My fiance has a three year old. I love her but she has problems with behavier. Her daycare has had alot of problems with her. Her mother calls for advise because she can't control her. She is very bossy, throws bad fits, hits, screams, very defiant and not a very loving child. Her mother is in theropy and he wants to start seeing the child. He (my fiance) is completely blind to the fact that his child lacks structure. I try to talk to him but he gets defensive and says because I don't have children of my own I shouldn't say anything. Maybe a few of you agree with him. I don't have children of my own but I am a certified Child Care Provider.
2007-03-24 16:17:38 · 6 answers · asked by Lyric 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Being a Child Care Provider taught me that children do go through what is known as "The Terrible Twos" that should be expected at age two. Also we learned about behavier problems, some are caused by ADD or ADHD, things of that manor. Another reason children, even at 3 or 4 have problems as she does, can be caused by the parents. If a child doesn't learn from the get go who is the child and who is the parent and what bad and good behavier is they will be harder to control the longer it goes on. Parents who don't want to take the time to punish their children correctly, effectivley, and consistantly or just think maybe that yelling at them or just telling them to stop and when the child doesn't listen there are no consequences only hurts the child in the long run. I don't think you should spank your child over every little thing but I do firmly believe that you must show them that you are in control or eventually they will KNOW they are.
2007-03-24 17:06:08 · update #1
I really should have worded my question different. All I want to do is help him realize that some things she does she needs to be corrected on. I am not saying to him she is a brat or trying to get him to say it. I don't talk to him about this constantly mostly when the ex calls for advise or when he has had to talk to the teachers at the daycare because she has been in trouble. I just want him to realize that letting a child do as they please may make him feel like the good guy but in the end it will be more trouble than it's worth and that she won't love him any less if he does punish her. It will hurt her in the long run to just let her go on doing what she wants. I really care about the well being and future of this child.
2007-03-24 17:53:25 · update #2
It sounds like your fiance is like most parents these days. I'm a preschool teacher, and parents these days seem to think that loving your kid means letting them choose to do whatever they want. HELLLLLOOOOO!!!!! Would you let them drive?? So why are they allowed to decide when they will and will not behave? I'm sorry to say it, but parents like that cannot be swayed. He will stay defensive because it is his inabilities as a parent that he is scared of facing. You can do your part . In my class, we ignore attention seeking negative behaviour and replace it with constant praise for positive behaviour. Makes sense huh? Just inform her, in front of her dad also, that you cannot understand her screams and crying, and that when she has words, maybe you will be able to understand her then. She is being done a great injustice, and you cannot perpetuate this any longer, for her sake. She needs to learn about being a citizen before she enters school.
2007-03-24 16:29:49 · answer #1 · answered by Aquagrrl98 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would say it's normal. As a child care provider you should know that 2-4 year olds like to test their boundaries and have poor impulse/emotional control. She might be acting out because her little short 3 year life has been rather chaotic. Her parents split, her Mom's in therapy and Dad has a new girlfriend. Can you blame the poor thing. Sounds like she hardly has any stability.
You shouldn't be trying to convince your boyfriend that his daughter "isn't an angel". He has a point. It's one thing to be a child care provider, but it's a completely different thing when it's your child someone is criticizing.
2007-03-24 23:58:41 · answer #2 · answered by Haulie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will never be able to convince him of that. Not because you don't have children of your own, but because he's not your child. There's a form of loyalty there between a single parent and the child. It's not against you, it just doesn't include you. I understand your dilemma, but the best thing to do is let him be the parent. If it's so bad that it could interfere with your relationship, you should discuss this with his dad and try agree on a compromise that you both could live with.
2007-03-26 03:58:11 · answer #3 · answered by cilsavon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well as a child care provider you should realize that kids are normaly defiant rowdy and will constantly test limits.as a mother of a 4 year old and a nine month old i can tell you everything they may have taught you is not enough.when you do have kids of your own there will be days you feel like you are going nuts.and since daddy is getting ddefensive then by all means reevaluate your approach amke sure you do not sound stand offish or like you are trying to preach cause after all his daughter is his little princess.
2007-03-24 23:29:40 · answer #4 · answered by dragonlover17814 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Shes just a child, i'm sure shes been goin through a lot. give her a break, and what are u expecting ur fiance to do about that? shes HIS child and he wil alwayz put his daughter before u.
2007-03-25 02:42:55 · answer #5 · answered by PinkDiamond♥ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
make him spend an entire day with just her
2007-03-25 00:08:56 · answer #6 · answered by squeaker 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋