My best guy friend is in love with me and I am still dealing with the ex. The ex broke it off with me in June of 2006 and we both parted ways and dated others. Now we are back in each other's lives and I wanted to work things out but he is telling me that he only really wants to have sex(for the most part). I asked him today if he would want to ever get married, he said no. My best friend would do anything for me and cares tremendously about me. I am just confused and saddened by the ex....any words from the wise would be appreciated. Thanks.
2007-03-24 16:11:44 · 27 answers · asked by TextnQueen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ditch the ex and get with the friend
2007-03-24 16:14:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want to be in a relationship? Are you in it for fulfilling your sexual desires, or are you looking for a more meaningful relationship. From your post, it sounded like you were interested in a more meaningful relationship. I know it can be hard getting over an ex, but going out with someone who truely cares about you is way more fulfilling than anything sexual from you ex. Honestly, you need to move past your ex. Not an easy task, i know, but you will be much happier. Also consider the fact that sometimes if the break-up is a harder one than normal (because of cheating, etc) then it can be even harder to get over an ex. Also make sure you consider what you would do if things didn't work out between you and your best friend. Would you stay friends? Would you move on past each other? Sorry, this has gotten long, but I hope it helps some
2007-03-24 16:20:12 · answer #2 · answered by squirrelz_15 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off realize that as much as you may still like or love your ex he's not a great guy. He's basically saying he wants to use you and no woman on earth deserves that. But tell your best friend that you just need some time to get over your ex and then take that time. Distract yourself, stay busy, hang out with people who don't talk about him or know him all too well. Then once you feel better about it decide what you want to do from there with your best friend. Just don't rush into something with your friend cause than it could be more of a rebound without either one of you realizing it until too late. If he cares for you he'll give you some time. Good luck and even though it's tough hope it all works out okay
2007-03-24 16:16:45 · answer #3 · answered by blessed mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go back to your ex if all he wants is sex as you still have feelings for him and will only get hurt when he truly moves on to another girl and starts a real relationship. You need to think of yourself as more than a sexual release for him, yes it may be good but you are worth so much more than that. Your friend you say loves you and will do anything for you but are you willing to cross that boundary? You need to weigh that question up and see what answer you get, what if it doesn't work do you think you's could still be friends. Mind you my sis in law has been best mates with a guy for over 10 years and has always looked past him and now finally they are giving it a go. Who knows you better than him? Good luck and please stay away from the ex he will only break your heart.
2007-03-24 16:21:37 · answer #4 · answered by jimmy_chick78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that if you and your ex got back together that it would be just for sex and nothing else as he has expressed that he does not want you for anything more then that. Your friend on the other hand wants you for you and wants to start a serious relationship and wants to be part of your life and respect you for your opinions and decisions. Why settle for less when you can settle for more then just sex, after all life is not about sex, it is about being you and finding that special someone to spend the rest of your life with. Realize that what you and your ex had is no longer anymore and that he does not really want you, you have an opportunity don't let him go because of what your ex is saying, if you want to be happy then start something with your friend and see what happens from there.
2007-03-24 16:20:57 · answer #5 · answered by gordonflames242003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its apparent that your friend loves you, but you are truly seeing him as a friend. Your feelings for the ex are still mixed, but if you checked your self-esteem, you'll see that you aren't taking into account how horrible he is treating you.
If you had a daughter and she had a boyfriend who point blank told her that all she was to him was a sex object with no intent on loving the rest of her nor marrying her, what would you tell her?
The thing is, you sound like you are flirting with the idea that you'll let the "friend" into your life thinking he will be something special just to payback the ex; this would be really mean, and put you at the bottom rung of the food-chain, just like your crummy ex sounds. Be bigger than that and don't hurt this poor guy who has a crush on you.
2007-03-24 16:25:52 · answer #6 · answered by OPTIMIST 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from me that has had this same situation. First of all if your ex point blank said all he wanted was sex from you and does not ever plan on marrying you, then why would you want to waste another second with him. I know its hard, when you love someone so much, you would give your right arm. But honey you just have to open your eyes, and if your bestfriend really cares for you, then heck just try it, you never know what may come out of it. Just start off in the beginning saying that no matter what happens with yalls relationship, that you want to remain bestfriends, if it doesnt work out, with no hard feelings...Easier said than done. I had a bestfriend that felt things for me that I just did not him but I did try. He was a good kisser though..hehe, but anyways we still remain in contact even still. So just try it, and kick that other asshole to the curb. Do him and yourself a favor. He doesnt deserve you. And he will realize what an *** he has been. Good luck!
2007-03-24 16:17:40 · answer #7 · answered by Just Me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey sweety, I've been in a very similar situation. It's really hard to say. How do you feel about this friend of yours? Is he someone you want and/or could see yourself with? Do you genuinely think you'll get what you want and need from your Ex? If you can't get more from your Ex, will just having a sexual relationship with this person be enough? There are a lot of things you have to sit down and consider. I know this isn't a very definite answer, but maybe it will help in giving you something to consider.
2007-03-24 16:17:45 · answer #8 · answered by M. V. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems we are driven to pursue that which eludes us. Your ex is only interested in satisfying his urges. That's not love. In essence he has rejected you. Of course you want to prove him wrong and win him back. The thing is, he will never love you and he will never provide what you really want... someone to really care for you.
Your best friend on the other hand is already yours. You know he cares deeply for you and he will not abandon you. Nothing for you to worry about with him, he's already hooked. Right? He would be happy to just be able to care for you even if you only cast him an affectionate glance every now and then. Right? But the thing is he would provide what you are really longing for... respect, love, and genuine affection. Don't you know how truly rare that is?
I would recommend you let the jerk ex go find a concubine to satisfy his "manly" urges since that is all he's interested in (he is no "man").
Take another look at your best friend. The guy is in love with you. He'll care for you and take care of you. All he wants is your love. He'll open the door for you and make sure you're safe and warm and provide everything he can for you. Give him a chance. Let him prove himself to you. He is what you are looking for and what you want. Just give him a chance.
Call him now, please.
2007-03-24 16:53:18 · answer #9 · answered by AK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you should just end it with your ex. In the end he's just going to hurt you again. I've been there, so I know what I'm talking about. If you have feelings for your best guy friend then go ahead and give it a try. He might be the one you've been looking for all along. If you don't have feelings for him though, maybe you should still date other men, or just be alone for awhile to figure out what you really want and deserve.
2007-03-24 16:20:15 · answer #10 · answered by mixed_mami_206 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For now I'd honestly go with neither.
The EX sounds like a jerk. As hard as it is, you will only be hurt from going back with him. If you are looking for some sort of relationship/commitment and he's just looking for sex then it will not work, even if the sex is phenomenal. If you were also just looking for sex then I'd say go for it, but not if you're wanting more...you'll just be setting yourself up for the fall.
The friend is your friend and will give you the deeper aspects you're looking for. However, I'd recommend holding off on starting something up with the friend until you are as over and done with your ex as possible. If you're going to risk starting something with your friend then you owe it to the both of you to go in with as clean a slate as possible (otherwise you may just be gambling with a great friendship if you test those waters and aren't ready).
2007-03-24 16:23:59 · answer #11 · answered by Critter Rocks 1014 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋