Well, it seems as if I'm always doing something wrong (truth is, I really am!) and I can't stop! if it's not the tone of voice, it's the staying on the computer too long thing, or it's the jamming up the printer, or arriving late to an appointment...anyway....I've been feeling really bad about myself lately...and we're supposed to be married in 2 months. My question is, should he accept me with all my faults (I am immature, moody, clumsy...) or am I supposed to change before we get married? I know I have some wonderful sides to me (funny, creative, affectionate, a great cook) but he is always complaining and telling me I have to change...my parents agree...but I just think he should love me the way I am! is that a fairy tale? Does this mean he's not right for me? I love him and he loves me, but I'm tired of not feeling good enough...I'm starting to feel bad about myself!
2007-03-24 13:57:05 · 15 answers · asked by ingrid 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This problem is only going to get worse after you are married. Trust me on this because the exact same thing happened to me. This is what you need to do. Tell him that you want to postpone the wedding. The truth is HE SHOULD LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE and not expect you to change. Please don't go through with it until he accepts you for what you are. To heck with the people that want you to change. You are what you are and changing for anyone but yourself is just wrong. If it mean disappointing a few people, then that's what's got to happen.
2007-03-24 14:03:35 · answer #1 · answered by Sabina 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wonder...if you are so terrible, why is he still consenting to marry you?
You make it sound like he never does anything to get on YOUR nerves. It's not fair for you to accept all the blame. If he's always complaining now, BEFORE you guys are married, and you feel as bad as you do; just imagine how horrible you're gonna feel in 5 years...10 years...think about how you're gonna feel when your kids see Daddy yelling at Mommy about how annoying she is. Seriously, you need to take a look at whether or not you should marry this guy.
If you do have faults (and who doesn't?!), then someone who loves you will help you get better instead of always yelling that you need to change. That person will be patient with you, even when you get on their nerves. They will focus more on the fact that you are a great cook, and that you tell great jokes. Doesn't sound like your fiance' to me.
And um...if you're old enough to get married, you shouldn't worry so much about what your parents are talking. Who cares if they agree with him....in my humble opinion, he's wrong anyway.
2007-03-24 21:10:58 · answer #2 · answered by duncanhines1920 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your time and don`t get married too soon. Maybe you have things to change, but maybe there are others that he should get used to.
The point here is that you shouldn`t feel like your doing all bad. You don`t, I`m sure, that`s common sense. Think about why is happening, if you`re really mistaken, etc.
Realize that you are going to live with him for many years, and if there are some things wrong, well, maybe it`s ok, but if all that you do, and all that you begin to do, seems to be bad, then something is wrong.
You deserve to feel good. And you have to seek that.
2007-03-24 21:06:27 · answer #3 · answered by Alec113 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you should change alright before you marry him - change fiance's that is! How brainwashed are you already??? The put-downs you get now are only a small taste of what married life with this immature moron will be like. Do you really want to find out how short the path from verbal to physical abuse can be? Because that is the next step.
2007-03-24 21:02:41 · answer #4 · answered by Liz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All the things you said you do wrong are just normal things everyone does. I think he's really doing a number on you. The person you marry should love you exactly how you are. You deserve that.It sounds to me like he's over critical and probably has some control issues. I think you should dump his sorry a** and tell your parents to get off your back. Life is too short to always try to be what other people want you do be. Just be who you are.
2007-03-24 21:04:27 · answer #5 · answered by Andrea 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to him about how your starting to feel bad about his teasing (it might be).
If talking to him doesn't get him to stop, write him a letter about your concerns and have have answer you by writing his answer back to you. Maybe he'll tell you things on paper he wouldn't say verbally. Ask him things like does he know he's hurting your feelings, does he love you with your faults and ask him whats bothering him that's causing him to be snappy to you in the letter. Ohter than that maybe ignore him more.
I had a similiar situation where I talked to him several times about it and we wrote several letters and answers to eachother (I still have the notebooks). However he kept doing it and I told him I would leave if he kept making me feel unworthy. I woulnd up leaving the relationship and HE SAYS I never told him how I felt! and he had been trying to get back with me and make it up to me since then. Problem is I don't do things halfway. If I leave relationship-I left-no turning back. Maybe if I would have given him another chance after I dated someone else we could have worked it out. I hate to feel guilty and didn't look elsewhere until it seemed our letters and talks weren't working (months after) so I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving. Maybe you guys can work it out. Long term marriages and relationshiops that I know of aren't perfect.
2007-03-24 21:18:57 · answer #6 · answered by mellowgirl27 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be honest... you shouldnt HAVE to change anything. if you dont like some things aobut yourself you might want to change them. but to an extent (like being late leave 10 minutes early not a big change,the tone of your voice for crying out loud its your voice,jamming the printer;**** happens,cut your computer time down) to me these things are not major and shouldnt be the things anyone should be worried about changing. things i would think need to be changed would be like not caring aobut things, cheating, things like that... if he wont marry you because of these simple non important things then i dont think you guys are meant for eachother. He fell in love with YOU and asked YOU to marry him so why the big change in his attitude now????
2007-03-24 21:07:11 · answer #7 · answered by Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The abuse will continue there is a song that has a line do not change I love you the way you are listen love also has acceptence maybe he is trying to find a way out
2007-03-24 21:03:40 · answer #8 · answered by bonnielou_48910 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you should change. Change your fiance to a new one who can accept you for you. He knows your good points and your faults. Do you accept his faults? Let me guess he is perfect and that is why you dont meet his rigid standards. I had one like him and after some time it turned out he was like that because he had low self-esteem. Wish I had known that b4 he ruined mine. Run like the wind sweetie!
2007-03-24 21:02:44 · answer #9 · answered by littlejaysmomma 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Before you take that walk down the aisle, you need to tell him how you are feeling...if he's already trying to change you BEFORE you're married, it's not going to get better. Talk, talk, talk...not here on Yahoo Answers, but to HIM.
2007-03-24 21:02:07 · answer #10 · answered by sleepingawake653 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋