I rock my 15 month old to sleep at night; hubby says to let him cry it out until he falls asleep--who's right?

Answer 1

You're right.

The cry is not just a sound; it's a signal – designed for the survival of the baby and development of the parents. By not responding to the cry, babies and parents lose. Here's why. In the early months of life, babies cannot verbalize their needs. To fill in the gap until the child is able to "speak our language," babies have a unique language called "crying." Baby senses a need, such as hunger for food or the need to be comforted when upset, and this need triggers a sound we call a cry. Baby does not ponder in his little mind, "It's 3:00 a.m. and I think I'll wake up mommy for a little snack." No! That faulty reasoning is placing an adult interpretation on a tiny infant. Also, babies do not have the mental acuity to figure out why a parent would respond to their cries at three in the afternoon, but not at three in the morning. The newborn who cries is saying: "I need something; something is not right here. Please make it right."

At the top of the list of unhelpful advice – one that every new parent is bound to hear – is "Let your baby cry-it-out." To see how unwise and unhelpful is this advice, let's analyze each word in this mother-baby connection- interfering phrase.

Answer 2

I think there's a lot of debate about this. On the one hand, the child is a child and needs to know his cries will be answered so as to build a sense of security for him. On the other hand, he's no longer a new born. He's gotten used to the routine of you rocking him to sleep and now expects, and (if he's like my daughters) demands it at the point.

We had the same problem -- I was you and my wife said let the girls cry it out.

At 15 months I think a child should be able to fall asleep by himself -- without that skill I think we parents do a disservice to both the child and ourselves. It will be tough the first three days, but after that if you're consistent, he will learn the new routine and adjust.

I would go in and hold them, then place them back before they fell asleep. Then, I would just go in and caress their heads. Then I would just walk in and say good night again. Then I wouldn't walk back in. They need to learn that if you walk in, all they get is a pat but they don't get to get out of their crib.

It's tougher on the parents than the kids I think.

Good luck,
R

Answer 3

It depends. Are you waiting until your son is 100 percent asleep? That's a bad habit I had to learn the hard way. I used to wait til she was asleep-then she'd wake up 1/2 hour later, alone, and panic and start screaming. Now I rock my girl to sleep and then put her in bed with a few books and her crib toy that plays lullabies. Within 20 minutes, she's usually asleep. Kids need to learn how to put themselves to sleep. It's ok for them to cry for five minutes or so and you can go back in and comfort and eventually he'll fall asleep. But it's going to take time. You can do it though, I did it with my daughter and it took a good week or so and then she became a great sleeper.

Answer 4

Different children have different needs, as does your husband. I also rock, and/ or hold my daughter, until she is asleep. I have heard that other people give their child a bottle to put them to bed - very bad idea since this promotes tooth decay - so eliminate that as an alternative if it is suggested. Children can learn to self sooth, this is part of the idea that your husband is encouraging you to do. Children also thrive with routine and discipline. So your child had learned the routine of being rocked to sleep. This is not a bad idea since it give your child a sense of security, and you peace of mind that your child has peacefully fallen to sleep. After a while you will be able to move to putting the child to bed without holding them, but for now comfort for the child and security is what you both appear to need. You might lovingly ask your husband what is HIS benefit in letting the child cry.
P.S. They are only little once ~ enjoy that time.

Answer 5

I think 15 months old is too old to be rocked to sleep every night. I don't know how you manage that every night. He is definitely old enough to be getting to sleep on his own. Although it will be a difficult task now at this age... but you've got to start at some point!

Your husband is right to a point... "Crying it out" doesn't mean that you abandon your child. But it isn't going to hurt a 15 month old to cry for a few minutes either. You can let him cry for a few minutes, go in and check on him, reassure him you're nearby and there for him, then leave again. If he cries again, give him a few minutes, go back in, pat his back, sing a song, etc.... then leave again... You can keep doing this until he falls asleep...waiting a little longer each time before you go in to him. One word of advice: Don't pick him up! Whatever you do...sing, talk, pat back, rub tummy, etc..... leave him in the crib while you do it. And also leave the lights off (nightlight okay) and talk softly. Try to avoid direct eye contact (it stimulates them to look into the eyes of the ones they love most!).

You're going to have to be really strong in order to accomplish it but it will be totally worth it. Develop a nightime routine and stick with it. Something like: Bathtime, brush teeth, storytime, get to bed. And do the *same thing* every night until it becomes routine.

Good luck...!

Answer 6

First I would see why he is crying...Is the baby in danger? I speak of experience because one night my son was crying and I said..."I will let him cry it out"....but in actuallity his leg was wedged between the bed and wall....I was so heartbroken when I finally check to see why he was crying...he was ok. So first things first...make sure babe is outta danger. I don't really think you are wrong, sometimes our children need love, especially if you are a working parent who doesn't see much of your baby. If that is what baby is used to then so be it, its not like he is six or seven years old....then maybe I would see your hubbys point of view. My youngest is four almost five and I sometimes rock him to sleep, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Enjoy his love and kisses now because they all hit a certain age where they are like....ewwww! Trust me...I have three boys. You should also try to see your husbands point of view too! How long does it take to rock the baby to sleep? Maybe your husband wants more time of you too!

Answer 7

I have 2 children and the first only learnt to put herself to sleep with controlled crying/self soothing techniques (settling in bed, leaving to cry for a brief period usually 5mins, returning to sooth her in her cot, then leave to cry for another 5 mins etc until she finally went to sleep). I hated doing this at first, and my husband really hated it, but after 3 days we saw the results and never looked back.

My second child is very different and only cries when he has a problem, so we have only used these techniques when he has recovered from an illness and is used to lots of cuddles.

The really important thing to me is for your husband and you to work together to find a solution that works for the whole family. Everywhere you turn people will have opinions and suggestions that you can draw on, but you need to do what works for you and your unique little boy. If you, your husband and son are managing OK then keep going as long as it works for you. If one person has a problem then try to find a compromise that works for you both.

Maybe you could try self soothing techniques for 4 nights over Easter and see if they work. Remember consistancy is really important so your son knows to expect the same response from both his parents. If this doesn't work you can always try something different.

I agree with many of the responses above that say crying is a babys way of telling you something, at 15 months though they tell you way more than 'I'm hungry' or 'I'm sore'. They are capable of telling you they are angry 'Hey mum, I don't want to be left to do this myself - get in her and cuddle me! Now!' At some point parents need to move from solely nurturing to a nurture-discipline balance. This changes constantly during parenting. My husband and I found that sleep was the issue that taught us this with our first born.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 8

From what I have seen in my family and other families, it is a bad idea to rock a child to sleep. I asked my pediatrition about this when I had my first child. He said that I should put the child down. Time from when the child starts crying for 2 minutes. Go in and check on him, and show him you are there and comfort him without picking him up. Make this VERY brief. Leave again and set the timer for 3 minutes. Keep repeating this. Everytime set the timer for a minute or two later. This shows the baby that you are there for him, but you aren't giving in. They will fall asleep after awhile (but every child is different in how long it takes) He has to learn to comfort himself. It may take awhile, maybe even a few days before they start to comfort themselves, but it is so worth it in the long run.

Answer 9

I am in the same boat. I rock my son to sleep at night as well (he's 14 months and I have one on the way). My hubby and I also have opposing views. He says I should let him cry and I don't like to. So, I wouldn't say one or the other is right. The approaches are different. I just think rocking my son, while a pain sometimes, FEELS right to me. Maybe my husband is detached to a certain extent and is therefore more objective, somewhat. :o)

Answer 10

You damaging component... I comprehend your discomfort, even although I broke plenty till now than you - 6-7 months!! i truly like Sheyne Rowley's 'Dream toddler handbook' e book - that is suggestions for in the time of the day, as properly as at nighttime, geared in the direction of 6-18 month olds. seek for her internet site on line - it has multiple documents approximately her technique, see no remember in case you think of it is going to slot. you need to have the ability to start utilising a number of her suggestions quickly away. the belief is that there is a 'going to sleep' ordinary, a re-settling ordinary (many factors the comparable by way of fact the going to sleep one), and a waking ordinary. the component that truly clicked once I heard her speaking on television became the way she defined why crying it out made no experience - attempting to tell your toddler that at 1am crying gets you nowhere, 3am comparable, 5am comparable, yet 7am? ok, now i will answer your cries and p.c.. you up, asserting what a sturdy toddler you're for 'sleeping by using' the nighttime! would not that in simple terms instruct your toddler that in the event that they cry for long sufficient you will at last are available in?? could make the crying worse... interior of a week of commencing together with her suggestions (alongside with utilising a secure-T-Sleep), my daughter became sleeping 11-12 hours a nighttime without intervention from me. She became 6-7 months previous. sturdy success!

Answer 11

My daughters pediatrician told me it's best to stay with them and rock them until they're groggy but not asleep and then lay them down. This is supposed to help them learn how to get to sleep on their own.
If your child cries when you lay him down let him cry for a couple minutes but dont let him cry himself to sleep. You can go back in and soothe him and if he doesnt stop crying, pick him up and rock him back to sleep.
Actually I never did what my daughters pediatrician recommended. Whenever I layed her in her crib, shed wake up all the way and scream. I had to wait til she was fully asleep to put her in her crib because I couldnt stand seeing my baby cry. Shes 19 months old now and does fall asleep by herself (no rocking required) but she wont fall asleep unless I'm in sight. I dont mind staying next to her bed until she drifts off though-it usually doesnt take too long for her to fall asleep.
I think you should do what you're comfortable with. Letting your baby "cry it out" may help him learn to get to sleep by himself, but are you and hubby going to be able to stand hearing him cry? I couldnt do it, I'd run to my babys room at the first whimper cause I'm a big softie. Letting my daughter cry herself to sleep would make me feel so guilty.