No I'm not jealous I'm not bitter or anything like that... I also fear that my son will be neglected. The dad and gf have many parties with alcohol and drugs involved, and the people that go to these parties are sometimes gang members. The father is not in a gang though. I want the dad to see his son... I just want it to be under supervision. I am trying to act like an adult, but everytime I try to talk to the father the girlfriend tells me that he doesn't want to talk to me because he hates me. Shes also told me that the dad "hates the fact that my son is his son too"
2007-03-24 16:10:12 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD VISIT THEIR HOME! It is your job as a Mother to protect your child. You need to tell your ex why you won't let him see his child unless it is at your residence. If your ex wants to see and cares about the well being of his child, he will make other arrangements to see his child and understand that his safety is the issue at hand.
2007-03-24 16:15:34 · answer #1 · answered by Nunya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By acting as an adult you have done the right thing. It is a very hard thing to be a single parent and someday you may find help in raising this child. Another very safe decision on your part was to keep the child away from such a hazardous environment at two years old.
As you said earlier, you are ot bitter or jealous, and I believe you. Realize though that the girlfriend, from the looks of it, probably is jealous...in reverse. In other words she is protective and bitter at the moment (even if she might usually have a more pleasant personality).
My advice to you is this: Persevere in trying to contact the father. Don't get me wrong---It will be hard, and maybe painful but do it for your love of the child (I'm really glad that you did not abort the child ^.^). No matter what, never stop loving the child, even if the dad pretends that he hates him/her, even if the girlfriend hates it. Love the child and be thankful for especially on the hard days, you know? Also, i'm not sure if the father left you before or after he knew you were pregnant but, I think he still has a heart...somewhere.
keep trying (for you and the baby!)
Love always and I hope things work out
I wish you the best and I'll pray for you (and the baby :)
2007-03-24 16:26:49 · answer #2 · answered by Be 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....this is between you and the father of the child. So you need not talk to her about the issue. I would suggest that you have proof of these parties that they contain drugs and alcohol.....and pics of the gang members......so that in the future you will have this info. in case he pushes the issue with visitation. If the father does not want anything to do with the child...then don't push it, one day he may come around and want to...but right now the child is just too young to be left with him. You are absoutly correct in that you do not want the baby over there. But for the childs safety, she/he does not need to be there. Plus it sounds as though the GF has a problem with you....sounds as though she may be jealous, and I ceretainly would not leave the child in her care, there is no telling what she may do. You need to talk to the father alone to find out exactly what he has said, and that in the future you will only speak to him directly. I would also not push for child support....this will cause him to seek visitation....and it sounds as though it is a very unsafe enviroment for any child of any age. It is for this reason that I say get the proof of the enviroment there, so that you can prove to the court how unsafe it really is.....you can also inform the police the next time a party is scheduled, and that the home is suspected of having drugs and gang members....and arrest of this nature will help you as well....just make sure that you get a copy of the police report when time comes if he seeks visitation and or custody.
Keep your own self clean and out of trouble. Children learn by example....they learn and imulate what they see. So how you behave and words and things they see you do....they will think that the behavior is ok too, and do the very same thing. Take really good care of yourself and your baby. Remember he/she always comes first now.
2007-03-24 16:26:24 · answer #3 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm really sorry that you're in this situation. It must be really stressful and hard. Its my understanding that without a court order (assuming that you and the father aren't married) he isn't legally entitled to visitation until the time he files. SoOo..if there isn't a court order then you have nothing to worry about by legally denying visitation. Although letting your fingers do the walking and finding an attorney with free or low cost initial consultations is HIGHLY recommended, even just to understand your options.
Secondly, if you're attempting to try to push visitation on him I warn you, its going to be a really hard battle, and realistically you can't force someone to be a dad. If he's allowing his girlfriend to dictate your co-parenting relationship then quite frankly he's really not that commited to being a father (and this is coming from a stepmama, who had no biokids of her own when she met her now hubby).
And on the other hand if he's sometimes interested in seeing the baby, and sometimes not, I think that its ok for you to set boundaries and insist on stability for your baby. Your child is only 2 months old. Realistically if your baby's father filed for visitation at this point its likely that he would get maybe a couple of hours here and there throughout the week, and it wouldn't be at all unheard of for those hours to be supervised (although, maybe not supervised by you), on a graduated basis. However, he would have to be committed to the idea of fatherhood..because filing for custody or visitation etc. isn't an easy or cheap thing to do. From my experience I don't think that you have a lot to worry about. Do what you need to do to keep that baby boy safe.
Just my 2 cents. GL!
2007-03-24 16:22:02 · answer #4 · answered by bresmama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like they don't want to come around so why worry about that? You do need to prove paternity (if necessary), file papers for child support and when you go to court, explain things to the judge and the visits (if there will be any) will be in the best interest of that little one. The judge is there to see that the child gets the money needed to be cared for, the parenting needed for guidance, and to do what it takes to keep that baby out of harms way. Do it all legally and you will have no problem that the law won't be willing and able to respond to. Congratulations! You have all the love that little one needs right now. Spend your energy on that!
2007-03-24 16:17:35 · answer #5 · answered by enjoyrselves 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to talk to an attorney. You certainly don't want your child around drugs. There's no telling what would happen to him. Talk to a lawyer soon and find out what you can do. If the dad "hates" the fact that you have his son then he doesn't have any business seeing him anyway. It sounds like he doesn't want to see him.
2007-03-24 16:16:20 · answer #6 · answered by buzzbait0u812 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you are trying to do the right thing for your child for letting his dad see his child, but you have to think of your child like you are doing and don't let him. if he wants to see his child. ask your lawyer who did the custody , to set it up as a supervision. and tell them the reason why you don't want your child there because of the parties, and drugs that are going on, and you don't want your child there. and if he doesn't want to talk to you. then I guess he doesn't want to see his son. you are acting like an adult, he is the one who is acting like a child. I hope everything turns out okay for you. you deserve some happiness in your life. and you don't need them in it. good luck.
2007-03-24 16:18:23 · answer #7 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't force him to see your son, and if you did your son will feel pained because of that. I was forced to see my mother when my parents got divorced, mainly so she could convince her mother (my grandmother) that she was doing well. I cried every time because I knew it wasn't really me she was interested in and it made me feel worse then when I didn't see her.
You just might want to consider this with your son's case, especially if his dad is doing things like that...It probably isn't something you'd want to expose him to. As hard as it is to be a single parent, it may be better to leave his dad and relations alone. If they contact you about your son, that's great but a forced relationship is a really horrible thing.
I hope this can help you.
2007-03-24 16:17:21 · answer #8 · answered by Dan-Bi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would personally refuse to talk to the gf. The decisions regarding your son are between you and him and it sounds like she just wants to screw things up. No one can force you to deal with her. Thats the fathers job. If he refuses to speak to you then he can't plan outings with his son. He needs to be an adult. I'd contact a lawyer if your concerned about your sons well being while with him especially if your son is too young to vocalize.
2007-03-24 16:31:08 · answer #9 · answered by CHRISTINE S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not wait until they both grow up a little. Everything you described about them is extremely immature and subjecting your son to that kind of attitude and behavior wouldn't be any good for him. What a role model his dad would be for him right now?
Hopefully, if they grow up, you can introduce your son to them then. Let go for now, and don't even allow them into your space.
2007-03-24 16:20:57 · answer #10 · answered by Plexed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not force anyone to be a parent. If they do not want to spend time with your son do not make them. If he wants to be a dad let him come to you and his son on his own. If the behavior while the child is there is unacceptable don't put your child at risk
2007-03-24 16:15:47 · answer #11 · answered by Denise R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋