

Answer 2

If i were you i would tie them together..

Misery, drowns me
in the pool of blood
that leaks from the seconds of death
decieved and kissed
seduced with lies
pushed in the grave of broken glass
dumbfounded (instead of stupid)
suffocated by breaths that keep me
on this shallow ground
leaving me be from the nightmares that trap me within
dance with the black rose
ripped like fragile paper from not even within a touch skip among mid air
fall and never touch
never feel
never weep
i am such a foolish doll tied with strings to frolic and play
leaving a crooked smile painted on a blank face

i really enjoyed reading it! Good job!

Answer 3

Umm I like the both..but I like number 2 better..only cause it flows a bit more then the first...I love to write poems..how long have you been writting your poems ?? If you want to chat sometime that would be cool.

Here is one that I kinda got from your second poem.

Decieved and kissed,
Seduced by lies,
Hoping that you forever die,
While you stand there with a crooked smile on your face,
Standing here in your cold embrace.

Sorry it's not my best.. it's just flowed from me when i was reading yours..kinda stole your words though.. sorry.

Answer 4

Both poems lose their flow. In the first poem, after Dance with the black rose... the poem looses its flow. In the second poem after broken glass..., that poem loses it's flow. However I believe you're pretty good at poetry writing. Keep at it. But, if I had to choose, I'd select the first one.

Answer 5

Usually when people come here & ask about poetry -- I tell them the truth. So far the truth has always been that their poetry is awful

Your second poem falls into that category. It is both obvious and dull.

However, I rather like the first one.

Answer 6

the 1st one is better. since u r interested in writing poems, i wud like 2 tell u that a poem is not just a complilation of bombastic n difficult words. its just the flow of ur thoughts in words.
i dont want 2 b rude or nethng, just a suggestion since i myself write poems.

Answer 7

1. The word stupid doesnt fit into 2

Answer 8

nice world play and sensory details. keep it up.

i like the second one.

you are really good.

Answer 9

I prefer da 1st poem :)

Answer 10

1st one!