My fiancee of 5 yrs is pushing to get married now that we have an 8 mnth old daughter. She knows I'm not divorced yet, but she did quit work to take care of my 8yr old son and our daughter! I love her but i cheated on her when we first moved in together and she still doesn't trust me! I don't want to loose her, but at the same time I don't think I'm ready to marry someone who doesn't trust me! Is she right?
2007-03-24 16:47:33 · 24 answers · asked by fastnfurious_male29 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Ummm if she's been your fiance for 5 years, and you're not divorced yet, then why haven't you gotten divorced? When my sister was dating a guy he wasn't divorced to his wife but they had been seperated for years. She finally left him because he wouldn't get divorced. And why did you cheat on her? Do men not have any self control?
2007-03-24 17:31:36 · answer #1 · answered by Danielle 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My question is why are you not divorced yet after 5 + years? Trust will be earned in time..it will not come easy and and you have to maintain that trust. Do not marry her if you have doubts, it is not fair to her or the children. Some say once a cheater, always a cheater. I do not believe that statement to be true. Time and love changes people. Marriage should be based on honesty and trust, I wish you both the best, Good luck!
2007-03-24 23:56:02 · answer #2 · answered by Misty M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty reasonable that she wouldn't trust you...I mean it sound like you cheated on your wife with her, and then you cheated on her too. The fact that you've been engaged for so long should also be a sign to her that you are afraid of commitment. The prime focus should be your children and creating a stable relationship for the sake of your kids. If it takes some counseling or whatever, just do it. Maybe you both have some issues to work on. It might take a long time to regain her trust and it's something that takes work and you have to have some accountability here. Just put the interests of your children first....they are the innocent ones here.
2007-03-24 23:54:18 · answer #3 · answered by schneeballe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I am wondering is why this woman is still with you. No offense, but a 5 year engagement to someone who is still married, cheated on me, and doesn't want to marry me, even though we've been together for so long...that's kind of asking her to deal with a lot.
If you really loved her, you wouldn't have cheated on her. I'm not saying you don't love her now, but you obviously didn't then.
You say you don't think your ready to marry someone who doesn't trust you... I am thinking that this is one of many excuses you've made over the last 5 years...perhaps you are afraid of another failed marriage.
I think your fiance is completely correct. She obviously loves you and wants to be with you, and after all her sacrifices, she is ready for you to give something back...show her you are commited to her. If you don't do something, and soon, she is liable to give up, and you could lose her.
Actions speak louder than words, my friend. Prove that you love her.
2007-03-24 23:53:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has all the right in the world not to trust you. Your not divorced yet why not you should be after 5 yrs. I think you are scared to marry her because you don't want to hurt her but thats part of life. Also have you talked to her about this if not you need too cause she needs to know if she's your partner!!!!! GOOD LUCK
2007-03-25 00:15:24 · answer #5 · answered by sweet heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's look at the facts, you cheated on her when the relationship first began and then five years go by and you still haven't married her? Your not helping the trust factor any. If you are not marrying her, she has to be wondering what the reason is, and when you let a woman wonder, her imagination will run wild. Go ahead and marry her if you love her. It's the only way you are going to salvage this relationship.
2007-03-25 00:00:28 · answer #6 · answered by bosco6159 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stupid question, but what were you thinking of? How could you move in with someone and have children with them and not be divorced? How can you not be divorced yet after being engaged for 5 years? Personally I think she should be kicking you to the curb...you haven't given her any reason to believe in you or trust you. If you weren't ready to marry then why did you ask and why did you have children?
2007-03-24 23:54:10 · answer #7 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait for your divorce to be final , then choose a wedding date.. start there and she'll back off... the date doesnt have to even be this year, but you two do have a child together and youve been engaged for a long time.. she's obviously ready for marriage. you gave her a reason not to trust you, and yea, itll be hard to get that trust back, but if you marry her.. she will feel that you two are bound together with a ring, and that its more unlikely youd go out and cheat..(tho you were cheating on your first wife as it was) so, yea, i think she is right.. the time is come, and you need to show her you are ready for that kind of binding and that you are not going to back out of it to go back to your first wife...
2007-03-24 23:59:10 · answer #8 · answered by mrs.contreras 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's right. You have been engaged to her for 5 years, you have a child by her and you are still married to your ex? Omg she is a saint for even beeing with you still. If you arnt ready to get married now, after five years of being engaged then maybe its time for her to move on and find someone whom is ready to step upto the plate and be a man about things instead of making lame excuses about why he shouldnt get married yet. That's pathetic.
2007-03-24 23:52:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you get some couples counseling. It's not just for married people. It could help you both decide what you really want and see if she will ever really forgive you. Why aren't you divorced yet? 5 years would push anyone's patience. I wouldn't trust you either.
2007-03-24 23:52:51 · answer #10 · answered by Kuji 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋