I'm 25 and going to become a parent. Can someone help me?

Question

I just turned 25. And my fiance (who is 21) and me are going to be having a baby.

This isnt my first child, I was robbed of the experience of being a dad by my ex who kicked me out before the baby was born, and doesnt want me to have anything to do with the baby.

And now that I have this one on the way, I'm not sure how to feel, or what I feel.

I'm actualy going to be part of this childs life. I'm actualy going to be able to be a Dad.

And while I'm excited, as I said, I'm confused as to how I should feel, or what to do. I'm lost, and I'm unsure of what I'm supposed to do.

Are these feelings normal? Am I screwed up?

I would realy like an answer, or a best answer to this, because it's getting close to baby time, and I want to be able to be the best Dad I can be.

But not knowing how I feel on this has realy gotten me depressed.

Please help!

Just a little backdrop to the other child. According to Ohio law, if a parent has not established paternal rights within a year, he forfeits such paternal rights. And unfortunately, I was unaware of such a thing, and I had tried to save money to be able to gain parental joint custody of my other child. But by the time I had done so, the year had gone by. My ex purposefully made sure I was left out of this bit of info, and then, when the day arrived called me and bragged. I am looking into legal routes to fix this, and I am fighting for this. But it all seems to be like it's a losing battle. But that is another story.

Answer 1

There is a concept called "duty" that is sadly lacking in current thinking. The gist is that once you have caused a child to come into this world, your life really isn't about you or your feelings anymore, it is about your responsibility to this child and the feelings of the child. Nothing to be depressed over, or worry about. Just a clear vision of your mission.

You obviously mean well. The best thing you can do for your kid(s) is talk to them, listen to them, set a good example for them by demonstrating the values that are important to you (hard work, education, that sort of thing), take them seriously--be willing to say "I don't know" when you don't know and help them find a good answer.

Never treat your kids as though they are fragile or helpless. Teach them how to deal with every situation. If you are not afraid, they won't be either.

Take them everywhere: plays, museums, factories, parks, lectures, concerts, trains, the hardware store, the thrift store, a military base, to watch the space shuttle launch, to watch the stars, to universities. Do not expect them to be appreciative. You are planting seeds that will take years to grow. Make their world as big as you can. But also make sure that they are planted on solid ground and have lots of good social supports: church, family, friends, community groups. Make as few big changes as possible during their childhood. Love and respect their mother.

The only part of this that isn't a couple of years down the road is the love and respect the mother part. That starts now. And the best way to love her is to be absolutely honest with yourself, and her, about whether you are willing to remain married to her for the rest of your life. Do not reach the conclusion people want to hear. Reach the real answer. If you do not want to spend the rest of your life with this woman tell her now. Think and act for the long run, not just for the next 15 minutes. The sooner you establish a relationship (however minimal) that will endure the decades necessary for raising a child, the greater chance you are giving your child for stability.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

Yes your feelings are absolutely normal. Fear can be a very healthy feeling and can be the motivator that helps you to be a great dad. I too have lost a child do to the world not being fair. Nothing is ever promised to us in this life. What is most important when children are involved is to learn selflessness. Being a parent changes everything and life becomes a new beginning of joys and sorrows for a tiny little being that will teach you many things about yourself. There truly is no greater joy. As to how you should feel. Feel confident and strong allow your heart to lead you, but always keep your motives pure. There are no ruel books only guides along the way to teach you how to be a good nurturer. There are days that raising my three year old leave me sad, happy, confused, suprised, enlightened, angry, exhausted, frightened, hopeful, happy and the list goes on and on. I've felt every emotion known to woman kind in the last 3 years. Acceptance and perserveirance are the answers to all of my questions. There is no right or wrong answers really, just allow yourself to be patien and kind. Take things one day at a time and talk with other parents for ideas. Stay positive and remember that nothing happens in this world by chance. You will be a great parent!

Answer 3

Everything will fall into place as soon as the baby is born. I went through the same thing, but I didn't have as much time to worry as I thought b/c my son was born 2 months prematurely. You learn very quickly that you can handle situations that you never thought you could. The pride and joy of being a father is one of the most amazing things in the world. But every day you'll have ups and downs as a parent. It's a very demanding job, but one that I wouldn't trade for the world. Just relax. The great thing is that babies are very resilient. You'll make tons of mistakes - we all do. But you'll learn together. And for most things in parenting (despite the tons of opinions you'll hear), there is no real RIGHT way of doing things. You find out what works for you and your family.

Enjoy the ride - I'm sure you'll be just fine!

Answer 4

You should feel happy, excited, scared, anxious and nervous. If you put your heart into it you can become a great dad. I would also fight the mother of your other child and try to see him or her. It is not fair to your first child that you are going to be a dad to the other. By all means I am not saying do not be a dad to your new child but you should also at least try to be a part of your first child's life. I am not judging you and all of your feeling are normal and when the baby comes it will all fall into place.

Answer 5

I think once the baby is born all those feelings will subside. You are in a anticipation and anxiety mode right now, just the part of being a parent is enough, but you may be scared that youll lose this child too. Once you see your new son or daughter, you will be overcome with happiness, and youll be more exited to be this childs dad.

Answer 6

I feel your feelings are just normal, anyone in ur place can have the same feelings... Congrates!! I hope you enjoy each and every momemt..

One more thing as you are going to have one more child, than why do you want to fight for ur first child.. let it be with ex wife, as now you already have a responsibility of your new baby.. see that you complete it properly and then time is the gud and best healer... it will have its own things for you

Answer 7

I too am a 25 yr old father. I have two girls and what your feeling is something I have felt alot of. What ever you do you can't panic because if you really want to be there for that child no one will stop you if you don't pose any threat to the child. My wife tried to keep me away from my kids plenty but I stayed around anyway. As for being a good father just tell them you love it everyday and mean it and the rest works itself out.

Answer 8

My husband was scared to death. He had never even held a newborn and the first words out of his mouth were "we don't have a college fund". He was so scared and sort of negative about the baby. It took time but he is our daughters whole world. I just supply food for her but it's Daddy she follows around the house. You'll do a good job because you care. You will make mistakes and have trouble. My hus band has moments that he has no idea what to do and has to call me for help but he always has a hug or cuddle ready and he couldn't be doing a better job. YOu will do a great job. Just love your little one.

Answer 9

My husband felt the same way... everything you are thinking and feeling will all go away once the baby is in your arms. Our only/first baby is 19 months old... everything just fell into place with her. We both just knew what to do with her and we knew it was best for us. It will all work out... and you will be a great Dad as long as you want to be. Children have unconditional love.

Answer 10

well, everyone is different--but just make sure you are 'there' for her during the pregnancy & the first few months to help with baby.
when baby gets here your feelings of wanting to be a good dad may totally change -and turn into feelings of stress, anxiety or any number of things.
just take it one day at a time is my best advice--dont think too much about the future, enjoy your new baby when he or she gets here
& good luck!! as to what you are supposed to do--it will come naturally as soon as you see that tiny baby for the first time :-)