getting married too quickly? parents think so?

Question

My boyfriend has proposed after 3 months of dating. We met 10 yrs ago and had stayed in touch as friends, but didn't see each other romantically until recently. He and I share the same values, attitudes to family, career, children, money, religion and know where we want to be in 10 years time. I love him very much and know that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. We are both independent professionals in our late 20s.

I get along very well with his parents, but my parents don't like him, as they think he is 'not good enough' - but without good reason as he is a good and reliable man who works hard, has a good job, is well educated and loves me very much.

We both have no doubts about each other, but my parents do - they don't like him (just different values) and have said it's all too quick anyway. Any one else think it's too fast? How can we deal with the parent issue?

Answer 1

its ok to say yes, but a long engagement is not a bad idea, like a year or two. marriage is a lifelong commitment, so test the waters with a long engagement. as far as the parents go, its your life. but remember as life goes on, you will realize how much your mom and dad are right about things.

Answer 2

Being engaged does not mean you have to rush the wedding. I had known my husband for many years but we only dated 6 months prior to the proposal. Of that 6 months, he was in Iraq for 3 months. We thought we knew each other, but we didn't. We were engaged for a year, should have been longer.
My parents and brothers fought us every step, including boycotting the wedding. Ended up going to the Courthouse as I didn't see the point to a formal wedding without my family's blessings. I still regret that.
In the 9 years since then; we've had 3 children, separated twice, and divorced once. Although we recently remarried, the only reason we're making it now is that we moved three hours from my family. I had to sacrifice my family for my husband. Make sure you can make that commitment to him if it becomes necessary. Otherwise, don't do it.
On the plus side, my parents have finally come around enough to be civil in my home, but only to have access to their only grandchildren.

Answer 3

If you are both in your early 20ties, there is a big chance that you may get divorce later in life. I know also some people who got married early but stayed married.IT is definitely a chance you are going to take but if you can, do not get pregnant til you pass yoru late 20 or even early thirties.It is much harder to be divorced an draise kids then just get divorce and move on with your lives. I understand that you are both professonal but you still do not have enough life and work experiences in life!Do what ever you like but be careful not to bring any innocent kids to this world till you are very certain. A lot of people get divoced and married all the time but you are both very young and have a long way to improve and study and get ahead in life.Take care

Answer 4

You said he loved you in the 2nd paragraph...you didn't say you love him. Maybe your parents haven't seen you head over heels crazy about him. Maybe they are worried you are making an educational decision that is logical and cheating yourself out of the passion and romance of a long courtship....just a thought. In any event, they dont have to approve and I know you know that. But it would be nice to take the time to try to establish some civility or a relationship with them; if he really is the man you will be with the rest of your life, they will have to deal...in the meantime, when they see you are happy, they will be happy for you.

Answer 5

Have a long engagement. Tell your folks that you are engaged but you are planning for the wedding to be in two years time (or one year, or three, etc). That way you'll have enough time to save up for your wedding and let them know you aren't rushing into getting married.

Your parents will have to get over not liking him, especially since they can't give you a good reason.

Congrats on the engagement!

Answer 6

Honestly, I haven't read your whole question. Why? Because you mentioned that you are in your late 20s. I have been looking in Psychology a lot, the only thing I am going to say is wait until 27 age. Because you both have approximately 67% chance of getting divorce.

In this kind of situation, it is never too late. Go slow and take all steps while climbing stairs which will prevent you from falling down.

Answer 7

I understand your situation completely!!! Me and my fiance were engaged about 2-3 months after we first starting dating. My parents don't think he is good enough. We are having a 6 month engagement, and yes, marriage is a sealed deal. However, this is your life, and it is your decision. After you are married, this will be you and your husbands life and ya'lls decisions. Your parents won't be able to run your life forever...do what you feel is right. If you love him...don't let him go.

Answer 8

Not good enough is not a good enough answer. They must be specific. If you can give "yourself" feedback to everything they don't think is good enough, and it's good enough for you, then go ahead. It's not like you've only known him for 3 months - you've known him for 10 years really. My dad wasn't sure my husband was right for me - I had dated him long enough to know he was - we are 16 years apart - I met him at age 26 and married him at age 29 - I'm now 52 and he's 68 and we are madly in love YET!!! Your parents won't be living with him, and likely like mine, they'll have plenty of time to grow to love him like you do! :) Take care and best wishes.

Answer 9

Way too fast. You may have known each other, but dating is different. You need to date at least 18 mos, then be engaged around a year. Your family just probably needs more time.

Answer 10

Have a long engagement as 3 months is a little quick to get engaged. This will also give your parents some time to get to know him and see what a good man he is.

Good luck!