break up with him? or no? his mom is crazy...?

Question

okay so ive been dating this guy for about 5 months now. His mom hates me, alot. It all started when my bf's littler brother heard a rumor about me at school (that me X-friend started) saying i had sex with my last boyfriend at the church... hahah
But his mom believed it and told her son not to see me anymore. She's been off and on wether she likes me or not. She has kicked him out of the house a few times (hes back now) , grounded him from everything, and yells at him everyday.
She even calls me to tell me to leave him alone. and she asked all these parents and teachers about me. and for example.. a few nights ago he texted me at 3 am saying 'i love you' and i texted him back around 5 whenever i woke up and said 'i love you too' and his mom found his phone and called me saying i woke the entire family up and im ruining their lives and stuff. his life at home is hell now. and i feel like its my fault.

he doesn't want to break up.
he says he'll feel worse.
..what do i do?

she also does stuff like yesterday at track

i was calling my mom and she stood right behind me talking to another parents screaming and was like

"IM NOT GOING TO SAY THIS TO HER, BUT I HOPE SHE HEARS ME" and kinda nudged my back and was like "IF SHE DOESNT LEAVE MY SON ALONE, IM TAKING HIM OUT OF THIS SCHOOL AND SHE'LL NEVER SEEM HIM AGAIN"

and since my parents told me to ignore her. because she calls all the time and finds me and yells at me almost everyday. so i just walked away. and she got mad at my boyfriend for it saying i was 'disrespectful' because i just left..

ah, sorry.
also..

he has said that he doesn't want to live anymore. and tonight i told him maybe we should just break up to make it easier on him at home and stuff

and he said if i break up with him, he'd really have nothing to live for and i cant.

yah. i've talked to her before.
she just starts screaming.

my boyfriend has talked to her also. she still claims that his unhappiness is my fault, not hers. and she's doing nothing wrong.

and whenever she use to call my house
my step-dad (whose a lawyer) called her and told her she needs to stop and she can't keep calling me and finding me to yell at me and stuff.

also, she says my family is screwed up because theres been a divorce. she hates everything about me. i've tried everything.

i just don't want to break up with him
and him be worse off. i care about him

yah. this is her oldest son.
she has 4 more to go after him.

and i am a good kid.
i get straight As (and she blames his bad grades on me)
and idk, i don't really do anything bad..

i don't understand

Answer 1

You did not say how old you are. If you are in high school, you can do one of two things, you can pretend to breakup and just make sure that he always calls you and you never call him, or text him. His mom sounds like she is going to be a pain in his butt for the rest of his life. I know because I dated, and then married a man who has a mom just like the crazy lady that you are describing. These kind of judgmental people stay that way. They like to think that they are pure and that they don't sin.I don't know if she proclaims to be a Christan but, If she was a true Christian, she would love you for who you are and she would not buy into gossip.Your second options is, If she is a Christian, she should get to know you and if she sees that you are struggling with sin in your life , she should try to help you , NOT JUDGE YOU. I think that you should confront her and tell her that what she heard was gossip, and knowing that she is a Christian, she would Never believe gossip, since the Bible does not condone any form of gossip. Tell her that you know that she would never act inappropriately , by passing on gossip and judging people. Some times people like that just need to have their sins be kindly pointed out to them and then offer her forgiveness. DO NOT EVER be intimidated by the bag! Let her know that you are not affraid of her, because you have not done any thing wrong. If you and your boyfriend are close to 18 then he should get a job and leave mom behind in the dust, she needs to be told that this is his life and you are his choice. He needs to tell her that he loves her but does not like her actions and until she learns to respect the people that he loves, he will not be able to let her be a part of his life. He will need to get a good education if he wants to be successful in life so if they are paying for his education, he may just not tell her who he is dating or anything about his life. If he keeps her out of his life she may get the message and shape up, but some of these women are so crazy that this is a life style of theirs and they are unable to change, or unwilling to change. I know that having a in-law like this can be trying on a relationship, so you will have to make up your mind to either not let her get to you, or never go over there and don't talk to her. Your boyfriend will have to decide how he is going to handle MAMA. Dump him if you are not strong. Because she will live to make your life tough. If you love him and want to stay with him, be prepared to have a very tough life if he lets her be a part of your life as a family. I would run. She sounds like a Royal Bi***! Life is too short to be bothered by someone like her. You could also have your boyfriend live with you, I know of a lot of situations that this works out.

Answer 2

I guess this all boils down to for you...how much you love him. I mean, if you love him as much as he appears to love you than you need to stick this out.

Although, this may be something you've tried before. You should try sitting down with her and talking to her. Maybe she's just protective over her child and doesn't want him to get hurt. The things she does suggests that she way way way over-protective. And perhaps your boyfriend needs to have words with her as well and just tell her that you're in love. And listening to 'rumours' isn't really helping any future relationship between yourself and her.

You're in a hard situation, love. And finding a correct solution for this problem is going to be hard for you. You could approach her with your parents as well. It might seem alittle invention like. But things can't get any worse than they are.

You didn't really say how old you were, maybe she has issues with her son being in a relationship at such a young age? She could be strongly religious and not believe in sex without marriage or something similliar. And she worries after hearing that stuff you'll corrupt him. This is what I mean about talking to her one on one. Show you can be mature and be CALM about it. I can't stress that enough. You need to be level headed with her. And just tell her the honest to god truth.

She does sound alittle nutty though, so perhaps she won't even listen.

Good luck though. All you can do is try.

Answer 3

Are you happy now? Do you think it will change?
I presume you know that if you marry this guy Mom is part of the package. She will be in your life forever and she will hate you forever. You can ask all those miserable, divorced, and sad women that thought everything will work itself out and one day she will see I`m really a nice person.
You will be blamed for all problems in her sons life and she will rule you and your happiness from behind the scenes. Even if you and your guy move far away. He would have to give up his entire family, Brothers, Father, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents in order to protect you from her and he won`t.
That sounds like a wonderful life for you and your children, her grandchildren( the forever connection).

Run for your life.

Glad you asked

Answer 4

I am an older and wiser woman now so I do believe I can give you this advice.
It is time for you to say good-bye, and get out as fast as you can. I know you must love him a lot now, but you are young, and you will have men in and out of your life, some good ones, and some bad ones. It is not wroth it, fighting his whole family go find someone that the family will except you as one of there own you are deserving of that.
I feel that no matter whom this young man brings home to meet his family they will never be excepted they are a bad lot all around, you are better off with out all that drama.

Answer 5

Talk about dysfunctional. Give her the number to the Jerry Springer show because I think she would make a great guest on the show. What a mess. Maybe you could show her the answers you get to this question to give her a clue just how nuts she is. I just cant help wondering what kind of long term damage she is doing to her so called beloved son. He'll need therapy for the rest of his life.

Answer 6

well it seems like this relationship will go nowhere if you can't get along with his mom but if he hasn't broke up with you yet its because he doesn't care what anyone thinks and he's willing to do anything for you....which is a good thing.....i think you're gonna have to talk seriously with his mom and clear things up and tell her that whatever she heard is not true and to stop getting between you guys...she already lived her life and i'm sure she did some pretty crazy things in her life time so who is she to judge you...let her know that by doing what she's doing she's only gonna cause her son to back away from her and leave somewhere far a way......that lady seriously has issues though

Answer 7

I'd move to the institution counselor---or perhaps, greater but, the Community Mental Health Agency. They'd take a look at remedy, however she most of the time would not move. If you would, it might be greater to are living in a organization house, wherein you'll have supervision and help and different children within the equal boat. Do you might have a Dad to are living with? Or another relative? You have got to have a nontoxic sane atmosphere to are living in; be aware of your education and coaching for making it in lifestyles in your possess!

Answer 8

I guess it would depend on how much longer he has to live at home. Sounds like someone is really carrying tells (gossip), you need to find out who is doing it and expose them. If you can get that through his mom things might work out, unless she is the gossip. Doesn't sound like the kind of family a person would want to get connected with, but if you really love the guy then he will leave his family for you if they are the root of the problem and if he doesn't then you don't want him.
Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

his mom is insane. try asking your parents if they'll let him live with you. she's obviously making his life miserable when you're not there. It's horrible for a parent to threaten to take their child out of school because of the girl he's seeing. She's just insane. If he's been kicked out before, chances are, she'll do it again. So run it by your parents asking if he can stay with you if he's ever in any trouble. Because he'll need a place to go.

Answer 10

Unfortunately his mom is way to controlling. Hearing rumor about you getting basted at the church didn't help much but this is going to be an ongoing battle unless you can one day show up at his house and sit down with his mom and talk it all out.