Does anyone know any good blonde jokes?

Question

im a blonde and i think theyre freakin hilarious!!

Answer 1

A blonde guy, Mexican guy, and Irish guy, were all sitting on a scaffold next to a tall building eating lunch. The Mexican guy says, " If I have 1 more burrito for lunch, I will jump to my death." The Irish guy says, "If I have 1 more cabbage roll I will jump to my death." The blonde guy says, "If I have 1 more bologna sandwich, I will jump to my death." The next day the Mexican guy opens his lunchbox and sees a burrito so he jumps to his death. The Irish guy opens his lunchbox and sees a cabbage roll so he jumps to his death. The blonde guy opens his lunchbox and sees a bologna sandwich so he jumps to his death. At the funeral,the three wives were standing around the tombstones. The Mexican guy's wife says, "If I'd known he disliked burritos so much, I would have made him a taco instead." The Irish guy's wife says, "If I'd known he disliked cabbage rolls so much, I would have made him corned beef and cabbage instead." The blonde guy's wife said, "Don't look at me, he makes his own lunch."



There was a magic mirror and if you lied to it you disappeared.

A redhead went up to it and said, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world," and she disappeared.

Then a brunette went up to it and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world," and she disappeared.

Finally a blonde girl went up to it and said, "I think..." and disappeared.



Three mother's; a blonde, a redhead and a brunette are sitting down drinking coffee. The brunette says "I went into my daughters bedroom the other day and I found some alcohol, I can't believe she's drinking". The redhead says "I went into my daughters bedroom the other day and I found some fags, I can't believe she's smoking". Then the blonde says "I went into my daughters room the other day and I found a condom, I can't believe she has a penis!".



A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but
she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune . . . the Supermarket manager sees her and shuts the horse off.


One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all driving in a car when the car crashed. Minutes later they appeared up in heaven.

God says to them "Ahead are 100 stairs, at each stair you will be told a joke, if you laugh you will take the one way train to Hell, if you remain silent, you will continue on. If you make it to the top, you will stay in Heaven."

So the brunette started up the stairs. At the 55th stair she laughed, and was sent abroad the train to hell.

The redhead started to climb but laughed at the 79th stair and got on the train to Hell.

The blonde started up and made it to the 100th stair. She paused, then began laughing non stop. Shocked, God asked her why she had laughed. Still laughing she replied, "I finally got the first joke!"



There are five of my favorites, hope you liked them!

Answer 2

A blond down on her luck decided to kidnap a child and demand ransom. She went to a local park and grabbed a kid. She wrote a note saying "Put $10,000 in a brown paper bag and leave it at the flag pole by 7 a.m. tomorrow" and signed it "The Blond". She pinned it on the boy's shirt and sent him home.

The next morning she found the bag with $10,000 and a note saying "It was hard to believe that a blond would really do this to another blond.".

OK One more try: a brunette is running along a railroad track pumping her arms and saying in rhythm "21...21...21..." A blond noticed what she was doing and began striding beside her with the same 21 chant.

A train suddenly came from a tunnel and the brunette stepped off the track and the blond was totally demolished.

The brunette started jogging again in the same cadence, now saying "22...22...22..."...

Answer 3

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory?
Because she threw away all the Ws.

How do you keep a blond busy?
Write "look on other side," on a piece of paper.

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

Hope you enjoyed these!

Answer 4

A blonde is walking past an appliance store and sees a T.V. she wants to buy, so she walks in and ask the salesman how much for the tv. The salesmans says sorry miss we dont sell to blondes. So the woman leaves but decides that she really wants the tv so she goes back in ask could she the buy the tv and once again the man says we dont sell to blondes. The lady is upset but she decides she is going to trick the salesman so she goes and buys a brunette wig and goes back into the store and once again the man says we dont sell to blondes. confused the woman ask how do you know I am a blonde. The man says thats not a tv it is a microwave.

Answer 5

Superman, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde are locked in a room with 20$. Who gets the money?

The dumb blonde... The other two don't exist.

Answer 6

What do u call a smart blond? A golden retriever.

What do u do if a blond throws a grenade at u? Pull the pin and throw it back.

Answer 7

Q: What's the brunettes' mating call?

A: Have all the blondes left yet?

Answer 8

The Blonde Joke to end all Blonde Jokes!

A blond calls her boyfriend and begs him to come over and help her with a jigsaw puzzle.He asked what's it supposed to be and she replys, a tiger. The boyfriend arrives and starts to talk to his girlfriend...

BF:Ummmm, honey, how about we just get a cup of tea and relax?
GF:I WANT TO FINISH THIS PUZZLE! IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!
BF:WELL I WANT YOU TO HAVE A CUP OF TEA AND RELAX!
GF:FINE! THEN! *starts to walk off*
BF:Hey honey, let's put the Frosted Flakes away first!

Answer 9

a blonde a brunette and a redhead all die and to get to heaven They have to climb up a 100 step staircase and on each step God asks them a joke and if they laugh they have to go back to the first step. the brunette gets to the 77th step then laughs. the redhead gets to the 83rd step then laughs. the blonde gets to The 99th step and laughs. God asks "why did you laugh? you were so close." the blonde said "i just got the first one."

Answer 10

this one is an old one, you might have heard of it.

This is what a good actress does when she's slapped: (slaps self on face)
This is what a bad actress does when she's slapped: (slaps self on face but head goes in opposite direction)
This is what a blonde actress does when she's slapped: (slaps self on face and screams "OW!!! MY KNEE!")