Pay the money or take him to court?

Question

I was seeing a man 19 years older then me (I was 20) for two years. Over the course of that time, I loaned him huge amounts of money. I have over $900.00 in cleared checks from the bank that I had written him. He had been separated from his wife and going through a bad divorce and needed money, plus he was way behind on his bills. I took out a $15,000.00 student loan and gave it to him in cash. 4 months after I gave him the money, I caught him with another woman. He goes to church and has everyone fooled. Should I pay the student loan for the next 25 years of my life while he's living high on the hog? Or should I do something about it? I don't know what to do because I definately can't afford to pay the loan. I don't have any written proof that I gave it to him because he made me give it to him in cash. What on earth am I going to do???

Answer 1

Let me first say that there is no way that you should have to pay that.

Now, let me say, unfortunately, your going to.

You did the bad thing by taking a student loan and giving the dividends to someone else.

The only way you will ever recuperate your loss, is if he fully admits his wrong-doing and agrees to pay it back.

It sucks, but its the law. The good news is, you learned a lot from this relationship.

Answer 2

Wow tough lesson for you my dear.

$15,000 knocks the debt out of small claims court, and misuse of a student loan may be another issue, go see a lawyer (most give free consultations) to see if anything can be done.

But I doubt it. He will say it was a gift, you will say a loan and the court will say why the heck do we care. Your only chance will be if he either admits it, or has made some payments to you (which would prove he knew it was a loan).

But in answer to your "next 25 years of my life" question, no you should not take 25 years to pay this loan back. You are young and have made a mistake, fix it. Go take another job (or 2 or 3) and send every dime you make to get this loan paid off as soon as you can. You will save thousands in interest and won't have this hanging over your head.

Good luck, and remember next time, separated is NOT divorced and if he is dating you while still married, he will date the next one while still married to you.

Answer 3

See an attorney right away. They may or may not be able to help you. Could you get him to sign and IOU, at least you have something. It may be a collections question.

Its funny how you say he was going through a "bad divorce", no sh....t. That is usually the type of divorces that con-men go through. I am sure it was worse for his ex-wife.

Now this next statement is very important. It is something you will have to re-read and something you should not forget.
When you encounter an act of bad faith, do not ever expect the person commiting the bad act to change behavior or care about resolving the problem.

I can see you mind working, with the church comment. You have not fully understood the workings of a sociopathic con-man. Of course they go to church, that is where you find sympathetic suckers. I would certainly write a letter to the minister of the church explaining what happened to you. AND DO NOT call him or alert him to this.
You need to make a clear and direct statement that he needs to make a major direct payment on the account.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Look on the web for the legal sites that offer one free consultation and ask an attorney.
I did something like that with my ex, "gave" him credit cards for "business" expenses and he was using them to buy perfume and lingerie for some other woman. I told the credit card company my card was stolen and someone was charging up a storm on it. THEN I called an attorney and filed for divorce, and had my marriage annulled, (I could as we were living at either end of the US for school purposes.) After that I felt better.
Now that I have learned the hard way, I can honestly say, if you have to give them money, drop them and RUN in the opposite direction, no matter what they say!

Answer 5

I am so sorry that you had to learn your lesson with such a huge loan. I personally lost around $2500 on my ex girlfriend, and that is how I learned to keep my wallet and checkbook locked up and not spend or help people out like I used to. Unfortunately you are stuck. If you feel you need to help people out by getting them a loan, make sure they sign the papers too as a cosigner or borrower, they will be more likely to help pay it back.

Answer 6

You have definitely been conned. Without any written proof you're doomed. Since the Student loan was taken in your name, you'll be liable to repay. This will also affect your credit score. An expensive lesson to learn but what's been done cannot be undone. Be smarter the next time. This guy has abused you because you're too naive to have fallen for his tricks.

Answer 7

You cannot sue him. You have no proof and you never married. You have been had. All you can do is pay the loan. Chalk this one up to a lesson learned. An expensive lesson. Get on with your life, eventually you will have it paid off. Never, ever give a guy money again.

Answer 8

You handed him $15,000 in cash? Wow! Do the only thing you can do. Fight fire with fire. You need concrete proof when you go to court. Get him to admit that he borrowed the money from you on tape or in writing. Get a trusted friend to set a trap for him if you have to. This is war, and all is fair in love and war.

I wish you the best.

Answer 9

Since you probably don't have enough money to see a regular lawyer, find the nearest Legal Aid office and get their opinion or contact the state bar where you live. SUE this parasite and expose him for what he did to you.You have the receipts right? Go after him and don't let anyone change your mind.

Answer 10

Sorry, but cash has no bearing in court. You'd have to get him to admit you gave it to him and furthermore, that it was a loan. You could get the 900 back probably.